Home on the Prairies

Home on the Prairies

Sunday, September 26, 2021

Anxiety

It is 3:15 in the morning and it is the second night in a row where I have been awake at this time due to anxiety. I always seem to write in my blog in the middle of the night. Well, not always, but a lot. I go back to work in 3 months (December 27th) and I keep thinking about it. Will I be good enough when I go back? Will I be able to juggle work life and home life? I feel like my hair is falling out due to stress. Or maybe my iron is low. Who knows.  I just started back on my anti-anxiety-depression medication and hopefully that will work. Last time I went back to work, I started on that medication and it worked wonders. I hope that is the case this time. I am also starting an emotional self reliance course today via zoom. It is offered by the church and is more or less structured like the financial self reliant class that Chris and I took a few years ago with the ward. I am excited to take this class! I know that I need to be optimistic and go into any challenge in life with self confidence and a positive attitude. I can do this! 

It has been such a beautiful Fall! Similar to last year, the weather has been so warm. It was around 25 degrees yesterday! The leaves are taking their time to change colors and it looks beautiful outside. But it has also brought the flies. I thought we had dodged that bullet as there were only a few flies come mid August. But September brought many more and one is bugging me at the moment. Not quite as bad as last year though and we have had no mice! Last year we caught around 30 in the basement. We have some cats that hang around the house and the crops were horrible this year so I am thinking that those two things are factors in having less mice and I am not complaining (although nicer crops would have been nice for mom and dad and all our neighbors). 

We have seen such blessings with Chris' job! He got a two month 0.4 temporary job in Nobleford beginning in September. We entered the summer without him having a job but he secured one the beginning of July. After two weeks at work, his job turned into a fulltime contract that goes until December. The guy he is filling in for is on disability leave and, who knows, maybe this will turn into something permanent. Not that we want to take the job away from that nice guy, but it would make life easier if Chris had a permanent job. I guess we will wait and see but we feel so blessed that he has a good job. Last year was tough teaching in Claresholm and Chris enjoys Nobleford much better. He is teaching programming, study block and math and he is enjoying it. I admire him so much as he goes to work each day with a smile on his face and a positive attitude. He is amazing!

The kids are back in school and are enjoying it. Mary is back for a second year of kindergarten. Last year was pre-kindergarten. There are 7 kids in her class and she seems to be enjoying it. She is more confident and enthusiastic about heading off on the bus Tuesdays and Thursdays. She did not really want to go to pre-kindergarten last year but this year is a lot better.  Caeleb and Elva are enjoying being back with their friends. Champion school is so small - probably less than 60 kids at the moment - but it is like a family environment. These kids get to know each other so well over the years. This year we are going to work on study techniques with Caeleb and reading with Elva. It is coming, slowly but surely and she is doing so much better and will continue to do better. You got this Elva! I know my kids will be able to use their struggles, and experiences in life to sympathize with and help others. Elva is taking Piano this year and Caeleb is taking Guitar. I hope I can help them with their studies and their instrument practicing. I don't think Mary cares to do any extra activities this year. Last year her and Elva did Highland dancing but they are not too keen to go back this year. I would like to do an online Highland dance class like I did last year and maybe Selman could do a class. He is so cute with a kilt on and he seems to enjoy it. We will see. 

I spend my days at home with the littles. Selman is potty training, slowly but surely. Nintendo switch time has been the incentive and has backfired greatly. Now it is this constant battle because he wants to play it so much and gets upset when he can't. Grrrr. I am lucky I have the 5 kids who have to learn how to share it! I need to be a better Mom and turn the electronics off more and I will continue to fight the screen time battle. It can be emotionally exhausting!

Lizzy is busy. She loves to cuddle with anyone. She burrows her little head to the shoulder of anyone who picks her up. But she is also very busy. She toddles all around the house, creating chaos wherever she goes. She pulls books off of shelves, dishes out of cupboards, toys out of bins, clothes out of drawers. The mess is never-ending. But she is so cute and I never mind a mess from our little Lizzy biz. 

 I have been into learning about Christian beliefs these days and I ask my friend a lot of questions. I do consider myself a Christian but I suppose a lot of Christians do not. I listen to a lot of Christian talks as well as General Conference talks while I am working around the house. I am in a Bible study group with my friend and some others from her church this Fall and we are studying Esther. It has been a great experience thus far! I am learning a lot about the Bible. But I also have a testimony of the Book of Mormon and I believe that we have a living Prophet on earth today. It is pretty cool though. I am finding answers to my questions in the Bible and these answers are not taking away from my previous beliefs. It is interesting how people can interpret the Bible differently and I am trying to look at the Bible from a whole perspective and piece it together like a puzzle. Chris and I have had some great gospel conversations of late and they always draw me closer to him and closer to God. I am grateful for my Heavenly Father and my Savior Jesus Christ. It always goes back to the atonement of Christ. Without him, I am nothing!

COVID keeps on chugging along. We are in the fourth wave and a lot of Albertans over 12 are vaccinated (including Chris and I) but the hospitals are being overwhelmed still and a lot of the unvaccinated are getting really sick and are in the ICU. Champion school has had a few cases but we have dodged it so far. I imagine we might eventually get it, who knows, but hopefully it does not affect us that much. It is hard to see people get divided due to their views. People who don't want to get vaccinated and people who do. I understand both sides. We have had some students drop out of Champion school to home school because of COVID and that makes me kind of sad. I want Champion school to do well. Sometimes I feel like I need to try for another child to keep Champion school going. But that is a ridiculous reason to have another child. One child will not make the difference. Still, my thoughts go there though I really don't think that will happen.

Well, I best be getting back to bed. Today is Sunday, my favorite day of the week. Chris has to go in to church early as he is now second counselor in the Bishopric but I will stay home with the kids and watch church from home as I also want to see my cousin Heather's son Logan talk in church (I love zoom technology). He is going on a mission soon, I believe to Missouri. I am excited for them and I am excited for my children to serve missions. What a hard but amazing experience it was in my life! Anyways, the zoom meeting for his talk starts at 9:00 and then the kids and I will watch church from home at 1000. It appears a lot of people are enjoying Zoom meetings from the comfort of home these days and I don't blame them. I really do prefer to go to the church for meetings but it is amazing to have the technology to be able to watch from home. And I am super excited for General Conference next weekend!

I will try to catch up on Summer events a little later. Until then, goodnight...or good morning (it is 4:18 AM now and Lizzy just found me for some snuggles). 


Saturday, September 4, 2021

Progression

Just some thoughts of the day. Lately, I have been thinking greatly on the topic of progression and other gospel topics.

I have been reading and pondering more on the Bible. In doing so, I think of God. I think about what God was before the World was formed. What was he doing at that time? Did he create more worlds, with other animals and humans? 

And then I think about what we will do with God in Heaven. We will Glorify him but how do we do that? Does God want us to sing praises to him for all eternity? Will we eat all the time? Will we play sports or read books or visit with everyone forever? We will be perfect! There will be no pain or suffering or sin! It will be a beautiful, glorious place! But what will we do forever?

Will God want to teach us? 

If God teaches us, we will learn. And is learning not a form of progression? 

As we learn, we become more like God. For God knows all things. Will we sit around all day with all this knowledge in our souls without being able to do anything about it? Or will be able to use this knowledge for good and to glorify God even further?

With eternal learning and acting on what we learn, is there not that reality that we can indeed become like God? In Genesis, it says that we are made in the image of God. Not that we will become equals to God as he will always be ahead of us and therefore better than us on this infinite journey. He will always be greater than us and therefore we must always ALWAYS! give the Glory to him! 

I do not think of these things because I want any Glory for myself. I think of these things because God allows me to do so. These thoughts do not take away from my love for my God and my Savior. On the contrary! I feel more love and gratitude. 

When I think of these things, I feel of my Savior's love. I think of his Atonement and how he has made everything possible. Without him, we are nothing! I feel the spirit strongly in my life as I ponder on these things. I feel truth as I let the Holy Ghost guide and progress my thoughts and feelings line upon line, precept upon precept.