The Women in my Life

I am writing alot lately. But I just needed to express my gratitude this morning! I have been thinking alot about the women in my life. My mom is an example of plugging away when life gets hard. She is a hard worker. I read a poem once about a Mother's hands. I need to find that poem again. My Mother's hands may been calloused from the many weeds she has pulled, the meals she has prepared, the people she has served throughout her life, and she still is going strong even with the aches and pains of all the work she had done. I look up to her example. 

I am just listening to Elva's singing lesson right now and I am grateful for her singing teacher. Her house is clean and tidy (mine not so much), with bread rising on the counter. She is part of our Relief Society of Champion ward and does so much for so many people. And yet she still takes time to share her music talents and teach Elva. 

Elva and Caeleb have a piano teacher from our ward who has taken them under her wing. She was my grade 2 and 6 teacher and those were some of my best and most memorable years at school. She taught by music and music makes memories. She gives of her time and talents to help those in the community. 

I am grateful for all the women in Champion ward and in Champion town. I see so many hands of service. 

I am grateful to be able to serve others. Mostly it is my kids and parents, and the patients at work at the moment. But I am able to serve others time to time and I had a good visit with a friend the other day as I helped her move things around in her house. 

Isn't service just sharing and seeing God's love in life. Are we not all instruments in God's hands? 

Your gonna miss this

I like country music. It is always the music I go back too after hopping from 80s to 90s to classical to modern. I have to admit, classical was a childhood staple as we listen to Bach and Mozart while going to sleep as kids, as well as Les Miserables on my walkman for any road trip. I memorized most of that musical.

But I come back to country time and time again. I remember sleeping outside on the trampoline or in blanket made hammocks as a child and falling asleep to country music that Nathan played on his old radio that looked like a tiny TV. 

John Micheal Montgomery, George Strait, Alan Jackson, Paul Brant. And many others. I have learned to love the oldies in recent years such as Hank Williams. There is something soothing about his voice. 

There's a modernish country song called you'r gonna miss this. I am thinking about it now. 

I know that the tiredness, the business, the anxiety, the chaos and confusion of having a job, kids and a million things to do and places to be will go by too quickly and I am going to miss this someday. So I will hold onto it as long as I can. I am just watching 8 year old Mary sleep next to me. Sometimes 3 or 4 kids will end up with me in bed and I wake up with aches from sleeping in weird positions. But that is ok. I will miss this someday and I feel so blessed to have what I have. I am grateful to God for life. 

On a tangent...speaking of life...

I want to write a book someday. It will be about spiritual philosophies on life, explained in a metaphor. It will be about a young boy from a place called Innocence. Lets call him Noble. This boy has heared of the ultimate journey to a wonderful kingdom that he can find if he decides to venture out on difficult journey. In order to find this Kingdom, he is told that he needs to solve 3 riddles, each with a time limit. He starts this journey with 10 other people. When he comes upon the places where he is to solve the riddles, he sees people in need. One man in particular. This man offers him words of wisdom and Noble chooses to trust him. Noble chooses to help those in need and in doing so, he either misses the opportunity to solve the riddles or he gets the riddles wrong and is unable to obtain passage to the right path to the kingdom. These riddles are confusing and hard to get right. Noble is not a scholar. 

He gets lost in the forest while helping one in need and he stumbles onto a glorious golden fence. He beholds a beautiful kingdom beyond, with beautiful weedless gardens and delicious food set on tables of gold, yet he cannot get inside. There is no gate for him. He sees two of his friends that he started his journey with. They are beyond the golden fence. They are eating and drinking, singing and laughing. Noble calls out to these two friends and asks about the others that they came with. One of them reminds him that some of their friends were lost early on in the journey for various reasons. Others did not get the riddles right and consequencely were led down a different path. One of them on the other side of the fence states smugly, "what does it matter where these people are, I got all I want and need here. I am well fed, well entertained, comfy and happy" The other friend looks cowardly towards Noble, avoiding eye contact and hesitantly states "I don't know where our other friends are but I shall not go after them. I will stay here where it is safe." 

Noble looks as them with confusion and sadness. He does not remember his friends being so selfish. He continues down the path he is on to look for the others. The path takes him to a dungeon under the kingdom. It is dark, wet, cold, awful. The only light is from fires that burn the flesh as people get too close. There is no way out. He finds his 7 other friends in that place. He helps those friends and the many that are there. He sings to them, he gives of his food in his backpack and his coat off his back. He offers them hope, warmth and light. They are in despair. 

The wise man from the Journey finds Noble in the Dungeon. He teaches Noble and lets Noble decide what he wants to do. Noble wants to stay and help his friends rather than enjoy the luxuries above. This desire triggers something in the wise man and he shows his true, magnificent colors. He leads Noble and all who choose to go with him (after learning more of what the wise man has to say), on another jounry. It is a harder journey, up a mountain beyond the kingdom. They take their time and help each other along. The view at the top is incredible. The King is there, overlooking his kingdom. He teaches them what to look for and this allows Noble and all who desire too, to see in the distance those who have just started their journey from the land of Innocence. Those at the top of the mountain can make the choice to continue a difficult journey back to the start to be wise men for those there, and to help those who need help, who are reaching for something more. 

This is all I've got for now. If I don't write this book, maybe someone who thinks like me will. 

Anyways, I best be going to bed. Just wanted to write my thoughts down. 

Christmas time

It was a great Christmas! It just went too fast. I picked up 5 shifts and worked my regular 3. I shouldn't have picked up so much. I regret that. But the time and a half for working boxing day was nice. It will help us as we save up for an RV trip this summer. Camellia and Doug are going to rent Doug's brothers RV and we will share the cost and caravan with them in our Van. I wish my brother Nathan would go but he said no already. He is in a dark place it seems. It is hard and makes my anxiety thrive.

Friday December 1st, our ward did the Champion Nativity and it was really good. Not cold like last year. The town does hot chocolate, hot dogs and hay rides and it makes for a fun evening. Chris was a Wiseman, Caeleb was a Wiseman helper, and Mary, Elva and I were Angel's. 

Mom got us a tree from the scouts in Nanton and we decorated it after I worked on Sunday Dec 3rd. We watched Polar express as per tradition. It makes for a magical evening.

The kids school concert was on the 20th. I had to push hard to get it off work. It is hard not having Chris here to help with that. It was a simple hour long program, the junior high did some songs for band (only 11 of them in the band), the little kids sang songs and Elvas grade 5/6 class did a fun play about North Poles got talent. It was the best performance Champion has had yet.

Our ward party was the Friday before Christmas was beautiful complete with the usual delicious roast beef dinner. I was tired as I had short shifted the night before (evening Thursday to day on Friday). Camellia and Dougs family came. It was a good time. 

I worked the Saturday and Christmas eve Sunday was spent going to church for an hour and then preparing and eating a delicious Turkey dinner with my parents, Nathan and my friends Lindsey and Meike. We watched some of its a wonderful life and all of Mr. Krueger Christmas. And Chris read the Nativity story.

The kids were in bed by 8:30 ish. I read them The Night before Christmas as they went to bed. The oldest 3 slept in Elvas room. 

They were up by 6:00 and then down to the living room at 7:00 for stockings. We had cracked wheat (boiled wheat) for breakfast and then we helped Dad over and Mom and Nathan came and we opened gifts. Mary got a hamster that she named Peanut. Nathan kept her in his room for the week before Christmas. Elva got some horse stuff (helmet and boots from Gainors) and a Tamagotchi pet. Caeleb got some boared games. Selman got lego and a Nintendo switch game and Lizzy got an Elsa dress and Barbies. And the kids got a mini fooseball/air hockey/pool table which they love. Chris got a camera. That was a big spend. It is good that he is working.

We had a lazy Christmas day, I worked Boxing day. We spent some days watching Lord of the Rings, playing board games, eating food. We spent a night at a Lethbridge Hotel with Mom and Dad and the Nelsons, enjoying swimming, bowling and eating at Tony Romas. We missed Nathan for that. And we had sister Burbank over on New Years eve after I worked. We played a game with her and the kids did musical chairs which was a blast. We had appetizers and we watched the movie New Years Eve. The 2 Littles were asleep by 9:00 and Mary fell asleep on the couch by 10:00. But the rest of us made it till midnight.

I worked New Years Day evening and was able to do Karaoke with many of the patients which was blast for them and I and was just what was needed to boast the moral on our unit (including mine). 

One of my New Years goals was to not watch certain youtube videos (Evangelicals bashing other belief systems). It has caused alot of distress for me and there is no need for it. They can believe I am going to Hell for my beliefs, but in doing so, they will also need to believe most of mankind, including the Muslims being killed in Gaza these days and the Jews of the Holocaust, are going to Hell too. It doesn't look good on them for believing that. In fact, it appears selfish and wrong. If I am going to Hell, for having incorrect theology (which Evangelicals believe is the one unforgivable sin that Jesus' atonement will not cover), I aim to help those in Hell find faith and hope in a God who I believe is as equally merciful as he is just in a way that makes sense to all people and who will save most people in anyway he can, because of his perfect understanding of them. But they can believe whatever they want, even if it scary, selfish and dangerous. I do like to listen to David Alexander, who seems to understand things like me, BUT, in reality, I am trying to cut as much youtube out of my life as possible. 

I want to be like my cousin Melanie. When we were little, she was the one who hung out with me when she would come to the farm and her sister Maryanne would spend time with Camellia. Melanie is going through a hard time right now with stage 4 cancer. I just listened to a recent interview from her and it felt like I was listening to Grandma Smith (how I imagine Grandma sounding in her younger years). I bet Melanie would be alot like Grandma Smith the older she got. I miss Grandma. I admire Melanie's  courage and her faith and it makes me proud to be a part of the Smith family. I haven't always felt like I fit in with the Smith family. I remember some of my  cousins being mean to Nathan, Camellia and I. We were the misfits. But I always felt loved by Grandma Smith. I pray for Melanie and her family and I always put her name on the Temple role when I go. 

Chris is back to school and I miss him. Grandma Smith only had her husband for 14 years. I can be without Chris for the week days. But I miss him. And I miss him more these last few days as the weather gets to the - 30s and - 40s. 

I am chuckling to myself as I lay next to a napping Lizzy while listening to Mary sing her little heart out to The Greatest Showman. Mary is so serious, with such a sarcastic sense of humor, it is fun to catch these moments. She really likes that movie and we all watched it last night while sleeping in the living room, listening to the cold wind outside.