Dear Chris, tender mercy

 Dear Chris,

I just want to tell you about an experience that happened to me yesterday. Actually, I already told you. I just want to write it down. I was exhausted yesterday. I am even more exhausted today Shift work is hard. An evening shift Wednesday, then an night shift following (double shift). Then Friday off and a day shift Saturday. Then off to Saturday evening Stake conference. Then daylight savings happened so one less hour of sleep Saturday night. Then an evening shift Sunday after Stake conference in the morning. 

I was so tired yesterday, I was in tears. Caeleb and Elva came to comfort me. They cried with me in selfless empathy. It was a beautiful christlike experience. I want them to know, especially Caeleb, that it is ok to show emotion. It is ok to cry. It seems like men think it is not ok to cry. I think that is part of the reason why suicide rates are higher in men. For some reason, they feel like they can't show emotion. 

It is ok to show emotion when you are sad. It is ok to have empathy for others, to feel what they feel. Yes, it is important to be able to function and reason on top of that, but empathy can lead to love. 

And I felt the empathy of Caeleb and Elva. I am so grateful for them in my life.

love Katherine

Dear Chris part 3

Dear Chris,

I don't think you read this blog often so I am not sure why I keep writing you here but I do. I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders today. I feel like a single parent most of the time. 

You don't really think of us when you are at work Monday to Friday. I did ask you to do come follow me with us in the evening and I am glad you are accommodating that. The kids need that daily interaction with their Dad. And you have many good insights into the scriptures. I have always admired that about you. 

I am happy you can unwind each evening for an hour or two Monday to Thursday in your room in Drumheller. It is important to have you time. You work so hard as a teacher!

I love you and I don't want you to have more than you can handle. I think you probably have a good balance between you time and work time when you are in Drumheller. I love your tidy, cozy, quiet little room at your place there. I am happy for you. 

love Katherine 

Dear Chris part 2

Dear Chris,

More tender mercies happened. I was mandated to work a night shift last night (after my evening shift) as the night nurse called in at 8:00 pm. Like I said in my last little note to you, it was a tender mercy having mom and dad sleep at our place last night as I did not worry about the kids in the night. Also, I was able to handle it well, just like I said in the last note. It is a good place to work. Staffing is ridiculous but the work is good and manageable. 

Dad is up and ready for the day. Now mom will watch Lizzy while I head to bed for a few hours. Then it is parent teacher interviews after school and picking the kids up from mentorship. Then maybe we will watch a movie or I will just head to an early bed if the kids allow it. 

Sometimes life seems hard to manage. But if working a double last night was manageable, and tender mercies can be recognized on top of it, life in general can be manageable too. 

love Katherine

Later on...

It is 8:50 pm and I just got Dad to bed. I am exhausted after working last night, even after sleeping hours this morning. 

I love my parents and am happy to help. I am happy they are here with us as their furnace gets fixed. 

I have been thinking about double standards in life. I don't want to be guilty of them. I am sure I am, especially when I try to cut back my kids  screen time and yet I have unlimited phone time. I need to do better. I have signed out of Facebook and don't know the password to sign back on so that is a start. I look at other people in my life and see double standards and I get confused. I can't really say more about that here or now. But it is confusing to me. 

You know I struggle with the whole work thing. My mom was mostly a stay at home mom and so was yours. But in reality, my kids probably won't be. They will most likely work alot. The baby boomer generation started the ball rolling faster for double incomes and the inflation that followed. When my kids work, they may see the double standard if I didnt /don't work as much. Everyone can handle different amounts of work and stress but I can not expect my kids to handle more than what I have to handle. I can work and do it well and not complain. I see the value in being a stay at home mom, but, I have been blessed with the job I have, even when I am mandated to work double shifts at times. 

Now off to bed

Love Katherine

Dear Chris

 Dear Chris,

I miss you, so I am blogging as though I am writing you. 

Well, I am here at work, a bit early and ready to start my evening shift. Hopefully I can handle whatever comes my way. But the nice thing about working at the Center is that I almost always feel like I can handle it. It is a good job. 

Mom and Dad have been staying at our place the last 2 nights because their furnace quit. It is getting replaced today but they will stay tonight as well. It is a tender mercy to have them over. I don't worry as much about the kids tonight when mom is around. So that is a tender mercy. 

Caeleb and Elva have been reading the binder of emails I wrote to my family when I at BYUI. It is fun to read them and I am glad mom printed and kept them together. 

I have always been a writer since my young adult years. It is therapeutic. I keep saying that. 

Well I have some co-workers here talking to me so I better go. 

Hope you are doing well and that Teaching is fun and exciting and that your work load is not more than you can bear. 

Love Katherine