A Planner

I was talking to myself as I washed the floor this morning about life and what I want to plan for in the future. In a way, I am a planner or in the least a speculator about the future. I plan out different scenarios in my life and try to figure out what I would do or what would happen in each scenario.

 What if Chris died? What if I died? Who would take care of the kids? Well, Aunt Camellia and Uncle Doug of course - or Aunt Rachel and Uncle Eric as back up. Will there be enough from life insurance to help the kids? Chris would only get $200,000 if I died. He would pay off the mortgage, pay for Caeleb's braces ($8000 for braces - yikes!), use some money for the first year of being alone trying to make ends meet, maybe take the kids on a $6000 trip (disney/church history tour) and put some into savings. I don't know if there would be enough for all this and he would have to be frugal. He would get married again too. I hope she would take good care of the kids and Chris, love the farm, and make things work out on the farm.

But I don't plan on dying anytime soon. So, where will we live when we are older? What do we want for our children in the future? In  some ways, I don't plan very well. Especially when it concerns what is happening tomorrow or next week. For example, one of my kids was hard to drag out of bed for school the other day so I drove this child to school. When I got there, I saw that everyone was dressed up for a special events day at school and I had completely forgotten. Bad Mom moment. I was in tears when I left the school (though I later found out my kids had figured it out on their own and were just fine), and I got a big hug from a friend as we went on our walk which made me feel a lot better. She is so awesome. Anyways, I am forgetful and I don't plan for everything or write everything down on our calendar nor do I hardly ever do a to do list and in short, I AM NOT PERFECT - but no one is. 

I do like to plan for the future in other ways. I love where I live, on the farm, in my Grandma and Grandpa Smiths beautiful 100 year old brick home. I love my home! There is plenty to fix up still - the windows for instance are so old that I feel like I could crack them if I breath on them too hard. And they are very dirty and impossible to clean well. But, we hope to get new windows when we renew our mortgage in 3 years and we hope to finish the attic someday (I am very slowly working on mudding the drywall in the attic but I am so clueless and it looks horrible). Will I live here until I die? Maybe I will. But in reality, I would love it if one day (you know, when I am 60 or 65 and retired) one of my kids or one of Camellia's kids or one of Grandma and Grandpa Smith's decedents or perhaps any loving family took over this beautiful place to raise their family in this beloved, heritage family home. It is a perfect home for a growing family. And perhaps Chris and I will move to Champion or Vulcan (I can see us in a small apartment in Champion or Vulcan someday). And if the day comes where I have dementia or another disease where I cant take care of myself anymore, I hope I can proactively go live at Extendicare in Vulcan or somewhere where my kids can visit me and maybe take me on an outing every month or so. I hope they will do up my room with a comfy single bed, warm and cozy blankets, a nice comfy chair that I can rest in, books to read, a TV to watch, a picture of the Savior, a picture of my family and picture of the farm on the wall, and maybe even a Thomas Kincade picture of a house that will fuel my imagination if I still have one (he is my favourite painter - I love his cozy houses). Life can still be beautiful then. 

 I want my kids to know that it is ok when the time comes for me to live in a lodge or nursing home. I will be fine! It is just part of life. 

Of course there will be the specifics when the time comes to move on in life - do we sell the house to the kids (I mean there will always be work and money that needs to go into this house and that alone will cost a lot for whoever lives here)? For how much do we sell it? How will we make it fair to our other family members? Maybe some of the money that is made by selling the house at a fair price can be used to help the other kids in our family to make things fair? I do not want there to be family arguments! I should not worry too much about these things now. But I think about them sometimes and it does not hurt to plan. I have seen how not having a clear plan hurts families. 

A theoretical plan would be, if one of Mom and Dad's 10 Grandchildren takes over the Quarter section, he or she could pay a rent to own to the other 4 children and us (5  payments) a monthly payment of $250 (x5 = $1250 a month) over 25 years. Then the bank would not have to get involved for a mortgage and take thousands of dollars in interest. Or, if someone ends up selling the quarter section with the houses to a nice family, and the 1/2 section of crop to a farmer, the rest of the family could establish a co-op to the remaining 1/4 section of land by the Coulee in the NW part of the farm. A little getaway cottage could be built there for family use and memories sake. These are just thoughts. 

I want my kids to realize this is about equity, not equality. Who does it make sense to have the land go to? Not what is fair! It made sense for my Dad to live here as he farmed the land. He had no other income and now we know more than ever that this land was a huge blessing in his life. Which of my kids or Camellias kids or someone else will it make sense to own the farm someday? I hope that my kids will pray about this and make decisions in love and understanding. 

I used to wonder why people moved/downsized to a smaller place when they got older but now I absolutely know why and I admire people for downsizing. Chris and I always have had the thought that we should just have what we need when it comes to housing and vehicles. When we were first married, we only needed to rent a small, one bedroom apartment (oh how I loved that first year we were married living on the 13th floor of an old Calgary apartment building). When we bought a house, we needed a small starter home in Calgary for us and our 2 kids and when our family grew, the brick house became the blessing we needed to fit our growing family. When we are older and it is just the two of us, what do we really need? If one of the kids buys the brick house, we can have our family get togethers here on the farm. And really, in any circumstance we can work things out and stay close to family. But I hope as I grow older, I can have the courage and ability to simplify my life even further. I think it will make moving onto the next life a bit easier. 

As for now, I feel like I have resolved to working as a nurse till Chris retires. Of course those plans could change too. What if I am injured or become sick? What if Chris is injured or becomes sick? Etc, etc, etc. But I undoubtedly feel blessed for my job as a nurse. Chris is almost 6 years older then me and he started his teaching career later in life. Maybe he will retire when he is 65, almost 66, maybe a bit older. Maybe he will substitute after that. Maybe I will retire when I am 60. Maybe I will work part time until I am 55 or so and then work full time for a few years (I kind of would like to be a nurse clinician for a few years  or have a more Monday - Friday nursing office type job). Maybe I will work casual or part time after Chris retires. Who knows. I just hope and pray that I can be there for my family in any way that I can be and that I will do well with the work/family life balance. And I know we should prepare and plan where we can and then be ok with whatever life throws at us. After all, the main thing is to do your part, work hard, keep priorities straight and trust in the Lord that everything will be ok.