My Birthday

 Dear Blog,

Today I turned 37. It was delightful day! I slept with the kids in my parents basement last night after we watched the Calgary Stampede parade on their TV. Their basement stays nice and cool on these hot summer days. I slept in with Lizzy. I was awake about 7:45 but she did not get up until after 9:00 I believe so I read as I was waiting for her to wake up beside me. Then Chris made me an yummy egg and cheese burrito and I spent the rest of the morning chatting with mom and dad, reading a fun little book called Daddy Long Legs and mowing our lawn which to me is a very relaxing thing to do as we have a ride on lawn mower. Chris took the kids for the afternoon. They ended up going to Calgary to do some shopping. I stayed home and finished reading my book, had a nap and watched a couple of movies while decluttering papers, organizing clothes and packing for our trip to Victoria next week. This evening we went to Mom and Dads to have Clever Scoops ice cream. Then I checked the chickens and took Laddy for a walk (with Lizzy and Selman) as per my usual evening routine after tucking Dad into bed. It was a hot day at 32 degrees but I must be acclimatizing as I did not feel it as much as last week when it was in the high 30s. 

I feel strangely at peace now which is great because the last few days I have been a little bit high strung with no really good reason. I seem to get that way before my birthdays. Well, perhaps the reason may be that when I step back and look at my life, it seems to be a bit overwhelming at the moment. Chris just got called as second counselor in the Bishopric a few weeks ago and I got called as 1st counselor in the Relief Society last Sunday. And then there are some other family dynamics that keep us busy too. And through it all, I keep thinking about how I will be going back to work in January. I dropped in to see my co-workers the other day as the kids and I were passing through Claresholm on our way back from Head Smashed in Buffalo Jump and I brought my work family some ginger ale and club soda to let them know I am thinking of them. It was good to see them and it will be a good job to go back too. When the time comes, it will be busy busy and I am sure I will have my anxieties but I know I can do it! I just need to believe in myself. 

As for Chris, about a week ago he finally got a temporary job for this coming September and October. It is a half time teaching position in Nobleford but we feel very blessed to have it. And his parent's propane company has hired him for the summer to do some online programing so that is keeping him busy as well and is a blessing for our family. I feel like Heavenly Father provides us with a little light into our future just so we know what the next right thing is to do. And then as we do that, he shines a little more light so we can see the next step. This takes a lot of faith for a planner such as I, but I know this is a learning experience for me and I know that my Heavenly Father will take care of us and will give us the strength to do all that we need to do. 

The Champion pool is still not open so yesterday afternoon I took the kids to Little Bow Beach. I am so glad my friend came as I am not sure I could watch all 5 kids in the water by myself. We do a lot together and she is like a second mom to the kids and I am very grateful for her. It was hot out and I even got a bit of a burn on my back - oops. But the kids had a blast in the water and we hope to have a lot more water fun this summer. 

It is almost midnight so I should head to bed. Tomorrow we have 2 hour meetings at church (they started that in Champion ward last week but we were at the Nelsons house for Russell's baby blessing). We don't have to wear masks anymore and I will be in Relief Society once again after having been in Primary for 3 years. Should be fun. I love Sundays - going to church and then spending time at home with my family. Sunday really is the best day of the week. Bye for now. 

Back to the Blog

Well, I am back for another blog post. I was successful in completing my 5 weeks without blogging or looking at peoples blogs, or looking at facebook or instragram. Well, I did look at a few of my mom's pictures on Instagram when she wanted me to post something for her. But it was a few moments of forgetfulness. That seems like forever ago. So where do I start. It is finally Summer! The last few months of school went well. The kids did a couple of weeks of online school in May due to COVID restrictions across Alberta (the high number of daily cases was over 2000 during that time) but as of yesterday, July 1st, pretty much all restrictions have been lifted. It felt weird going to the Champion pop up market yesterday without a mask on. June seemed to go fairly fast. Mary had her kindergarten graduation on June 3. It was just a parade of vehicles that drove past the 10 little graduates at the champion school but there were probably 20 vehicles that joined the parade and so I think it was successful. I was the Champion kindergarten president this year and it was a hard year as the kindergarten is struggling financially. But we have worked so hard to fundraise this year and we have done our best. Mary will do kindergarten next year. Her birthday is in September and she is young. She did not really want to go to kindergarten this year and it was a bit of a fight at times so we are treating this year as a Pre-kindergarten and next year will be her year to shine! Caeleb and Elva did well in school. Caeleb just needs to continue working on his reading comprehension and Elva with her reading skills. They both do well in Math - they take after their daddy. 

Elva and Caeleb's last day of school was June 25th and we have been trying to survive the heat ever since. It has been in the high 30s for the last week or so. It is so hot, I have a hard time thinking and this blog post is hard to focus on. We did go to Bar U ranch with a friend on June 30th and hardly anyone else was there, most likely due to the heat. I love history and to explore old buildings and the kids seemed to enjoy the wagon ride. 

Yesterday was Mom's birthday and Canada day. We did not do much. We went to the pop up market in Champion and we picked up chinese food and had a watermelon cake for mom's birthday celebration. I took a picture of the kids in front of our Canada day shed. 

Today we had some friends over and we played in the barn and I had scripture study with my friend. She is of a different church but we study the Bible together and I am so glad we do. I learn a lot from her even if we have some different beliefs. Then I took the kids to the air conditioned church in town so they could play ball while I helped tidy up the primary room. And now, my brain is fried and my tongue is parched, so I will post this post and head downstairs for some water. Until next time!

Dear Chris - a little Father's Day note

Dear Chris,

You looked so peaceful this evening sleeping with Mary on one side and Selman on the other so

I didn't want to wake you up. Thank you for being such a wonderful dad to our kids.

I love to see you be a dad. Thank you for working hard to provide for our family. 

This last year was a difficult one for you with your job but you never complained. You worked so hard 

and went the extra mile by tutoring some kids at school and going in early and staying late to help 

your students. You have a true love of teaching others and you are so good at it. 

I know Heavenly Father will keep providing you with opportunities to teach.

I am excited about your new calling as second councellor in the Bishopric. 

I know without a doubt that it was inspired and I know that our family will learn and grow 

from this experience just as those around you will learn and grow and feel loved as you serve them. 

I believe in you. I love you.

Love Katherine 

Dear Dad,

I love you. I am so grateful that you are my father. I had the best childhood and it has everything to

do with how you and Mom raised me. Thank you for the simple but wonderful experiences I

had growing up. For the camping trips in our tent, to feeding the cows in the winter, to chicken 

killing day, to you having Camellia and I "blow out the lights" at bedtime when you came to
tuck us in, to seeing you all dirty after a long day in the fields (you worked so hard), to reading us stories 

and you falling asleep while reading them to us (tehehe), to riding horses with us, etc. etc. etc.

But  the thing I am most grateful for is your quiet but powerful testimony of the restored Gospel

of Jesus Christ. I feel the spirit every time I enter your home and I know it is because of the

way you and Mom have lived your life, centered in the gospel. You took such good care

of us while we were growing up, even in the most simple of ways and I 

am honored now to take care of you. I love you.

Love Katherine 

Dear Nathan

I want to say that I love you and am grateful that you are my brother. Even through your challenges in

life, you plug away trying your best as you put one foot in front of the other. I love to see your smile! 

It really is the best smile in the world. Thanks for your example of working hard. You work so hard and 

you are so smart and can fix anything! Thank you for being a good uncle to your nieces and nephews. 

They really do look up to you. I love you and am always here for you.

Love Katherine  

Dear Gary,

Thank you for raising such a wonderful son. I am grateful I get to be part of the Watters Family for eternity. 

Thank you for putting up with all of us when we come out to visit for two weeks each year. 

Thank you for your happy, positive attitude and that smile that lights up the room. We love you!

I am good enough...but I can always do a little bit better

Recently, I had a day where I really felt at peace with my life. I want to record this so that I can read it when I have those days where I do not feel like I am good enough. On that day, I felt good enough as a wife and mother. I felt that even though the battle with screen time is very real in our home, even though I get upset sometimes, even though my house is often a mess, there is always cleaning to be done and the laundry is hardly ever all put away, etc etc etc, I am enough as a wife and mother. I am where I am supposed to be (at home with my kids), doing what I am supposed to be doing (somedays that is the bare minimum -just trying to keep sane -but I do try to be a good mother and homemaker) and working through the struggles I am supposed to be working through. I am good enough.

The 4 older kids fought for a bit this morning. There was some hitting and screaming involved between them. But then they played well together while I cooked in the kitchen for about an hour and I loved hearing them laugh and have fun with their zombie game. Elizabeth played at my feet pulling plastic plates and cups out of the kids cupboard. Now they are watching the movie Bedtimes stories and I am fine with that. I hope that, even though there is quite the age range between them, they will always stay friends. And I hope they always stay close to their cousins. In a way, cousins can be like brothers and sisters too. 

Elva randomly gave me a challenge this morning. There is always room for improvement in my life and I suppose she has noticed my excess screen time as I check Instagram and Facebook daily (well, Instagram many times a day) and I like to blog or read other blogs as well. She challenged me to 5 weeks without Instagram, Facebook and blogging starting tomorrow. Then she challenged herself to 5 weeks without the Nintendo Switch, playing phone games and screaming (she screams sometimes when she is upset). I am impressed by Elva. She is still very much my little girl but I see her growing up little by little, developing more self awareness and self discipline each day. She is such an amazing young lady and she will turn out just fine! 

Let's see how the next 5 weeks go. I hope I use the extra time to read more scriptures and books, go to bed earlier and exercise more. See you then. Now I am off to either play with Selman as he wanting to play or maybe I can sneak in a nap for him and Elizabeth (and maybe me 😉). 

Happy Birthday Selman

Well our Selman turned 3 years old on March 10th. It was a simple but fun day. We had cereal for breakfast (which is a treat in our house), macaroni and cheese for lunch - with ketchup of course, and his favorite meal of chicken nuggets for supper. Then of course we had cake - green mini cupcakes and a yellow lego man face cake. And we had a Pikachu piñata.  He got magnetic building blocks and a playdough candy maker. We love you so much Selman! Your expressions, your smile, your fun happy personality. You are a thinker and we love to hear your little thoughts and ideas. I am so excited to see you grow into an incredible young man. Now, to work on potty training. Yah, not much success in that area  but we are trying most days. I am sure it will click sooner then later and then I will see the lights go on in your eyes, you will hold up your finger and say "I a idea" and it will be to go in the potty. Right Selman?

My Dad's birthday is on Tuesday and we celebrated last night by going to a yummy steak restaurant called the Silver Slate. Chris, Elizabeth and I rode in with Nathan in his nice new jeep and we met Camellia and Doug and Mom and Dad there. Oh, I love you Dad. I am so grateful you are my father. You have such a strong spirit and your quiet spiritual strength has helped me gain a strong testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I had the best childhood growing up because of the way you and Mom raised me. Thank you. I love you. 

I have been writing in my blog more than usual lately but I think I will put it away for a few weeks or months...maybe. I suppose Covid has been making me miss connecting with more people and for some reason I feel more connected when I write in my blog. When we first moved out here to the farm, I didn't realize that I would struggle connecting with people in the area. I have made some great friends in the community but I feel like the people in my ward kind of stick to themselves and their families. But that is ok. That is just the dynamics of the ward. They are still my ward family. Perhaps moving out here and Covid has made me realize that I am more of an extrovert than I originally thought. 

Anyways, life is wonderful. I am loving the Spring-ish weather and bbbbbbbbbbbbbbb (Selman is helping me type - hahahaha). I better go play with him. Until later. 

A Planner

I was talking to myself as I washed the floor this morning about life and what I want to plan for in the future. In a way, I am a planner or in the least a speculator about the future. I plan out different scenarios in my life and try to figure out what I would do or what would happen in each scenario.

 What if Chris died? What if I died? Who would take care of the kids? Well, Aunt Camellia and Uncle Doug of course - or Aunt Rachel and Uncle Eric as back up. Will there be enough from life insurance to help the kids? Chris would only get $200,000 if I died. He would pay off the mortgage, pay for Caeleb's braces ($8000 for braces - yikes!), use some money for the first year of being alone trying to make ends meet, maybe take the kids on a $6000 trip (disney/church history tour) and put some into savings. I don't know if there would be enough for all this and he would have to be frugal. He would get married again too. I hope she would take good care of the kids and Chris, love the farm, and make things work out on the farm.

But I don't plan on dying anytime soon. So, where will we live when we are older? What do we want for our children in the future? In  some ways, I don't plan very well. Especially when it concerns what is happening tomorrow or next week. For example, one of my kids was hard to drag out of bed for school the other day so I drove this child to school. When I got there, I saw that everyone was dressed up for a special events day at school and I had completely forgotten. Bad Mom moment. I was in tears when I left the school (though I later found out my kids had figured it out on their own and were just fine), and I got a big hug from a friend as we went on our walk which made me feel a lot better. She is so awesome. Anyways, I am forgetful and I don't plan for everything or write everything down on our calendar nor do I hardly ever do a to do list and in short, I AM NOT PERFECT - but no one is. 

I do like to plan for the future in other ways. I love where I live, on the farm, in my Grandma and Grandpa Smiths beautiful 100 year old brick home. I love my home! There is plenty to fix up still - the windows for instance are so old that I feel like I could crack them if I breath on them too hard. And they are very dirty and impossible to clean well. But, we hope to get new windows when we renew our mortgage in 3 years and we hope to finish the attic someday (I am very slowly working on mudding the drywall in the attic but I am so clueless and it looks horrible). Will I live here until I die? Maybe I will. But in reality, I would love it if one day (you know, when I am 60 or 65 and retired) one of my kids or one of Camellia's kids or one of Grandma and Grandpa Smith's decedents or perhaps any loving family took over this beautiful place to raise their family in this beloved, heritage family home. It is a perfect home for a growing family. And perhaps Chris and I will move to Champion or Vulcan (I can see us in a small apartment in Champion or Vulcan someday). And if the day comes where I have dementia or another disease where I cant take care of myself anymore, I hope I can proactively go live at Extendicare in Vulcan or somewhere where my kids can visit me and maybe take me on an outing every month or so. I hope they will do up my room with a comfy single bed, warm and cozy blankets, a nice comfy chair that I can rest in, books to read, a TV to watch, a picture of the Savior, a picture of my family and picture of the farm on the wall, and maybe even a Thomas Kincade picture of a house that will fuel my imagination if I still have one (he is my favourite painter - I love his cozy houses). Life can still be beautiful then. 

 I want my kids to know that it is ok when the time comes for me to live in a lodge or nursing home. I will be fine! It is just part of life. 

Of course there will be the specifics when the time comes to move on in life - do we sell the house to the kids (I mean there will always be work and money that needs to go into this house and that alone will cost a lot for whoever lives here)? For how much do we sell it? How will we make it fair to our other family members? Maybe some of the money that is made by selling the house at a fair price can be used to help the other kids in our family to make things fair? I do not want there to be family arguments! I should not worry too much about these things now. But I think about them sometimes and it does not hurt to plan. I have seen how not having a clear plan hurts families. 

A theoretical plan would be, if one of Mom and Dad's 10 Grandchildren takes over the Quarter section, he or she could pay a rent to own to the other 4 children and us (5  payments) a monthly payment of $250 (x5 = $1250 a month) over 25 years. Then the bank would not have to get involved for a mortgage and take thousands of dollars in interest. Or, if someone ends up selling the quarter section with the houses to a nice family, and the 1/2 section of crop to a farmer, the rest of the family could establish a co-op to the remaining 1/4 section of land by the Coulee in the NW part of the farm. A little getaway cottage could be built there for family use and memories sake. These are just thoughts. 

I want my kids to realize this is about equity, not equality. Who does it make sense to have the land go to? Not what is fair! It made sense for my Dad to live here as he farmed the land. He had no other income and now we know more than ever that this land was a huge blessing in his life. Which of my kids or Camellias kids or someone else will it make sense to own the farm someday? I hope that my kids will pray about this and make decisions in love and understanding. 

I used to wonder why people moved/downsized to a smaller place when they got older but now I absolutely know why and I admire people for downsizing. Chris and I always have had the thought that we should just have what we need when it comes to housing and vehicles. When we were first married, we only needed to rent a small, one bedroom apartment (oh how I loved that first year we were married living on the 13th floor of an old Calgary apartment building). When we bought a house, we needed a small starter home in Calgary for us and our 2 kids and when our family grew, the brick house became the blessing we needed to fit our growing family. When we are older and it is just the two of us, what do we really need? If one of the kids buys the brick house, we can have our family get togethers here on the farm. And really, in any circumstance we can work things out and stay close to family. But I hope as I grow older, I can have the courage and ability to simplify my life even further. I think it will make moving onto the next life a bit easier. 

As for now, I feel like I have resolved to working as a nurse till Chris retires. Of course those plans could change too. What if I am injured or become sick? What if Chris is injured or becomes sick? Etc, etc, etc. But I undoubtedly feel blessed for my job as a nurse. Chris is almost 6 years older then me and he started his teaching career later in life. Maybe he will retire when he is 65, almost 66, maybe a bit older. Maybe he will substitute after that. Maybe I will retire when I am 60. Maybe I will work part time until I am 55 or so and then work full time for a few years (I kind of would like to be a nurse clinician for a few years  or have a more Monday - Friday nursing office type job). Maybe I will work casual or part time after Chris retires. Who knows. I just hope and pray that I can be there for my family in any way that I can be and that I will do well with the work/family life balance. And I know we should prepare and plan where we can and then be ok with whatever life throws at us. After all, the main thing is to do your part, work hard, keep priorities straight and trust in the Lord that everything will be ok. 

Halfway point

I was just thinking about where I am at on my Maternity leave and I am about at the halfway point this week. I will go back to work end of December or beginning of January. It is crazy how fast time goes but am I ever glad I get the opportunity to have 18 months off. Elizabeth is almost 9 months old and I feel like she is growing up faster then any of the other kids did. I am just starting to feel like I am getting the hang of being a stay at home mom (I mean always at home) this maternity leave ( I actually did well cleaning the house and getting it ready for Sunday last Saturday and I am doing well this week at staying on top of Laundry - not like that all matters, it is the kids that matter). I really don't think being a mother has come naturally to me but I am trying and I will continue to try and I love being at home with my kids. And even though being a mother is challenging for me, I would have more children if I could and if it made sense too (and perhaps it doesn't make sense too). It seems that after each of our babies is born, I want to grow my family even more. Even with all the faults Chris and I have, I believe we are working on establishing a loving home where the spirit can dwell and children can thrive. I am very blessed to have the family I have and I wish others could have what I have. I do believe that in the eternities our families will continue to grow and that means I, and other women who desire it, will be mothers to many many more children.  That thought makes me hopeful and happy, not just for myself, but for other women. I know of the Devine role of a mother. 

 Yesterday I made paper boats for Mary and Selman and we went outside searching for a puddle to float them in but there was none to be found. Last week we had such fun one day jumping in muddy puddles. Anyways, yesterday we ended up playing in a rock pile and working to move the rocks to another location with the help of Nana and Papa.

I just wanted to say some things about Selman as I feel like I haven't talked about him in a while. I love my little Selman! And he is not so little. He will be 3 TOMMORROW! I love the expressions he makes and the things he says. It is sometimes hard to understand him as he started talking a little later and is still learning but he is a chatter box now and we love listening to him. He loves to laugh and I can tell he is going to be a jokester like his brother. I LOVE IT when that light goes on in his eyes and he points his little finger up when he has an idea and says "I an idea." He is an early bird and is always up anywhere from 5:00 to 6:00 while the others sleep at least until 6:30. I would probably sleep till 8:00 these days if no one woke me up but I guess this is good for me? Selman loves lego and dinosaurs, mario (he wants to play video games like his siblings, and playing anything the others play. He is not that into books so I feel grateful that we are doing Bedtime stories online each Monday evening and he does well listening to the books with the instructor. I need to read more to my kids - it is sometimes hard to find a book everyone wants to listen too. Selman still likes to nap almost every day (the others were off there naps by this time I believe) and he loves cuddles - he is very much my cuddly boy and that is ok. 

Well, I will write about his birthday in a few days or so. It is an eerie foggy morning and I like those mornings when I can stay home and bake (Selman's cake) and feel the warmth of the stove and hear the sound of the dryer going. Life is good!

Turning to the Temple

I was having a bit of a hard evening this last Friday. Just feeling down. We all have down days. I decided instead of home date night with Chris (we usually watch a movie or play a game on Friday after the kids go to bed), I would go to bed early. I figured he would play video games for a few hours and then go to bed. While I was lying in bed, I was thinking about how I wanted to write a blog entry about how much I dislike video games. They are a big thing in our home and I struggle with it, especially knowing how to control it and feeling like I have to compete with it (as silly as it sounds, I honestly struggle with comparing myself too and feeling like I am not as important as a video game). I don't play video games (just with the kids sometimes) as I am not really a fan but I have to admit that I liked solitaire, an Indiana Jones demo game and a few other games on our family computer when I was growing up. I also liked playing Nintendo when I went to my cousins house and we would rent a gaming system at times when we were teenagers and play Need for Speed and that was a blast playing with Nathan and Camellia. So I have had my video game moments. And I know that there are video games that are good for the mind by building critical thinking skills, etc (Chris plays those games). My screen time struggle is probably Instagram (it was Facebook but I don't do Facebook as much now). And I like reading other blogs and writing in my own. I guess I like to feel connected to people and that is how I try to connect. I have even debated on writing an old nursing manager, who seemed to hate me and think I was the dumbest nurse at the time, because I want to build a connection with her that will perhaps take my bitter and hurt feelings away. But I will wait for the eternities to make things right there and I trust that they will be made right. I guess I just want to understand her and perhaps be a friend. 

 Anyways, once Chris put Elizabeth to sleep, he came and found me lying in bed and we had a great talk for about an hour. We talked about life and feelings and then we talked about the temple and it was a good talk. Then I got thinking that I should write a positive post and the Temple came to my mind. 

I love the Temple! I miss going there. I think the last time we went there was for our 10th anniversary almost a year and a half ago but we have not been since due to COVID closures. When I enter the doors of the temple, I feel such a peace and calm. It is like the worries of the world just melt away. I feel so close to Heaven when I am there. I am grateful for how important family history is to the church and that we can connect with people who have died by doing work for them in the temple. So many people have died and did not have the chance to learn of God and accept the atonement of the Savior and understand the fullness of the Gospel in their lives but the Temple allows for us to reach out to those people and help them along so that everyone can have the chance to return to God's presence someday. The temple in not about exclusion. It is about inclusion! Going there is not for "show", it is to sincerely do what we can do to help our dear ancestors and all who have passed on to be saved. Heavenly Father wants everyone to be saved and come back to his presence. He is a loving Heavenly Father after all. We accept the Savior's atonement by following his example which includes baptism (as he was baptized) and since many were not baptized in this life, God makes available to everyone the chance to be baptized by the correct authority. This gives me such joy and hope! People are not "excluded" from the temple, they just need to prepare to go there in a way so that the Spirit can reside there. I am grateful to be sealed to my husband and to my family (my mom, dad, sister, brother, uncles, aunts, cousins, etc) for all eternity. To know that what we are building here can last forever! Chris and I are not perfect and neither is our relationship but what we are trying build is not till death do us part... it is for time and ALL eternity and it gives me joy and hope to know that we can keep working on these relationships after we die). The temple is a blessing in my life and I hope that I can go there soon. I want my children to know how much I love the Temple and how I want them to prepare themselves to go there someday. I best go now. Elizabeth is demanding my attention but the other kids are tucked snuggly into their own beds (well, I guess Mary chose our bed to sleep tonight). 

Christmas 2020 and New Year 2021

We had a lovely Christmas season this last year. Because of the tightening of  covid restrictions in later  November (new cases were up to 1800/day), we were not able to go down to the Nelsons to get a Christmas tree (we try to go every other year). However, I did meet Camellia in Lethbridge I believe December 1 when I took Elva out for her birthday and we tied 2 trees they got from the hills (one for Mom and Dad) onto the van to bring home. We decorated the tree that evening while eating appetizers for supper, listening to Christmas music and then watched a bit of the Polar Express while drinking hot chocolate. Such a good evening and the tree looked beautiful. The best trees come from those hills. It was not dry at all. I remember last year I was feeling so pregnant sick that I just sent Chris with the kids to get a tree from the Vulcan store while I cuddled up on the couch and watched a movie with Selman. 

Chris taught from home the week before Christmas break as the new covid restrictions had Junior High students and above do classes from home. I enjoyed having him home. 

The Saturday before Christmas, we drove to Lethbridge to get some last minute shopping done. Afterwards, we drove to the Porcupine Hills west of Claresholm so that I could show the kids where my Nana and Papa always took us "tree hunting" when we were young. I loved those days. The last time we did that was when Chris and I just got married. Then we joined Mom and Dad, the Nelsons and Nathan in Claresholm to drive around and look at Christmas lights and so the Nelsons could see Nathan's new beautiful white jeep. 

The first week of Christmas break was spent going sledding a few days with my friend and her son on their nearby property. There was a blizzard a few days before Christmas so we did not go that day. The day before Christmas eve we went sledding and then into Champion to get the mail and pick up a couple of last minute things. 

On Thursday Christmas Eve, we walked across the yard to my Mom and Dads for Christmas eve appetizers and Nathan joined us for that. This is a tradition but I think next year we may do what Chris does in his family and have our turkey dinner on Christmas eve and eat left overs on Christmas day. We did a facetime Nativity with the Nelsons. They were the Shepards and Wisemen. Elva was Mary, Lizzy was baby Jesus, Selman was Joseph, Caeleb was a shepard and Mary was an Angel. And Papa read the story. It was a bit complicated trying to do our family Christmas eve program together over facetime but it went pretty well. Elva and Mary did a Highland dance to Christmas bagpipe music and Sterling and his Grandma Marylou played a duet on the piano. 

We came home and scattered oatmeal reindeer food over the snow by our place. Then we put the kids to bed at about 9:00 PM after leaving sugar and oatmeal cookies and milk for Santa.  As excited as they were, the kids feel asleep pretty fast but Caeleb woke up at around 1100 with a bloody nose. He then settleD upstairs in our bed and I slept in his bed with Lizzy.

The kids were awake about 6:00 and then they came downstairs about 7:00 to see what Santa left in their stockings. There was a bunch of little goodies, polly pockets for the girls, magic tricks, a game called Sushi Go for Caeleb, candy and kinder surprise eggs. Santa left some goodies for Mom and Dad, Nana and Papa and uncle Nathan too

Nana, Papa and Uncle Nathan came over at 8:00 for a breakfast of cracked wheat, whipped cream and berries. Yummy! Then we opened gifts. We were spoiled again but not as much as last year and I am hoping and expecting that next year will be a humble Christmas which will be good for us. The girls got flying fairies from Santa, Caeleb got a flying golden snitch and Selman got a remote control car (he is all about holding a remote). And Elizabeth got baby food and little colorful boats she can chew on. We got a couple of weighted blankets from Mom and Dad Smith and Chris has LOVED his! We got a game called Machi Koro, individualized Christmas tree ornaments (a tradition and a highlight of our Christmas) and other fun things from LouAnn (who had our name for Christmas this year). The girls were into LOL dolls and got some things for that and they all got nerf guns. Mary really wanted a live lizard but she got a fake one that moves so that will do for now. We gave the Nelsons a game and we had Nathaniel's families name for Christmas so we gave them a game and some toys for their kids. I felt like we got too much but it was not as overwhelming as last year. We had a turkey dinner on Christmas day and spent the next week just chilling at home, watching movies, playing games and I took the kids skating a few times in Champion. We ordered Chinese food from the Champion restaurant for New Years Eve and then watched a movie with the kids while they fell asleep in the living room. Chris, Lizzy and I made it till Midnight. I was up early with Selman to see the sunrise on New Years day and it was beautiful! I think that means it will be a wonderful year. It was nice to have a relaxing two weeks without school for Chris and the kids and I am so happy to be on maternity leave and not have to work during the holidays. 

The kids did online school for the first week back from Christmas break and Chris taught online in his home office. This was of course due to covid. Now it is the first day of March and there are still restrictions due to covid but at lease we can meet people outside now. This whole thing seems to be getting old but I know there are reasons for the restrictions and I count my blessings that we are healthy and safe. I pray for those who are struggling. I think the restrictions may be on and off for another year or so but I think there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. 

My goals for this year are similar to last year. Maybe I will do better on them this year. I want to keep spiritually fed and this year I have decided that I will only listen to spiritual messages like the scriptures or conference before 1200 noon every day. I also am trying a keto diet but have not been too successful yet. I think I would rather do a whole 30 like I did 2 years ago. I still have about 5 pounds to go to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight (it gets harder to lose weight after each pregnancy) which is fine but I will continue to work on it. Mary and Elva have been taking a Highland Dancing class since October and I decided to do one as well so on Thursdays evenings I work up a sweat with an online dance class and I quite enjoy it. It makes me want to take the girls to Scotland. I have always loved bagpipe music. 

Elva's baptism was Saturday January 30th. I sewed her dress with the help of Mom and Camellia sewed some too. Elva was so ready and wanted to get baptized in December but we waited to have it hoping that more people could come (we were only allowed one family due to covid). We finally decided to go ahead and had the Nelsons join us in person and we had about 20 or more people join us through zoom which was just awesome! Chris' parents and most of his siblings came on zoom and my Selman cousins and Aunts and Uncles were there and some of Elva's friends and Primary leaders. Elva did her own hair and she looked beautiful in her baptism dress. I did the talk on Baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost. Chris baptized and confirmed her. Then we had the Nelsons, Mom and Dad and Nathan for supper after. Elva wanted hamburgers and donuts. Elva is a beautiful little girl who is going to do great things in life. She is a little mom to her brothers and sisters. She is perceptive and understands spiritual and secular things. And she is a great friend to everyone! We love you Elva!

Chris and I watched Breakfast at Tiffany's to celebrate Valentines day. We had a good laugh because we didn't really like it but we do like the song Breakfast at Tiffanys (Jared plays it on his guitar), so I have been signing the song "Breakfast at Tiffany's" but I sing it like "and I said what about Breakfast at Tiffany's, he said I think I remember the film and as I recall I think we both DIDN'T like it, and I said well that's one thing we've got." I guess Chris and I do have some things in common 😘😘

Elizabeth has lived up to her nickname "busy Lizzy." When she came home from the hospital at less then a day old, the kids had done up a sign WELCOME HOME BUSY LIZZY. Well she has been army crawling since 5 months, crawling well since a little after 6 months old, getting up to a standing position using furniture since about 7 months and for the last week or so (since 8 months old) she has been cruising a little on the furniture or on me or Chris. Although she is very mobile, the kids like to kart her around and she puts up with a lot of rough love from her brothers and sisters. She is a good baby and loves to pose (yes pose!) and smile for the camera. She also loves to eat and does well at picking up little broken up pieces of food like banana and cheese. She likes most food and I try to mush up or baby bullet the food we have at supper to give her. She started eating solids on Christmas day and started with plain rice cereal but eats most things now. 

Lizzy gave us a scare the other day. For the last two weeks, at times when she cries she will not take a breath for the longest time. On Saturday, she cried because Chris was changing her diaper and she was not taking that breath and turned purple, her eyes rolled back and she went limp. I guess she fainted. She came too after a few seconds but was tired after so I took her to Emerg. She was fine (the doctor called it a BRUE?) and I guess some kids do this type of thing but it was the first time I have experienced it with my kids so it was scary. She almost did the same thing on Sunday too but she did not faint, her eyes just glazed over. Oh silly girl. Stop scaring your mommy! I made an appointment for a check up with our doctor for next week. 

Life is not too busy right now except for being home with the 3 youngest (Mary has Kindergarten on Tuesday and Thursdays) and they always keep me busy at home. I also am able to be at the crossroads of the older kid's life when they leave and come home from school which I love. I want to be there for them. I play with the little ones at home during the day and I get some housework done - though I never am on top of laundry or anything really). I go for a walk with a friend using my Chariot to push the littles, once or twice a week. The girls have dance on Monday evening and Caeleb and Elva take piano lessons via facetime with their Grandma LouAnn on Wednesdays (she is an awesome teacher). Times for Rhymes is online for Selman and Lizzy on Thursday mornings from 1000-1100 and I do my online dance class on Thursday evenings. We go to church on Sundays. Other then that, life is simple and I love it this way. Except I could use a mini vacation - to the zoo or to a museum or to a hotel for a night or to the hills/mountains to do a hike or to go to a Calgary park/walking path or even Ikea would be nice as well. I do like getaways every now and then. Well, that's it for now. Until next time. 

Blogging

For the last few years I have followed a blog called Nieniedialogues. She is a very inspirational writer and I have learned a lot from her and her experiences. I also love her book called Heaven is Here. Today, I found out that she is no longer going to blog. I will miss reading her inspiring words but I understand that perhaps it is no longer a priority for her. I will just have to keep reading her book (there is nothing like a good book to read and it is a good one).

I have been thinking about my blog lately and I really do like writing in a blog. I only do it a few times a year but it is my journal for now. I was reading some of my old journals the other day and my printing is absolutely horrible. I am good and fast at typing and even though I could just type a journal and save it on our computer, I really don't mind people reading it. I don't put pictures on it so a lot of people probably don't care to read it without pictures. But it is a place to share a little about our family and to share some of my thoughts and feelings about life. People may judge me for my thoughts and feelings but I really don't care. I am not overly opinionated and I have fairly simple thoughts most of the time. When my thoughts get a little deeper, sometimes my blog is who I can "talk" too and maybe what I write will be what someone else needs to hear to know they are not alone.  I keep bugging Chris to write on the blog too as I would love to be able to read more of his thoughts and feelings but he is not a writer. Maybe someday, he will write a little more. After all, I play model games with him and that is his hobby (and in a way I have made it mine because he loves it so much and I enjoy spending time with him and watching him get excited about playing). Well, this is a hobby of mine. But it is ok. I love my Chris. 

So I will continue with this blog for now and you can find out what is happening in our life and, at times, what my thoughts and feelings are. I will try to update about our Christmas and New Year soon. As for now, Elizabeth is climbing all over me trying to eat the computer so I will end this post. 

Wackamole and Musical Chairs

Every night I feel like Chris and I play a version of two games - Wackamole and Musical chairs, or Backtobed and Musical beds may be more appropriate titles. This is how it goes. We put some of the kids to bed, then they pop right back up and out of their beds again. We put them back and out they come again. One after the other. We feel like we deal with the needs of one and then another one needs something. Back and forth and back and forth. Musical beds is where Chris and I end up sleeping in different beds almost every night. Many times the kids fall asleep in different beds then their own and if we don't feel like lifting them back to their beds while they are asleep, Chris and I go find available beds to sleep in. I feel like I sleep in a different bed every night. Oh, and don't forget that most nights, some kids get up in the middle of the night and join us or kick one of us out of the bed we are in. And there is plenty of middle of the night bed switching and hunting for an available bed. But it works for us for now and we are trying to enjoy the kids while they are young as I know this stage will go too fast. Such is the life of a parent and I wouldn't trade this life for anything. 

Fall 2020

It seems like Fall went fast this year but it was a most beautiful Fall as the weather was gorgeous and the leaves took their time to change colors and so the trees had the most beautiful mixture of orange, red and yellow leaves for weeks and weeks. The only thing I did not like about the warm weather was the many flies that we had in our house from the middle of August till November. The Kids went back to school at the beginning of September and they have enjoyed it. Caeleb is in grade 5 and there is a new learning curve at that age but I know he will get the hang of things and is doing well for the most part. Elva is in grade 2 and has been growing in leaps and bounds with her reading. She is the oldest in the class and is a leader and a friend to everyone. Mary is in Kindergarten and seems to be learning fast. She has some anxieties I believe with the coming and going of school but she is loving school when she is there. 

Chris and Caeleb's birthday on September 14th went well. Caeleb is into Avengers right now and so he had an avenger themed family party with a cake shaped like the aircraft from the movie. He is very particular about what he wants for birthday themes. I love that he always has a certain theme in his life - he goes from Harry Potter, to Avengers to Gravity Falls, etc. I love my 10 year old. Holy Cow - 10 years old! He got a Nintendo switch Video game called animal crossing. Chris got a $2500 bike so that was an extra special birthday for him. Not sure we should have afforded that (especially as my accident which happened after buying the bike cost us about $8000 on top of insurance to get a vehicle that met our needs - and really the 2012 Dodge Caravan we bought is a modest vehicle but it did have low kms so that is why we got it). I feel bad about my accident -that $8000 could have gone towards any other number of things - including our savings as we do not know what Chris' job status will be come summer. Oh well, I beat myself up about it but I have to move on. Anyways, I also got Chris a date day going biking in Vulcan while a babysitter watched the kids including Elizabeth (her first time with a babysitter that was not her Nana or Grandma). We had fun going for a bike ride and I hope to do more of that. Mary's birthday on September 19th consisted of a Forky cake from toy story 4 (I repurposed the leftover cake from Caeleb's birthday) and she got a Barbie store set. She is a funny little thing. She is very strong willed, to the point where I sometimes just look at her and am left speechless when she says and does things. But I think she will go far in life. I love her very much.

Halloween was on a Saturday which was great as the kids did not have school the next day. We asked ahead to each neighbor to see if we could stop by and for the first time in my life I took the kids to Champion before trick or treating to join a little costume parade down main street. The kids enjoyed that and they also enjoyed our typical 2 - 3 hour drive around to the farms in our area to trick or treat. This year, Caeleb and Mary were skeletons, Elva was a cheerleader (I am NOT a sewer but my mom made her an adorable costume), Selman was a fireman (his first time trick or treating) and Lizzy and Chris were pumpkins and I was an M &M (I have had that costume since I was about 12). They stayed home to hand out candy to the about 15 kids that came. Oh, and we made our attic spooky looking by putting a doll in the window and people could see it while driving in the yard. Chris does not like spooky movies and things but I like kiddish spooky movies and haunted houses and such. It was a nice night out and we had a great time.  

Normally on November 11, we try to go to a remembrance day service as it is such an important day to me with my Grandpa Selman being a POW. Champion only had a small outside service and so we watched in online but later that day we did go to Vulcan to hand out bags for collecting food for the food bank. It was a good service activity for the kids to do and I am grateful that my mom really encouraged us to do that. Mom and I also made our Christmas turtles and nutclusters in November to hand out to friends and family at Christmas time. I love that tradition! 

Elva's birthday was on December 3 and I can't believe that she is already 8 years old! We put off her baptism until the end of January as we are hoping that we can have some family and friends come. But with the way COVID is going, that may not be an option. Elva is such a wonderful little girl. She is so ready to be baptized. She is kind to her classmates and is a leader in her class at school. She does well at math and even though reading is a struggle, she works hard everyday. And she is the best printer I know! She is a little Mom to her younger siblings and she is a hard worker. For her birthday I let her skip a day of school and she came to Lethbridge with me to go Christmas shopping. We went out for lunch at Cora's and she was able to pick out her own birthday gift - she chose a mylife doll. I love my Elva so much! I am excited to see what life has in store for her. 

Well, I will leave it there as Mary is climbing all over me. I will try to update on Christmas later. 

Thinking some more

Some thoughts that I wrote in a previous post have been bugging me so I thought I would try to set things right in this post. I regret some of the things I wrote. I feel like I have blamed Chris for some of my emotional hang ups with money and work but I should not and I am sorry. I can not change the past and I should not try to predict the future. I need to live and be happy in this moment! It is true that unless I become sick or disabled, I will probably always work outside of the home until I retire. And it is true that the mom/work balance is hard. But I am way too caught up in that!  I am on maternity leave and should enjoy being home with my kids. And, I know without a doubt that God (through a neighbor) has helped me get the job in Claresholm and that there is a reason that I have had all the nursing jobs that I have had. I have learned so much and I have grown to become a good nurse. I can do so much good in this world by being a nurse and even though my priority is being a wife, mother, family, church and community member, I can be a nurse as well. I can't do everything but I can do these things with God's help. Chris and I sometimes talk about how we are good together and how we make a great team. We compliment each other and make up for each others weaknesses as we each have different strengths and weaknesses. When we have our mind set to do something, we work well together to accomplish it. Although we are not perfect in this, we try to budget, prioritize and record our spending and we feel so united when are able to accomplish our financial goals as well as other goals. We have truly been blessed to have so much. I might struggle to have perspective at times but I am so grateful to have Chris as my equal partner in this life and the next. 

Accidents Happen

Once upon a time there was a 16 year old girl who was excited to get her drivers license. Her sister and her went to Lethbridge with their mother on a beautiful summer day and took the drivers test. Her sister did just fine and passed with no issues. This girl, however, almost took her driver instructor out with a left hand turn at a yellow light when she didn't see the oncoming traffic behind a stopped vehicle. Thank goodness her instructor had her own brake or else. Nevertheless, instant fail and this girl had to come back later that week to try again (and she did pass that time). I AM THAT GIRL!

Fast forward 20 years. This same girl, me, went to Okotoks to get her phone fixed (it had so many cracks from being dropped so often that chips of it were coming off of it) and to shop for a Month of groceries. It was a busy day. I had to take Laddy to the vet in Claresholm in the morning as he is loosing weight and hair. Nothing came up in the blood work and we will try deworming and new dog food for now. Mom and Dad came and picked up Selman in Nanton so that it would just be Lizzy and me on our big shopping trip. Walmart went great as I used my baby carrier to carry Lizzy and she was so good the entire time. We got almost $500 worth of groceries there. I then picked up my phone and went to a restaurant to get some Shawarma as I love the stuff and wanted Chris to try it. I wanted to have a little picnic date with him when I picked him up in Claresholm on the way home from shopping. On the way to Costco to get the dog food, I made a left turn. The sun was not directly in my view but still made it hard to see a little of the road and perhaps altered my perspective a little. The light turned yellow and I thought the oncoming traffic was slowing down. I attempted to make the turn. I remember a big truck going past behind me and then a grey car came out from behind him and hit me right on the passenger side by the front wheel. It was quite the hit and was a scary experience! I looked back right away to see if Lizzy was okay and she was thank goodness. A nice gentleman came to my van right away and asked if I was okay which I was except for a tiny scrape on my leg - not sure how I got that. I got out and went around to Lizzy's door and got her out and her door was fine to open. There was a lot of liquid leaking underneath the van and the car that hit me. The man called 911 and the Police and firetruck were there in a just a few minutes with their sirens on. The man in the other car was just sitting in his car (maybe swearing at me - who knows - I never spoke to him but wish I had apologized after the fact). He seemed to be fine and did not need an ambulance (but the insurance company later told me he had been hurt a bit :(. There were 2 ladies that stood with me and Lizzy. One of them was a Nurse and she looked Lizzy over. The man who was such a help put his jacket over Lizzy to keep her warm. Everyone was so kind and helpful except the police man who was a bit harsh at me and when I asked if it was my fault, he said I may get a ticket. The tow truck came to take the vehicles away and the tow truck driver had me empty the van of all my groceries and then I waited on the side of the road for Chris to come and get me. Mom had to go and get him from Claresholm and then Nathan had to take her and Selman home at Nanton and then he was to come and get me. A bit of a drive for them and wait for me. The police officer had asked if I wanted to go anywhere but where would I have gone with all those groceries? At least the weather was ok but it was starting to get dark. Then the Nurse came back (she had gone home to change out of her scrubs into other clothes) and asked if she could help me. What a guardian angel she was to me as it was getting cold as it got dark and I was trying to feed Lizzy and get my emotions under control as the whole thing was finally hitting me (perhaps I was in a bit of a shock before). She offered to take me to High River and we loaded my things up into her SUV and she drove me there while I talked to the Insurance people. She works at the hospital in High River on a medical unit. I am ever so grateful for good Samaritans like her and I pray that I may pay it forward. We met Chris is High River and then I poured out my heart and soul to him on the drive home.

I did not sleep well at all Tuesday night but I have been doing pretty good ever since at not thinking about this incident all the time. However, when I do think of it, I do feel such guilt: mom guilt, guilt for ruining our van and the man's car. I have been thinking of the What ifs. What if it Lizzy had been hurt, what if the vehicle that hit us had been bigger. I feel like a horrible driver and I never want to make a left turn again (which I already have had to do). I pray that this never happens again but I do know that accidents happen and can happen to anyone. I am grateful that we were kept safe last Tuesday and I pray that can be a good driver going forward. I am also grateful for the Lord's tender mercies in my life.

Happy Anniversary My Love

Dear Chris, Today is October 24. It is our 11th anniversary today. We have known each other a little over 12 years (We first met at a hot tub party at your place in August of 2008 I believe) and that is approximately 1/3 of my life and 1/4 of yours. My love for you deepens its roots more and more each year. It is true that I am not always the best wife and mother. I get confused and loose perspective sometimes. I find it hard to let some things go and I can have a temper at times. But I hope you can always forgive me when I mess up because there is one thing I know for sure, I want to be with you forever. You are the love of my life and my eternity. Thank you for loving me through thick and thin. Thank you for working hard and for trying to be happy even life gets you down. One of my favourite things is to hear you whistle while you are working, or showering or puttering around the house. It makes me happy because then I know you are happy. Never Stop Whistling! Never loose that sparkle in your eyes when you smile. And always know that you are the most perfect type of handsome in my eyes.

Thank you for being a wonderful father. The kids adore you and look up to you. They learn so much from you. Even Caeleb's teacher has commented on how Caeleb will talk about his Dad and how much his dad knows. They love and need you. Thank you for trying so hard with the jobs you have. You always give it your all with work and school even when it is not easy. When you try, you try your best and that is always enough! You are an amazing teacher. It is so apparent that you love to help others learn and achieve their full potential. You are so christlike in how you treat others, always being respectful, never gossiping, never thinking ill of anyone and never holding a grudge. I learn so much from you each day. Thank you for choosing me and for loving me. I know that we can work together through anything that life throws at us, the good and the bad. It can all be an amazing adventure. And I am excited to keep building up our relationship and our family throughout the eternities. I am so blessed to have you and our children in my life.

Love Katherine

Summer 2020

Well, it is about time I update summer of 2020. As I do so, I am sitting here in our dinning room in our beloved falling apart blue rocking chair while the kids busily build a fort with the dinning table chairs. They are getting along for now - yeah! The snow is coming down outside and the colder weather means way fewer flies. And we haven't seen a mouse in over a week so we are doing pretty well.

It rained alot in the spring and the first part of the summer. I love the rain! The crops were lush and full and beautiful which is great for the farmers and for everyone who appreciates them. Mom and Dad had mustard planted on their land and it did okay I believe. But the good crops brought many mice and we have caught about 30 mice in our basement this summer and fall and Chris and I have had a few late evenings chasing mice around the kitchen and living room. Plus one day while I was cooking on our stove, a mouse was poking its head up at the back of the stove. Gross! And one day I was watching the movie "Mouse Trap" and a mouse scurried across the living room. Kind of a surreal experience. And such is country life. But don't get me wrong, country life is the best!

Most of the Summer was spent at the farm. For Mom's birthday, the Nelsons came down and we got Chinese food and did a Scavenger hunt in town to celebrate Canada Day. Nothing else was going on due to Covid. The pool was only open for Swimming lessons and rentals and the rentals were $50 per hour so it was expensive and we were only able to book it twice in August.

We went down to the Nelsons ranch for Camellia and my birthday and Doug saddled up the horses and Camellia, Kamille and I went for a ride in the brush Thursday evening. So. Much. Fun! Thanks Doug! And thanks to Chris for watching Lizzy who was only 3 weeks old at the time. We joined Mom and Dad in Waterton the next day while Doug and Chris took the kids home to the farm (except Lizzy of course stayed with us). Then we went shopping in Pincher Creek and spent Saturday at the Nelsons just chilling, talking, watching Hamilton on Disney plus and doing some odd projects. We met the boys in Granum on Sunday at 1:00 and the kids wadded in the little lake there and we had a picnic.

Chris was busy with computer projects for the Watters propane company throughout July and we travelled to the island on Tuesday July 28th so he could do computer work out there and so that we could visit family. The kids did so well on the way out. I think Elizabeth did the best and Mary struggled the most. We spent 16 wonderful days there. Since we could not do a Watters family reunion at a location on the island, Eric and Racheal planned a stay at home family reunion and we did things with the Watters family most days. We played in Aunt Wendy's blow-up water park, we went to a couple of lakes to swim, we had an at home movie day for the kids and a outside projector movie for the older kids. We had a couple of games nights and family suppers. We had Aunt Mary and her family from Nanaimo come and visit. Racheal and Eric watched our kids and Chris and I were able to go on a date night all alone to the inner harbour - supper at Spinnakers, a walk by the ocean, ice cream and then to Mount Doug at Sunset. We had a girls night where we went canoeing at Elk lake and out to supper at Milestones at the inner harbour. Then Chris and I took the kids canoeing a few days later on Elk lake. The guys had a guys night a Jared's for a BBQ and the kids had several sleep overs - the girls with Eric and Rachels girls and Caeleb with Wendy's boys. We also went and had a picnic with Kurt and Alby at Mount Doug which was special since they do not interact with most of the family. It was a simple yet full and amazing trip. I love my Watters family so much and I am so grateful to be with them for Eternity! We came back on Friday August 14 and it is always such a long trip on the way home but we made it home by 11:30 pm after a stop for supper in Golden BC. We had booked the Champion pool for the day after and I invited a new family in our ward to join us. They have a boy that is Elva's age and is in her grade at Champion school. We will be excited to have any family move into the ward as our Primary is so very small - 5 kids now with Karson.

The next week in August was swimming lessons and Camellia and her kids joined us for that. It was a hot week (made it to the 30s that week) and we also went swimming at Little Bow a couple of times as well as booked the pool on Saturday August 22 for Liams 7th birthday. The last full week in August, Chris was busy preparing for his teaching job in Claresholm. The kids started school on Wednesday September 2 in Champion and it has been so good to be back to school. We have missed it and the kids are enjoying it! There is something to be said about having a routine with a school schedule. For the September long weekend the kids and I went to Camellia and Doug's so that Chris could get more school prep done and he has been working a lot of school prep ever since. He sure puts a lot of time into everything that he does but I suppose it is because he wants to succeed in what he does.

Elizabeth is growing fast. She has not yet rolled over but is lifting her head well at tummy time. She rolls on to her side. I like to "baby wear" meaning I use the Mobey wrap or the other baby carrier to carrier her while I putter around the house or when we go for a walk (Selman goes in the Chariot stroller). She likes to be held but really is a content baby. Except I have to remember not to eat chocolate as it makes her gassy. But I can not complain, she is so good and she takes a soother well while all our other kids did not. I love this stage. I wish I could continue to have a million bajillion newborn and little babies and children and I hope that after this life we can be blessed to have even more children because babies and little children are so wonderful. But I would not have them stay this way forever as I have a testimony of Heavenly Father's plan for us all to grow and become as he is. I will soak it all in and enjoy this stage with little Elizabeth being a baby, he toothless grins, her little giggles, her pure innocence, her perfect trust. I will hold her and snuggle her and love her and all my children. Well it is 7:53 pm so I need to get the kids to bed. I will write about the Fall another day.

Raw Selfish Thoughts

It is funny how a few days ago I wrote a post about how I want so much to be and to feel cherished and appreciated by Chris as a stay at home mother. And now, I feel like I should be the one to work about 10 or more shifts a month and have Chris stay at home with the kids and substitute. Not that I don't want to be at home, it is just that I have seen Chris struggle with work this last week. And I have struggled with his struggle. I know without a doubt that Chris is a great teacher. He is able to teach me and the kids so many things about math, science, astronomy, etc. He is patient with us and can think of multiple strategies to teach us things that are hard to comprehend. I imagine he is the same way teaching the grade 7 and 8s in Claresholm. But they are a tricky group of kids and he has some very hard students that are hard to control in a classroom setting. I know he is doing his best but I imagine it takes time to learn classroom management strategies in such cases and he is down on himself and in general and his thought are only about school these days. Even when I planned an early 11th anniversary breakfast and biking trip in Waterton last Saturday morning, I could tell his mind was elsewhere almost the entire time. He was and still is stressed. Today, Thanksgiving day (well yesterday now as it is 1230 am Tuesday now), he spent most of the day in his office working on school stuff. He took about an hour break to help Mom and Dad with some things at their place but he did not go for a bike ride, or join us for a baseball game outside and he worked well into the evening. I am selfish. I want his time, his thoughts, his words. It is hard to see him like this. So much of our marriage has been him working in his office whether it is doing computer work for his family's company, doing IT support work all hours of the day, doing school work while at University and now, preparing school work for his classroom.

For my job, I have to do some yearly competencies and I have to renew my CARNA registration every year and read my emails but it does not take too much time. Chris and I get paid about the same right now as we have part time positions. Maybe I should go back to work with my 0.42 position with a little extra and he could pick up casual as a teacher (so as his planning time will be limited) and we could live a simple life and hang out with each other and the family a lot more than we are doing right now. Or maybe I should just hold on and know that things will get better with Chris and his job. He will be blessed and get to a point where it gets easier and he will be present more in our life. Until then, I will believe in him and pray for him and try to be strong and patient.

Thoughts

I went for a beautiful walk this morning. It was cooler outside today with a bit of a wind. Very refreshing. I carried Lizzy in her carrier and pushed Selman in his chariot. It was so wonderful! The other kids were at school. As I walked, I had so many thoughts about life and how we are doing financially and in others ways. I have been thinking about that a lot lately. We are doing pretty well and I see the Lord's hand in our lives. I was thinking today about things that I would think about before I was married concerning life and being a wife and mother. I never knew if I would get married ( I never dated in High School and had only a few dates the first few years of University) and being the sensible person I have always been, and since I have always known how to work hard in school (I don't consider myself naturally smart, but I know how to study long and hard), I continued my education after High School. Since my grades were good, I got into University easy peasy. And I floated right along through the rapids of nursing school to become a Nurse. I figured at the time that I would probably live a simple life, maybe single, in a small home, with just a few cheap possessions and perhaps a few inexpensive hobbies (like Miss Honey from Matilda - "My house" from Matilda the Musical is one of my favourite songs). That lifestyle intrigued me and i felt at peace with it. But I was very blessed with finding Chris and we are happily married almost 11 years and we have 5 kids.

Working as a nurse the last 15 years on and off has been very challenging for me but during the last few years, I have been so blessed to gain so much confidence and knowledge. Before this Mat leave I was doing well in my career. But a career is not what I want. I have always wanted to be a stay at home mother. I have wanted so badly to feel valued in that calling. I know it is important. But the truth is, I don't feel valued in that calling at all and I don't really know if I ever will. My husband is indifferent to this subject and he likes to spend money on things so it helps to have two incomes. And I have adapted to his attitude and lifestyle and I have become a bit of a softy with my kids when they want things. We spend money on them and we buy things and go traveling when we can (Chris and I have been on a few nice trips in our marriage and we have taken the kids to Disneyland). My feeling of not being valued as a mother is very hard to describe and is so discouraging to me.

Sometimes I feel like we have derailed from the simple path in life. I have always wanted the simple path. Growing up I believe I was very easy to please. It is true that I wanted a horse and my parents got us some cheap horses and horse supplies when we were 11 but I did not need much else. We went on camping trips with our tent and we did go on a houseboat trip once and on a plane to Ottawa when my parents had a little extra money come in. But those were not the times that made me. It was the small moments - going to the mountains to get a tree, mom reading books to us, working outside with my family, a fire in the fireplace or hotdog roasts outside, simple Family Home Evenings, watching movies and reading books at home while snuggled up on the couch. I never had a car in High School but during University, my parents bought me what probably became the oldest car at BYUI at the time (1982 year - Old Blue was her name). They bought it when I panicked on how I would get to clinical during my second year of University and I was blessed to have that car and to have it start time and time again even after it would break down. Prayers sure worked for that car. I am grateful that my parents were able to help me out when they could. I worked hard to get scholarships and during my third and forth year of University while getting my Bachelors degree, I worked as a Nurse with an Associates degree. I did not spend much money at that time and I saved up Money to pay off student Loans and go on a mission. I am sure my Champion ward helped me with my mission as well and I feel very grateful for that.

When I married Chris, we had some unnecessary debt to pay off. I love my husband so much and we worked hard together to pay it off. I picked up every shift that I could, even working many Sundays in a row to the point  where Chris so kindly brought the Sacrament home to me (with permission from the bishop). because I was missing so much. I don't like working on Sundays but dont feel bad about it because I know nurses are needed on Sundays. when I could pick up as much as I wanted at the hospital (I wanted to work 4 to 5 shifts a week) I got an extra little job for a month taking care of a man with epilepsy. We sold my car and I walked to and from work early in our marriage. Chris worked full time and started online university the January after we got married. I remember being so proud of us paying off the debt so soon but we were still "Starving Students" in my eyes as Chris had just started school and we would have a long road ahead of us with that. It wasn't long after paying off the debt that Chris wanted to get a camera that cost a few thousand dollars. It didn't make sense to me that we would do that being starving students but I love him and I went along with it. I think it was at that moment that it hit me that this would be the expectation for our marriage. Things and money would be important. (Now, I have things that I like too - going places and seeing the world - and that costs lots of money too and there just is not enough money for everything!) In general this realization made me sad. Chris loves his hobbies and he is good at them. He is amazing with cameras, computers, models and strategy model games. I admire that so much and am in awe with how much he knows. But we have struggled with seeing eye to eye in some things because my so called "hobby" was always to live a simple life at home with my kids (with some camping trips and some other trips thrown into the mix once in a while - ok, I do admit I like my vacations). But I always wanted to be at the cross roads of my kids' lives, to have time to ready myself emotionally and spiritually in order to be there for my husband and kids when they need help. I didn't want to feel stressed and stretched going from work life, to home life, to work life to home life. Not to mention the phone calls from work, wanting me to pick up extra shifts and pulling me in the work direction. And my Mom kind of pulls me in the opposite direction saying that she would be happy if I had a big family if I did not work and so I feel guilty having this many kids. This is the story of my life.  I have had such intense anxieties going to work where I have cried on the floor by my bed at night. It worsened postpartum but before going back to work after Selman was born, I got on some Anti-Anxiety/Depression medication and it really helped me. Overall, I feel so incredibly blessed to have my job in Claresholm and have seen the hand of the Lord in my life getting that job.

I love my maternity leaves and wish I could keep having them so I could be home with my kids. However, I don't feel like that will help me feel cherished and appreciated as a mother. I know deep down that I should not rely on external validation or appreciation from my husband or other people. Perhaps those feelings can and should only come from within me as it should not matter what other people think. Perhaps they can come through my diligence with prayer and meditation and through reading the scriptures. I pray that I can get a peace in my life and come to know that I am indeed cherished as a woman and a mother and that I am not just good for the money that I make. I know that one day I will not have these negative feelings and will perhaps feel like I wasted time and energy on feeling this way so I really need to try and change these thoughts and feelings daily. And I will! I have been blessed with so much and I want to be in a positive state of mind so that I can make the most of my blessings in blessing the lives of others.

For now, I pray that I can cherish my last Maternity leave and work hard to be the best mom that I can be which might be easier now since I do not have the stress of work. I want to be the type of mother that my kids want to talk too and confide in. I want to support them and be a guide for them as they learn to navigate life. I am grateful for this very important calling and I hope I can be be what my children need in a mother.

Fall General Conference

Once again, I need to update my blog with the events of the summer and the beginning of Fall. But for now, I am sitting here in our living room, watching the last session of General Conference. I must admit, I have fallen asleep more than once this conference, and the kids have been very distracting (they did better on the Saturday sessions when they were playing their conference bingo) but I have and am feeling the spirit as I listen to what the leaders of the church are saying. And right now the kids are building a fort in the dinning room so they are distracted so I can listen and write. I do not know who I am listening too right now but he is talking about the Savior and I am grateful for his words. Elizabeth is rocking in her swing and happy at this moment. I am so grateful for my family! The kids can be very busy with their questions, talking, fighting, demanding, it is exhausting. But I know how blessed I am and I am trying to appreciate and cherish everyday with my little children. I know they grow up too fast. Caeleb is already 10. Crazy how time flys. I love my family. I want to be with them for eternity.

Now Elder Holland is talking. He is one of the last speakers and I love his talks. He likes to talk about how we will go through trials and long suffering but that our prayers will be answered and we will never be left alone. He just said that life can not be both faith filled and stress free. Right now I feel like everything is going well in my life. I was recently mentioning to my family that my biggest trial in my life right now is the many pesky flies that are still dominating our house due to the continued warm weather. That is not true. I was just joking about that being the hardest thing even though they are many and very pesky. I do feel like I have a bit of postpartum depression (I have on and off taken medication for it but need to be more consistent with taking it) and exhaustion ( and since Selman and Lizzy keep me up at night - especially Selman as he takes a bit to get to bed and gets up very early sometimes like at 4:30 or 5:30- I do get tired) and sometimes I struggle to feel happy, excited about things and motivated to get things done. Sometimes I get upset when the kids fight or they all want my attention at once and I am am being pulled in many directions at once. But honestly, my life is pretty simple and good right now and I love simple life. I love being home with my kids and have no regrets in taking 18 months of maternity leave so I will not have to go back till the end of December 2021. The work/mother balance is hard for me like I have mentioned many times before and I love being at home with my kids. I wish I could always be home with my kids or maybe just one day a week casual until they are all out of the home but we have been very blessed to have my income (even my employment insurance while on Maternity leave) as I am not sure how we would make ends meet without me (Chris is more of a hobby spender then me though I do like vacations). And besides, I feel like Chris is very indifferent to the topic of a Mother being in the home even if I think it is a very important job. But regardless of what I ramble about, I am so grateful to be a Mother. I was talking this morning to my dear friend Lindsey who is teaching in China right now, and I want so much for her to get married and be a Mother. I look up to her so much and feel like she would be a great Mother.

President Nelson is speaking now and I know that he is the Prophet of God and is inspired in what he says. These men just want what is best for us. They work hard spreading encouragement and testimony throughout the world because they love us and want us to have hope and eternal happiness. He just said this is the dispensation where no blessing will be withheld from the righteous. We should look forward to the future. We have divine potential. He tells us to embrace our "New Normal" throughout these difficult times. He announced some temples to be built and said that as "we build and maintain these temples, may we build and maintain ourselves". He tells us to prepare ourselves and the world for the second coming of the Savior. A powerful message.

I am so grateful for my life and my family. I am grateful for my warm home (even with the flies) and that I have my wonderful family near me. I am grateful for this fall season. It is such a beautiful fall, very warm and the leaves are changing colors slowly and it is so beautiful outside! It really is my favourite season of the year. I am grateful for conference and the peace and hope that the Gospel of Jesus Christ gives us. I know that life will not always be so simple and easy but I know that we can get through anything when we have faith in Christ. I have been so blessed.

Welcome little Elizabeth Anne Watters

Well, a new little girl, a perfect little Angel has joined our family. We feel so incredibly blessed for our children. 3 girls and 2 boys ( I dreamed of a family of 3 girls and 2 boys when I was young and wow!) This is her story:

We had set Friday June 19th as induction day. I knew towards the beginning of this pregnancy that I did not want to go to 40 weeks as I did not want to go into labour out on the farm. I was considering moving into Calgary a few weeks before my due date. I did not want bleeding complications ( like last time) out on the farm as well. Baby was also breech until 36 weeks. I believe I felt it turn the evening of my last day of work on May 31. Baby was measuring in the 95th percentile at 36 weeks and so we knew baby was big and would be okay coming before the due date. On Tuesday June 16th, after Chris had his school classes on Zoom, him and I left the farm at 2:00 and drove to Calgary for my 3:20 pm appointment at South Health Campus. It was good to have him at that appointment. She did not do as sweep but checked to see how I was and I was 3 cm and 40 % effaced. No contractions the week before but I had felt uncomfortable and had to pee a lot on the Saturday evening so I think that may have been when I dilated to 3 cm.

We had a beautiful date night on Tuesday evening where we went to a fancy (and expensive) steak restaurant near down town and then we went for a walk in the beautiful Princess Island Park. We had our engagement pictures taken there and it is a favourite park of Chris' as he used to work downtown and would walk there on his lunch breaks.

We stayed in the basement suite of my Michelle's house in Copperfield for 3 days and on Wednesday, I went for several walks around a pond by her house. We went out for supper again at a Thai restaurant and I got some spicy pad thai and some coconut based soup and a pineapple bubble tea (pineapple is supposed to help induce labour too). On Thursday, Chris had his last online teaching day in the basement of Michelle's house and then we went and shopped for bikes for Chris and then went and visited Kamille. I wanted Chris to get a bike for Fathers day but the kind he wanted was all sold out (everyone wants a bike now due to the pandemic and not being able to do other activities). We got some Popeyes Louisiana chicken for Michelle's family for lunch and we went for a walk by Glenmore reservoir (brings me back to walking to work at the Rockyview).

Friday was the big day. I was nervous knowing I was to be induced that day. We went to brunch at Coras at 1030ish and my emotions were getting the best of me as I was not sure if I was supposed to be eating so close to being induced but Chris reassured me the Doctor said I could have brunch. Then we went to memory express to get some things for Chris' computer project and then we went for a walk in the wetland area of Copperfield (which is a lot more finished then when we lived there). It was weird and nerve-wracking but very exciting knowing I was going to be induced and have a baby soon.

We got to South Health Campus a little before 2:00 (my induction appointment was set for 2:00pm). We went through the screening at the front door (which is routine for COVID now) and when we got to the unit they were very busy so they put us in triage and we waited for about half an hour there. I was hooked up to the monitors and things looked good. They found us a room about 2:30 pm and we ended up waiting about 3 hours (I tried to sleep and Chris did sleep) while we waited for someone to come in and get things started. They ended up letting me have supper and then the doctor came in and broke my water at 6:30 pm. I was still at 3 cm so no change in the last few days which makes sense because I was not having regular contractions. My Nurse started a saline locked IV at that time as well. My veins were horrible and she could not do it in two attempts but I know how it feels to miss IVs and I didn't care. It seemed like the end of the world for her which made me feel bad so note to self, do not feel bad when I do not get an IV in. The third IV got in so we were good to go.

Nothing was happening after that. I tried walking around the room (I was not allowed to walk outside of the room like last time due to the virus) and bouncing on the birthing ball while we watched, or rather listened too, The Sound of Music for the next 3 hours. We tried to get some sleep but it was hard to do so for me (not so much for Chris). Since nothing was happening, they started me on the Pitocin drip at about 9:30 pm (I was on the drip last time too). I only got up to 4 units/hour and I think last time it was 7 units per hour. I started having regular contractions within half a hour or so but I would still bounce on the ball, go to the bathroom frequently, talk to the nurse and walk around the room for the next hour and a half. About 1100 the contractions were pretty hard and close together and I was breathing through them while standing and gripping on to the side of the bed and instructing Chris to do hip squeezes (he did a good job). He was also smart and brought a fan and that helped me feel like I was getting more oxygen. At about 11:45, I was getting tired and could not imagine doing this all night long! I asked for an Epidural. The Nurse checked me and said I was a 5-6cm and that was discouraging for me so I wanted that epidural. But then things went quickly. I suddenly felt like I needed to push. My Nurse had just gone on break so another nurse came in and checked me and said I was a 6-7 cm. Then suddenly I really felt like I had to push. The doctor came in and checked me and I was 10 cm! This all happened within about 10 minutes and I was committed - no time for an epidural. They called people in and got the bed set up for pushing. I pushed about 3 - 4 contractions and I sure could feel the burning this time. I was making some weird noises. Baby's shoulder got stuck for 25 seconds and the resident pushed on my belly to pop her out. (They called for back up but did not need anyone thank goodness). And what a relief that was! She was out! She - they said it was a girl! I was so busy concentrating and closing my eyes that I did not realize they had put her on my chest. While they got the placenta out and stitched me up (2nd degree tare yet again), I held baby Elizabeth and tried feeding her. No issues there - she is a good eater. I had originally thought baby was a girl but in the last few months, I was thinking it may be a boy. We love our little Elizabeth! Born at 1217 AM on June 20th - 8 lbs 7 ounces, 19 and 3/4 inches long. Some dark hair and long fingers and toes.

I hardly slept that night. I cuddled and fed baby a lot. The nurse was in constantly pressing on my belly as I was bleeding more than I should. But a second bolus of Pitocin helped with that. Chris slept more than me but he was a big help changing diapers, texting family and cuddling baby so I could try sleeping. I was up to the bathroom quite a bit and showered in the middle of the night. Baby did not have a bath as that is something they have stopped doing in the hospital. Supposedly it is good not to bath a newborn very much.

We slept and cuddled baby throughout the morning. And after the pediatrician came in about 2:30 pm and the hearing test was done, we were allowed to leave the hospital at about 4:30 and we were home by 6:00pm - our shortest stay ever. The kids were excited to see baby Elizabeth. They had a sign that said "Welcome, Bizy Lizzy." Chris and I love Pride and Prejudice and will call her Lizzy from time to time as a nick name.

It is so good to be home with our Little Lizzie. And we are so grateful to Camellia, Mom, Dad and Doug for watching the kids while we were away. We feel so very very blessed in life. Welcome home, baby Lizzie!

The Waiting Game

Well, we are in the midst of playing the waiting game. Waiting for little one to arrive that is. I am super excited! I am also nervous for childbirth... but mostly excited. This pregnancy has gone fast. Probably because I have worked quite a bit during this pregnancy. It is 2:35 in the morning and I can't sleep. Typical for 3rd trimester in pregnancy. I do kick counts and baby is okay. I have been cramping a little bit but not too bad. I had a lot more with Selman the week before he was born. At my 3:20 afternoon appointment when we first came up to Calgary on Tuesday, Dr Mirazo said I was 3 cm dilated and 40% effaced. She also said she may see me before my induction date this Friday June 19 but I am not sure. She didn't do a sweep but I did feel crampy after the appointment while Chris and I went on a walk to Princess Island Park downtown as well as to supper at a Vintage steak house downtown (to celebrate Father's Day this coming Sunday. I also got him a bike helmet for Fathers Day as well as I got some treats for Nathan and my Dad). I love them all very much (even if I don't always understand guys).

We are staying at my friend Michelle's house. She lives in our old Calgary community of Copperfield and her home seems like a second home to me. I used to watch her 2 boys here at this house along with my kids during a couple of summers. I have also slept here a few times when I have worked a few shifts in a row the Rockyview this last year. They have a nice little basement suite. Chris is with me and I am listening to him snore beside. Perhaps that is partly why I am awake too. Chris is still doing 5 online classes a day with his students from Huntsville Elementary school (he has been working there since November after finishing working at Arrowood Hutterite colony) and did that yesterday and will again do so today for the last time as school is almost done. I like to listen to him teach. He is a good teacher and has always done well at teaching me things. It was fun to walk around Princess Island Park Tuesday evening. I went on some walks yesterday around a few ponds in Copperfield and that was fun too. We have been spoiling ourselves on this little getaway and we have eaten out several times including a Thai Food place this evening. We had spicey Pad Thai and coconut soup and bubble tea. Do you think it will help bring on Labour? We talked about our missions and enjoyed the rain falling outside. It was fun.

But I am missing the kids and I feel so lonely tonight even with Chris sleeping beside me. Camellia and Mom are taking good care of them at the farm and they are having fun with their cousins but Caeleb called me in tears this evening as I think he misses us. I miss them so much. I don't think I like getaways longer than one night away from the kids. I miss Caeleb's imagination about Disneyland/Avengersland and how he makes up Disneyland around the house, Elva's warm, caring, motherly heart and seeing her take care of the others and her love for Nana, Mary's spunk, seriousness yet silliness at the same time, and playing barbies with her and Selman's mischievous grin and mommy snuggles with him. I love my children! I want to be a better mother for them. I want them to feel of my love for them. I want them to know how special they each, individually are, and how much potential they each have. They will all go far in life and I hope that they all work hard to achieve their goals. I hope they all seek for spiritual things and put the gospel of Christ and his church first in their lives. Sometimes I feel so alone in teaching them spiritual things but I hope they can feel of my testimony and know how important it is for me to have spiritual nourishment. After all, there is so much more to this life and for the life to come. And by feeding ourselves spiritually, we understand more of the meaning of this life and of the life to come and that knowledge offers peace and hope. Perhaps, I am writing this because I want to work more on my spiritual health. I need to do better at reading the scriptures and Come Follow Me and pondering on spiritual things. Regardless of what others do, I need to be a better example to my children. I am going to try harder to be a better example to my children this summer. I want to make our spiritual health a priority. And I am excited to have a new little Angel, sent straight from Heaven, in our home. Newborn babies can see into Heaven, of that I am sure. They are so wise and know so much (thus is the reason they can not talk and share it all with us) and I am excited to have another sweet little spirit in our home. I feel so very blessed for that. Now to get through the next few days. I can be brave and take it all in stride. So bring it on! Now to rest up. Goodnight then.