Health journeys and a quick journey to Victoria

On January 23, our whole family got the stomach flu. I always find it amazing how a stomach bug can go through a house so fast. Lizzy actually got it a couple of days earlier. then Elva had it Sunday morning, then me, then Mary, then Chris, then Selman and Finally Caeleb started throwing up when he woke up Monday morning. Monday was spent staying home from work and school, going from kid to kid, emptying throw up buckets, topping up glasses of gingerale and pedialyte, watching movies and resting. It is kind of nice to be together and doing nothing but resting all day. That same day, we found out that Chris' mom had a bilateral Pulmonary Embolism and they had to do CPR for 10 minutes. We experienced a miracle and she recovered and is doing very well. Even still, it shook up the whole Watters family and we really wanted to go out and visit everyone. A little over 3 weeks later, we were able to drive out there for family day and reading week (which both Chris and the kids got off) . I picked up a last minute night shift the night before and then we left at 9:00 that morning and drove to Salmon Arm where we stayed at a Hotel and met up with my good friend Lindsey. We ordered in Pizza and the kids had fun swimming in the Hotel pool. Elva and Caeleb are at a fun age where they could spend all day in a pool. We all were asleep by 9:30 or so (even Lindsey who ended up staying the night). We got up at 7:30, had a bag breakfast at the hotel and were on our way just after 9:00 am. We got to Tsawwassen ferry terminal a little after 2:00 but did not get on until the 5:00 ferry as it was a long weekend and very busy. We spent the Saturday, Sunday and Monday night at Jared's house - the girls were at Rachel and Eric's and Caeleb stayed at Wendy's house. We were not planning on staying at the parents as we wanted to make sure Lou Ann was recovering well and we were not an extra burden but we did end up staying there Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday evening. We had family Supper together on Sunday, Tuesday (Taco 02022022 Tuesday) and Thursday, we had a volleyball night at the church with most of the family on the Monday and a games night on the Thursday night. It was so good to see everyone! Except we did not see Kurt or Alby as they do not seem to want to interact with the family anymore and it makes everyone so sad. Chris had online teachers conference on Thursday and Friday and he did that at Jared's house while I watched the kids at Gary and Lou Ann's. We went to two beaches while we were on the Island. It was beautiful when we went to Island View beach which is only a few minutes from the parent's house. It can be quite windy there but it was absolutely beautiful the day we went and if it is nice out, we may camp there this summer for a couple of nights. We left on the 4:00 pm ferry on Friday after Chris finished his teachers conference. I picked him up at Jared's at 2:15 and we drove around the Land's End part of the peninsula until it was time to go to the Ferry. We then drove until Kamloops and we arrived at Chris' cousin Athena's place at 9:30 pm. She and her husband and girls are so kind to us. They have a beautiful place and they are a beautiful family. It was so good to see family on this trip! We visited that night and we slept well. We left around 9:15 in the morning and stopped for supper at a sushi/korean place in Golden around 3:30. We made it home by 8:30 pm. I had to work the next day after church which was Sunday Feb 27th. Then I short shifted and worked Monday day shift (thanks Mom and Dad for watching the 3 youngest) and then I worked Tuesday evening, Saturday and Sunday day shift. During these last few weeks, my uncle has been ill and in the hospital for a few weeks, a cousin has needed foot surgery and another close family member has had Gullstone attacks. It has been a crazy last 6 weeks for our immediate and extended family. I am hoping for a happy, healthy spring coming up.

A wonderful Christmas

It is time to get back to writing about our family. I was kind of anxious about Christmas this year, well not about Christmas exactly, but about the fact that I would be starting work 2 days after Christmas. I thought it was going to put a damper on the whole Christmas experience. But on the contrary, it was a simple and yet wonderful Christmas. The kids had the week off before Christmas and we finished up some Christmas shopping on Friday December 17th as Chris had eye surgery that day for a droopy eye. While he was doing that, Caeleb and Elizabeth and I braved Chinook Mall during the Christmas season. It was not too busy at 1000 in the morning. That weekend Christ spent time recuperating. On Sunday December 19th, Champion had an activity planned complete with fires for cooking smores, hot chocolate and a wagon ride. We normally would not do this on a Sunday but I needed to meet up with a fellow kindergarten parent for something school related and I was happy to support our little village. Camellia and Doug and the family came on the Monday for a yummy Ham supper. We had a little program on the Monday night and the kids did the Nativity and the older kids played pieces on the piano and Caeleb on the guitar. On the Tuesday, our ward did a little Nativity and Caeleb played a Shepard and Mary and Elva were Angels. They probably wore the same Angel costumes I did when I was their age doing the Nativity in the Champion ward. It was a cold week that week before Christmas but we did get out sledding and the kids rode the ponies once. Oh, did I tell you we got 2 ponies from a family near Stavely that needed to rehome their ponies. It cost us $500 for the two of them together. We got them for Elva's birthday. One is named Fergie and other is Timbit. I can not ride them as they are too small but I love to lead the kids around on them. Horses are my favorite! 

We had our Turkey dinner on Friday Christmas Eve just like Chris' family does every year. What a great idea. We are never going back. That way Christmas day was/is for opening gifts and just being together. We had our friend Meike Snow over for Christmas Evening dinner. Mom, Dad and Nathan came over and we watched the kids school Christmas concert after supper (it was recorded online). Selman disappeared during this and it took us a while to find him after Miss Snow left. He was fast asleep under Mary's bed. The kids were up at 6:30 on Christmas day and we waited until 7:00 for them to open their stockings. Then we had cracked wheat for breakfast and waited for Mom and Dad and Nathan to come over for opening gifts at 9:00. 

I think we did better this year on getting the right amount of gifts. Two years ago we got way too much, last year was a bit better and this year was pretty good. Each kid got a gift from Santa, one from another kid (they drew names) and one from Mom and Dad.  And then they got one from Nana/Papa and Grandma who always gives the kids a Christmas tree ornament. Uncle Nate and Aunty Suz had our name this year and gave us a game and we had Grandma Watters this year and got her a bunch of things including homemade turtles like usual, shoes, etc. My parents, Camellia and Doug and us did not really give each other gifts but instead we went to a fun Hotel in Lethbridge a few days after Christmas for the night. This Hotel has a little wave pool, hot tube, two slides and Tony Romas restaurant attached to it which was great because it was so cold. It is our new favorite hotel. 

I started work the day after Boxing Day. It is always hard to go back. The second shift was hard because I totally botched an injection but I have been getting my confidence back and it is going well. I did not want to go back to work on New Years day after my first two shifts a few days before and that put a bit of a damper on New Years Eve. We had Chinese food and I ended up going to bed early being discouraged about work but then I experienced a tender mercy from God. I woke up happy at 11:50 pm and was able to help the big kids and Chris bring in the New Year with music and dancing and it was fun! 

Back to work. Work helps with our finances. I was only getting about $1000 a month for EI and now I make more than twice as much and we can pay our mortgage and student loans down faster. It makes life easier with 2 incomes. 

I am working 2 days a week and I pick up here and there. It is manageable. I have decided that I get just as much work done at home when I am a part time working mom as when I am not a working mom. That is hard to accept but it is true. It is just as well that I work a little. It is good for me to be around people at work of all different backgrounds, ideas, beliefs, experiences, and I learn from all of them. It has given me a well rounded perspective on life and a balanced world view and I am grateful for that. I KNOW God loves them all the same just as he does all people. I feel like people who live a sheltered life might be influenced on how they perceive other people. I see so much judgement these days, especially when it comes to religion. I am grateful that the church I go to has taught me to believe that God will do the most that he can for all his Children - which is everyone who has ever existed. God takes everything into account when looking at our lives and he does NOT throw out the people who do not have perfect understanding or have been influenced to think in certain ways! Some people appear to think that he does. I really feel like everything he does is out of love for all people. He wants us to follow him, repent, change for the better and come closer to him so that we do not need to face the consequences of poor choices. That is how I feel. 

One thing that is hard about work is that I want to be at the crossroads at my kids' lives and work makes it so that is not always the case. I also want to be there for Chris who always seems to have a lot of work to do. When I am working, I can't be there to watch the kids so he can get his work done and it always makes home life a little more chaotic. 

Anyways, it was a great Christmas and I choose to believe this will be the best year yet. Bye for now. 

Bullying

Many years ago, I heard of a teenage girl who killed herself in one of the Maritime provinces. I believe she was experiencing cyberbullying. That was the first I have heard of that and I was so confused as why internet bullying would cause a young girl to take her life. Now, I am quite familiar with it. So many youth take their lives or want to every year because of people bullying them on the internet. A few weeks ago, I was looking up the difference between the Plan of Salvation in my religious beliefs and those of Christians. I was disappointed in the negative comments on the youtube channel and the negativity in the video itself. I posted a comment. And I was attacked for it. I fought back. I admit I had a contentious spirit with me too. It was 3 people against me. I was told that I should not be a mom, I was told I belong in Hell, I was told to go to Hell, etc. I apologized for being contentious and no one apologized back. It was clear to the others that I was the stupid one, I was the one at fault, I was the sinner, my sin being so great that I deserved endless punishment in Hell.  I understood a little of what those people feel who have been bullied on the internet, at school, work, anywhere. I wanted to give up. My daughter has been bullied a little at school. We have good snuggles and talks at night before bed when I am not working. I talked to her about my experience in a way that she could understand though I think it may have caused her to have a nightmare because she joined us in bed last night. I talked to her about the importance of being open and honest and to talk about bullying if it happens to her. I hope that my kids will always come to me with their problems. It is important to not keep feelings bottled up inside and to get help when needed. I also hope that we may all respect the beliefs of others. No one has all the answers. No one is perfect. We do not need to judge, we just need to love!

Judgment Day

This is how I think other Christians think of me right now. I know it is dark. But it has been how I am feeling lately. Don't worry about me though. I am happy most of the time. Family life is great. Work is great. Church is great. Life really is wonderful. But when I allow myself to think about how some Christians think about my faith right now, my thoughts lead me here. 

Judgment Day 

It is Judgment day. I have been waiting for this day for what feels like forever. I lived my life full of hope and faith. I felt God's love for me, I felt peace, I tried to follow Jesus in the way I knew how. I was far from perfect, I was a wretched sinner, but I was trying to do the best I could under the circumstances of my life. Then I died and all the love was taken away. For what seems like a thousand years now, all I have known is darkness and confusion. There seems to be nothing out there. I am alone, afraid, in pain.

But today is Judgment Day. I see a light growing in the distance. There is a man walking towards me. It is Jesus! He looks exactly like I always imagined him to be. I feel the love and hope and peace coming back again. It has been so long since I have felt these feelings. 

"Lord," I say. "Are you here to rescue me? Please, I am so alone, I feel so dark." 

Jesus looks at me sadly and shakes his head. "No," he says quietly. "You are not one of mine. I do not love you". 

I weep openly. "Please Lord. I tried in my life. I know I am a sinner. But I had hope, I had faith, even though it was not perfect. That faith was a power in me to do good to others, to love others, and I felt bad and tried to repent when I did wrong. I chose to seek for the spirit, to believe in all truth and this belief led me to trust you. I am so grateful for your Atonement for me. It and you are everything to me. Lord... I love you."

Jesus looks into my soul and it stops me from uttering another word. He says "I know you are sincere in what you believe, I know you love me and that you tried to follow me, I know you had faith in me". He pauses, "but you did not believe the way you needed to in order to be saved. Your faith is not saving faith and you are not good enough for me. I do not know you. " 

I feel my body fall to a heap on a surface as I weep openly. Wait! I have a body again. I look at it. It is new, perfect. I look at the Savior, tears streaming down my face. I have a tiny bit of hope. 

"Go" he says and he points down a path. I get up and move down this path. I will go anywhere he asks me to go. It is a comfort to feel my body again. Oh, how I have missed it! As I venture down this path, I see people off to the side. I recognize them. They are my friends, fellow followers of Christ, even though they never considered me to be a fellow follower. I feel hope again as I look at them and reach out to them. Each one of them looks at me, and then turns away, back to the golden tables behind them, full of food and drink. Some look at me as though they have no emotion at all. Some point and laugh at me. Some of them look at me with a look of recognition, that they may know me, but have forgotten me. They all eventually turn away for good, never to look back. They walk towards Christ and I continue down the path that I was told to go on. As I go, the sliver of love, peace and hope that I had felt when I met the Savior, fades away into nothing. I stop and turn around. There is no more light behind me. There is no light in front of me. The terrifying darkness envelops my body and I sit in the void, once again confused, hopeless, alone and scared. There is nothing but black, not even the smallest sliver of light. No one comes to rescue me. 

Spiritual Journey

I know I have talked a lot about my reflections on Spiritual things in recent months. Before Christmas, Chris and I talked to my friend, her husband and their Pastor and his wife. They are such wonderful  people! The question that we wanted answered was, "how do you know how to find truth." We believe that the Spirit testifies of truth. They believe, or so it seems, that all spiritual truth will be found in the Bible or will be compatible with the teachings of the Bible because the Bible is inerrant. I accepted a challenge to keep reading the Bible and I am doing so trying to be neutral and childlike in my interpretations of Biblical scripture. I am even trying to listen to their side of things and interpret scripture with their views in mind. I am trying to see where these Calvinist evangelical Christians are coming from. I am even trying to believe what they believe. I am open to truth and I have to say, they have taught me to put more emphasis on being saved through Grace and Faith, which is very true. After all, we could never EVER do enough to save ourselves. It is only through faith in Christ that we are saved. However, faith without works is dead. These people appear to choose to be close minded and so I am not sure they have learned anything good from LDS beliefs. That makes me sad, but I will continue to be open minded and search for truth everywhere. I am so far from perfect but I am trying to understand the truth that is out there and I hope that it will make me a better person. I want to be the type of person that loves everyone, sees the good in all people and does not judge. I work with all types of people of different religions, different backgrounds, different ethnic groups, different ideas and beliefs. I am no better than anyone else and I want to see the good in all people and all truth that is out there. Anyways, this is what I have concluded so far. 

There is not a clear and absolute claim in the Bible that says the Bible is the only Scripture out there. "All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness." 2 Timothy 3:16. This does not mean that all scripture is in the 66 books of the Bible. The Bible also is not clear in saying it is inerrant or not. There is no reason to believe that the Bible is absolutely perfect unless you are fearful that God will damn you to hell if you do not believe that it is inerrant or if you do not believe your interpretation is 100% correct. Is that really how God is? If he is the type of being that wants to send the people he created to Hell because they do not understand certain things, (even if they have pure intent in their beliefs and their beliefs cause them to come closer to Christ), then there is nothing we can do about it. That is just the perceived Tyrant that he is. We can just live in fear and be driven by fear. But Chris and I choose to be driven by Faith, not fear. Faith in a God that is perfectly Just and Merciful, that will see into the hearts of all his creations, who will know of their situation in life and their pure intent or lack thereof. I truly believe God loves us all! I have been asking my friend a lot of questions about this wrathful, judgmental God that she sees in the Bible. The wrath and judgement that she sees in the Biblical God appears to outweigh, in her mind, the love and Mercy that I see in the same God. It appears that some people base their closeminded beliefs out of fear while some base their openminded beliefs out of faith. I am very fearful when I try to believe what other Christians believe. How could I get any peace when I know that most of mankind will suffer in hell just because they see things differently. Who cares if I am saved, when others are not saved just because they believe differently, even if they have faith in Christ. There is no peace for me in this and I struggle to understand why my friend tells me I will have peace as long as I accept the Bible in the same way (inerrant way) and interpret it the way she does. Trying to accept the Bible in that way has driven away this peace that I have had so fully in my life! 

Some see a Bible that only has the perfect writings of God while others see a Bible that has the perfect inspired writings of God mixed with the imperfect writings and interpretations of Man. And yet some Christians appear to have already cast those who believe the Bible is not perfect, to Hell. That seems very wrong to me. But what I can conclude with that, is that these closeminded people appear to base belief out of fear and not faith. I can not blame them in this. There are many times that the Bible talks of a harsh God. And I agree that the Bible would be the apparent standard to hold truth up to as our carnal minds can lead us astray. But does that mean it is perfect? I choose to focus on God's love for me and for everyone. I choose to focus on a merciful God that will accept the faith, even a tiny seed of faith, of people who are pure of heart, and are seeking truth with sincere intent through the Holy Spirit, even if they are imperfect vessels and will not always get it right. If a belief in Christ brings you to follow him, is it not a good thing? 

I will continue to read the scriptures and to seek truth through the Holy Spirit. I will try my best to be open to all truth, wherever it is found. I choose to have faith and not fear! Faith in a God that loves everyone, that wants the most for everyone. This Faith causes me to love God and worship him even more. This Faith drives me to want to obey God's commandments, to ask for forgiveness when I do wrong, to follow Christ's example, to go to church, to read the scriptures, to seek for purity and righteousness, to show charity to others, to seek truth through the promptings of the Holy Ghost and to live in such a way that I can receive further light and knowledge. 

I am so very grateful that I know of a Plan of Salvation that is all about learning to walk by faith and offers the most to every person who has ever or will ever exist. I am so very grateful for my belief in a Loving God who receives his glory as all his children, every single person, come closer to him because he knows it is the way to his and their eternal happiness. God loves all of us, Jesus Christ lives and is our Savior. These things I know.  

Fall 2021

 We have had a pretty good Fall. The weather has been beautiful. It only has snowed once and there is not snow on the ground right now. October Thanksgiving was spent at home this year and Camellia, Doug and their crew came for Turkey and all the trimmings. We did our Halloweening on Saturday October 30th this year so that we did not have to be running around on Sunday. I texted our neighbors about a week beforehand and most were agreeing to let us come and visit on the Saturday. Thanks neighbors! It took us about 3 hours to go to 15 houses. The kids dressed up as follows: Caeleb - a big blowup dinosaur, Elva - a unicorn, Mary - a unicorn (they got nice cozy unicorn pjs), Selman - a dinosaur and Lizzy - a strawberry. 

Chris and I celebrated our 12 Anniversary on October 24th. Camellia and Doug watched the kids while Chris and I spent a night away in Waterton at our usual Glacier Suites Hotel. We hiked Bears hump that Friday evening and it was a beautiful hike!! It felt so good to hike and I felt so alive!!! I hope we can do more this summer. We went out for supper at Vimny Lodge. The next day, we slept in, had breakfast and went to the 1:00pm session at the Temple. It has been 2 years since we have gone to the Temple and it was so wonderful to go again. I feel close to my Father in Heaven when I am in the Temple. I am grateful to learn more about God's plan for us as well as feel connected to those who have already died. 

I took the kids to Camellia and Doug's on the weekend of November 5th while Chris stayed home and worked on report cards. Doug was in the play Joseph and the Technicolor dream coat and he did so good! We took all the kids to the play except Selman and Lizzy. 

On November 11, we watched a Remembrance day service from home while Nana took Caeleb to Champion for the little service there. Then we went to the Nanton Air Museum and looked at the war planes and other exciting displays. Nana and Papa came as well as Camellia and her kids. We had a great time looking at the planes and playing in the park outside. 

Pretty much our whole family got sick during the week of the 15-21 of November with certain kids staying home throughout the week. I even had a fever Tuesday and Wednesday which never happens and I felt really rotten. Caeleb and I got tested for Covid on the Thursday but we were negative. We all feel better now, just a continuing cough for some of us. 

Today, November 27, we went to get our tree up in the mountains. It is the first time we have done that with the kids. We left at 1000 in the morning and were back by 3:00pm. We did not find the greatest tree for us or Mom and Dad but we tried and we had fun. There was a little snow up there so the kids had some fun sledding. We got slurpies as per a tradition we did when I was growing up when going tree hunting. I hope that we can continue to do this every 2-3 years. Chris is not really an outside person so I kind of felt alone in planning this but I hope that we can continue to do things like this in our family. Traditions are important. And being outside is important too. We decorated the little tree tonight and had appetizers and hot chocolate while watching The Polar Express after. That is becoming a tradition too. I love our little Charlie Brown tree. It lights up our dining room and living room with the spirit of Christmas. 

Well, I best put the Liz to bed. Until later. 

Songs

 I am listening to a lot of uplifting music these days on Youtube. These are a few of my favorites. 

https://youtu.be/EUMtAaJX2RE - I'm trying to be like Jesus 

https://youtu.be/xrlvD323ciw - love one another 

https://youtu.be/3PlyzaKkzTQ - I will be What I Believe 

https://youtu.be/AGhxlPAHOg4 - Savior, Redeemer of my Soul 

https://youtu.be/nomxXk6Q1rk - Glorious - One Voice Children's Choir 

https://youtu.be/GbPOTWO2ynU - Like Him - Aaliyah Rose 

Catching up on Summer

You know something, I have not caught up on my blog about our Summer. Let's see if I can remember enough to quickly summarize the Summer. 

It was a hot, dry Summer. We did not receive much rain in the Spring and the crops did not grow well. I think all farmers struggled, including the Durum crop that was grown on my parents land. Last year the mustard crop was great so you win some and loose some right? sidenote - I really admire Farmers. It is an unpredictable job and a great way to rely on faith. I kind of wish I was a Farmer but I am glad I was raised as a Farmer's daughter. 

We travelled out to Victoria from July 14 to the 28th. We like traveling in the middle of the week because there is less traffic. As usual, the kids did very well on the way out. We put Elizabeth between Elva and Caeleb in the back so they can feed her things and entertain her. The highlight of the road trip is the Ferry - exploring, playing in the little play areas and eating on the Ferry. 

We had a great time visiting family in Victoria. Kurt and Alby did not want to see us or the rest of the family, but we visited with everyone else. We stayed at the parents house. Chris had a Guys day where his brothers and Dad and him went out to eat, painted mugs and went to a race track. Us girls had a Girls day where we went up to the New Malahat Skywalk and then slid down a 7 story slide, then went tubing 3 hours down a river (absolutely loved it!) and then out for supper at Milestones at the Inner Harbor. I love to visit with my mother in law and 3 sisters in law (my 4th sister in law does not want anything to do with us). Even though 3 of us have some different beliefs then the other two, we love each other and I know that our family relationships can be forever. I love my Watters family very much. Chris and I went on a date night to Sidney where we went out for Thai food and walked around the harbor there and then drove around the waterfront by the Ferry and Airport. Some very huge and expensive houses there! The kids had fun playing with their cousins. They are developing a special bond with them even though they only see them once a year or so. When Caeleb and Elva are a bit older, I want to fly them out to see their cousins (and the others too when they get older). We went mini golfing a couple of times with the kids, we went to the Breakwater and to Beacon Hill park, we went to the beach several times and we played in Aunt Wendy's blow up water park. We had a games night and early one morning, Chris and I hiked bear hill with Uncle Jared and his friend to watch the sunrise. It is only 5 minutes from Chris' parents house and the sunrise on the ocean was so beautiful!

Swimming lessons this year were August 2-6 for our kids and Camellia's kids (except Lizzy and Russell). We ended up camping in Champion Wednesday, Thursday and Friday evening. Doug joined us Thursday, and we had 14 people sleeping in our tent that night. A small independent film company was filming a movie in Champion on Saturday and Caeleb and Elva and I decided to be extras for that film. It was actually lots of fun walking across Main street in Champion over and over and over again with each take. And we met some fun people while doing it! I would totally do that again. The kids would too. 

Chris spent most of the summer in his office, working on his parent's company computers,  programming some sort of App to help with their business. He never got it done so I suppose he will continue to work on it next summer. I am not sure what to think about that but I will leave it there. 😕 He was able to make a covering for our septic tank, so that was very nice of him. He is very creative that way and did a very good job!

I went to Calgary with the kids a couple of times in August to help a friend in the ward find a new vehicle after she had car accident. We ate at Wendys drive through many times this summer and enjoyed the $1 frostys. We also went to Camellia and Doug's for a weekend and went to Waterton to skip rocks in the lake with the kids (Chris stayed home to work as per usual). 

We went to my Cousins, the Gainor's, beautiful lake house on Gull lake for a night in August. We had to delay a day because I had taken Selman to Vulcan Emergency Room at 4:00 in the morning the day before. He had been sick for a couple of days and then woke up in the middle on the night with  wheezing and fast breathing. X-rays were normal (he was such a tough little guy and did so well standing still for x-rays), covid test was negative, and a few doses of ventolin and atrovent helped him greatly. Hopefully it was just a one time RSV event and will not lead into an Asthma. He has been fine since. Anyways, we had fun at the Gainor's. Chris and I played a bird game with Kamille. Elva got along really well with Elliette and Dawsyn. They went exploring. Caeleb and Marshall played together as well. We went tubing on their beautiful new boat twice. The weather was a bit dodgy and the first time out on the boat, the waves were really choppy. The second time out, a rain storm hit us suddenly and Kamille did some quick thinking to bring us home safely. It is a big lake and you can get lost on it! The kids, especially Elva and Mary, had a blast tubing! I don't think we will ever have a boat (though I would like a canoe someday to take out on the reservoir 5 minutes from our house) but I am so grateful that the Gainors are willing to let us come and visit! We will have to do it again in future years. 

Other little highlights of the Summer were going to Bar U ranch and Head Smashed in Buffalo Jump early in July. I love going to historical sights! Definitely a passion of mine. I don't think the kids have that passion yet and Chris does not either, but hopefully some day. I love that my Dad loves historical sights. I remember him always reading every historical sign when we went places as a kid. I am like him in that way. 

It was a good summer. It went by way too fast but I think by the end of it, we were all ready to go back to school. I love Spring and July, I don't care for August, but Fall really is my favorite season of the year (just like it was for my old Calgary friend Grandma Nancy who lived at the Colonel Belcher with my Grandma Selman - I miss them both, my Rummicube buddies, and have been thinking of them). 

We are still having a good Fall. The weather has been very nice. It snowed a little last week, a little winter squall, but besides that we have hardly got any snow yet and the temperature has stayed pretty warm. My days are spent playing with the kids, procrastinating doing laundry, painting the inside porch and mudding the attic (I am very slow at getting projects done) and thinking about religion. I need to get over that last one. Talking about religion has strengthened my faith in the gospel of Jesus Christ and simultaneously weakened my faith in humanity and has left me confused and depressed (I need to get back on my antidepressant I think). I have taken a step with faith out into the dark by learning about other people's beliefs, and guess what. It has brought nothing but darkness. So how could it be true. Why do people interpret the Bible the way THEY do?! It does not lead to happiness. It leads to darkness, feelings opposite of light, love and truth. I feel empty inside. 

Well, it is almost 6:00 am. I have been up since 4:00 am coughing. I have had a bad cold/flu this week and even had a fever on Tuesday and Wednesday. Caeleb and I got covid tested on Thursday and we are negative. We have all been a bit sick and I have got nothing productive done this week except for hanging out with the kids at home - which is good enough! We watched a lot of movies including having a family movie night last night while eating nachos. We watched Jungle Cruise and it was really good. Chris was working in his office and did not join us. Caeleb and Elva have guitar/piano lessons today (Saturday) as they had school yesterday and then I think we will go for a bit of a drive after. Chris, will be working in his office. Until later then. 

Logic

Chris gave me a blessing yesterday. It was beautiful and I felt the spirit. It was not fortune telling or witchcraft (a friend was asking me what blessings were all about). Chris simply placed his hands on my head and said a prayer through the power of the priesthood. He blessed me to have peace and comfort, to look for truth and to look to Church History and the examples of those of old. He blessed me to focus on what I have learned through the spirit. I know this blessing came from God. After the blessing, I started thinking about those who joined the LDS Church many years ago. I started thinking about why they did it and their testimony of truth. I also read John 1 to look for truth. I read it as a child would. I felt my Savior's love. I had this thought come to mind. Use Logic Katherine. For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

People all over the world are trying to believe in him, whether they know it or not. They are trying to make sense of how we are, who we are and why we are. No matter what you believe in, you have Faith, or at least a sliver of hope, to believe it, to believe in a higher power and purpose of some sort. We know who that power comes from, but most everyone believes in a higher power of some sort. God is not looking for excuses to throw people into Hell. God is Love! He will accept belief and Faith in whatever form you have to offer it, as long as it takes you a step closer to him and to Christ and Christ's characteristics and to truth. Faith is not a one time event. Faith is a process, a journey. This I know is true.  

I have been wrestling with myself the last several months. Satan puts dark contentious thoughts in my mind. God puts thoughts of peace, clarity, truth, common sense/logic in my mind. God loves his children. All of us. He loves you, he loves me. Love is my foundation of Truth and Logic. Everything else that I believe in and know is built on that foundation.

I Believe

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I strongly believe that the Church has been a blessing in my life as I come to know Christ. For the past several months, I have been on a Faith journey of sorts. You see, like I have said in several of my latest blog posts, I have been studying the Bible with a friend and it has opened my eyes to what Christians believe about my faith. I am a fairly simple minded, empathetic being and have gone from innocently believing I am a Christian to being told that I am not a Christian.  From what I gather, unless I have been told or have interpreted wrong, Christians believe that my Faith in Christ is not true saving faith because I do not believe in the Bible alone, I believe in the Godhead instead of the Trinity, I do works such as baptism and temple ordinances (and so I can not abide by their faith alone criteria of salvation), I believe in modern day prophets and I am open to learning more truth.  I am trying to think of a way to describe how I feel when people say I do not have true saving faith. It is like someone saying "Katherine, you are blind." And I say, "No, actually I see quite well thank you. 20/20 vision in fact. I just had my vision checked." And then that person over and over and over again says, "No Katherine, you are blind." And I say, "I see what I see, I see everything in the room in front of me and all around me, I can see very clearly Thank you. I see what I see. I know what I know. You can not tell me what I see and know." Yet that person thinks he or she knows me better than I know myself even though I am me. It is more than frustrating. 

One thing is for certain. I believe in Christ, who is the  Son of God and I believe that he has the power to perform the Atonement and that he died for my sins. I have faith in him and have accepted his Atonement. Christ is my Savior and I am forever indebted to him There is no doubt in my mind on this. So naturally I think it is incredibly confusing when people tell me, more or less, that my faith is not good enough because I am a member of the LDS church. I have talked to my dear Christian friends about this. I love my friends. I have talked to a very nice and knowledgeable Pastor from a local Christian church about this. I have listened to many youtube videos. These are good men who want the best for people, however, they appear to believe that my faith is not good enough for me to be saved. I can not understand this at all. I truly believe that I have been saved!!! And with all the questions I have asked people, I have NEVER EVER got a clear answer on why believing what I believe prevents me from being saved! Do these people even know what kind of God they believe in? If God is as cruel as these people describe, a God who picks and chooses who he saves and who will not save me or the countless people who are pure in heart, who are not perfect but have pure desires and motives and truly believe what they believe (but whose beliefs are different then these Christians), or the people who struggle with faith (Atheists included) but are trying to just get through this hard life the best way the know how, then I will be cast into that awful Hell and will suffer for eternity with those who GOD hated (not those who hated God but those who God hated). That is not the God I know and I can not even begin to describe how horrible this makes me feel. Not alone for myself, but for the billions of others who have tried or are trying to hold on and just get through life regardless of if the believe or what they believe about God. 

In my heart, I want to feel united with other believers. But further than that, I desire to feel united with everyone on this earth! I want to feel like we are all on our Journey to Christ even if our Journeys differ a little or even alot! 

Now, I need to let this go as I feel like these thoughts are consuming my life and are taking me away from the focus on my husband and children. I need to be a good wife and mother and I will continue to study the Bible and Book of Mormon, go to church, pray, ponder, have family scripture study, etc. But I will focus on doing these things with my family. I will not focus on how others do not think I will be saved. That makes me feel sad and is getting me no where in life! I am going to write my beliefs down now. These beliefs are mostly for my children to read. I want them to know what I believe and that I will love them no matter what they believe. Of course I would want them to stay active members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints because I know how being an active member has blessed my life in countless ways. The biggest blessing is that it has helped me come to Christ and develop a personal relationship with him. I know that God will love my children no matter what they believe. He just wants us all to be happy and he knows what we need to do to gain the fullness of peace and Joy! These are my beliefs:

1). I believe in God. Not just believe. I know God! I love him! He is my Heavenly Father. He is the Father of my Spirit. He loves me more than I can comprehend. He loves everyone who has ever lived or will ever live no matter who they were/are, with that same perfect, everlasting love. 1 John 4:8. God is Almighty. His power is everlasting. Without him, I am nothing. He deserves all the Glory and all my praise. 

2) I know that Jesus died for my sins. God loved the world so he sent his son to die for us (John 3:16). It is through his grace that I am saved. It is through my faith in His Atonement that I am saved. I am sinful. I could never ever save myself. I have faith in Christs Atonement. Ephesians 2:8. 

3) I believe in the Godhead. I believe in God the Father, his son Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost. I only worship one God as the scriptures tell me to do so. I believe that Jesus is called the Father at times. He is the Father of creation, he is the Father of our Salvation, etc. He is God's son and has his divine nature. He has the power to perform the atonement. I only have one Everlasting God. 

4) I believe in the Plan of Salvation as laid out in the Scriptures as well as in modern revelation. We have to come this earth to use our free agency and walk by faith. We ALL walk by faith no matter what or who you believe in. That is simply a fact. Whether you believe in science or God, none of us have all the answers and we all walk by faith in what we believe in.  I believe need to walk by faith in order to return to live in God's presence. That is part of the plan. If we did not need to walk by faith, then I would assume God would let himself be known in such a way that there would be no need to interpret the Bible and there would be no unclarity when it came to who God is, what he wants and other teachings of the Bible. Everything would be clear and there would be no confusion. We NEED to learn to walk by Faith. 

5) I believe part of the Plan of Salvation is Exaltation. I do believe that everyone who has faith will be saved to Heaven but I don't limit my mind on what Heaven can actually be. That being said, I actually do allow myself to think through things and I do believe in 3 kingdoms of Glory. This is where modern day revelation comes in. I truly believe that God's work and Glory is to bring to pass the Immortality and Eternal life of Man. Moses 1:39. Everyone will be resurrected but our resurrected bodies will be different as stated in 1 Corinthians 15:40 according to where we want to go and where we will feel most comfortable. My aim is to become like God and to live in his presence because I know I need to be like him to live there. I do not know the specifics of how things will work out but that is simply my aim. I also believe that I can live with and be married too my husband in the Celestial Kingdom. I do not understand why God would want to dissolve my marriage to Chris after this life. He intended Adam and Eve's marriage to last forever, so why not mine. Could that not be a way that he blesses those who desire that in Heaven?

6) That being said, I believe in Temples. I feel the Spirit strongly when I go to a temple. I love to go. I believe in making covenants with the Lord. These covenants help me to do God's will as outlined in the Bible. They also help me come closer to Christ and learn more of God's ways. I believe in the covenant of Eternal Marriage and I believe that marriages can indeed be forever if we make that covenant with our spouse and the Lord in the Temple. 

7) I believe in Family History. I believe in Baptisms for the dead for several reasons. One reason is that it connects us to our families and those who have died before us as we learn who they are through family history work and then do work for them in the Temple. Another reason is because people must have been doing at least Baptisms for the dead in Biblical times. 1 Corinthians 15:39 states this. It is not clear on why people were doing it but it was not presented as a bad thing. I truly believe acting on Family History and doing work for the dead in Temples helps us connect all of God's children throughout the ages. We do not forgot those of past generations. We do not want to forgot anyone who has ever lived! And we offer hope to all people alive or dead that they may accept the Gospel someday. That is a beautiful thing.

8). That being said, I believe we are all literal spiritual Sons and Daughters of God. Genesis 1:27 states God created us in his Image. We are like him As simple as that. That is how I interpret that verse to mean. 

9). I believe that Faith without works is dead as stated in James 2:14-26. If I have faith it is shown in my works. My works are the following: trying to follow Christ's example, following God's commandments in the Bible as well as in modern revelation (word of wisdom, the law of Chasity, temple worship, etc). By following these commandments, I will feel the Holy Ghost (aka the spirit) more readily in my life. Following these commandments protect me and sanctify me. I believe that! 

10). I believe in the need to have Faith! I walk by Faith every day. I love the Scripture in the Book of Mormon in Alma 32:21. I believe this with all my heart. I love all of chapter 32 but especially that verse. I know that as we walk by Faith, the Spirit will testify of truth. We can each have personal revelation. I believe in the fruits of the Spirit. If a belief has good fruit and causes one to do good, then it grows to become knowledge. If a belief is not true or is from Satan, the fruit of it cause bad works and/or will not grow but will wither away and die. I believe that we learn line upon line, precept upon precept. It is so exciting to continue to learn and grown in the gospel!

11). I believe in the Articles of Faith written by Joseph Smith. (Now I have to clarify, when it says in the Article of Faith 3, "We believe that through the Atonement of Christ, all mankind may be saved, by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel",  I believe that being saved means exhalation in this passage but that everyone who has faith in Christ will be saved to some degree of Glory). 

12). I believe in Modern Day prophets just like I believe in the prophets in the Bible. I am grateful for the Restoration of the Gospel. I am grateful for a living Prophet (President Nelson) to guide us in this  confusing modern day world. What I learn from him helps me desire God and come unto Christ. Now I have to say this. These Men are not perfect by any means and I know of the history of the church. There is a lot of controversy about Church History. I am not ignorant about it. I know a lot about it. But, the Prophets in the Bible were not perfect either. God works through very imperfect people! Including myself.

13). I believe the Bible is the word of God. I feel the spirit testify of truth when I read it.

14). I believe in the Book of Mormon. I believe it is simply, like it says, Another Testament of Jesus Christ. I know it is true. I have read it with pure intent, with a desire to know if it is true, and I got an answer in my heart from the Spirit. Reading the Book of Mormon produces Faith and good fruit in my life. 

15). I believe James 1:5 of the Bible. I also believe what it says in Moroni10:3-5 in the Book of Mormon.  If you want to know answers, ask God with pure intent. He will answer you whether it be through Scripture, the Spirit, or Both. 

16). Going back to my first belief, it all boils down to my knowledge of a loving God. He is not an egotistical, self centered God who just wants us to sing him praises for eternity. That sounds like what Satan would want. He wants to give all of his children all that he can, all that they will accept and become. That is how he gets his glory. His love is perfect! This I know.  I know that I am far from perfect. I know that my beliefs are not perfect. I like to ponder on the Bible verse Mark 9:24. "I believe, help thou my belief". God loves us all and wants us to be truly and eternally happy. I think we will all be surprised when we get to the other side and see just how much he loves us all!

There is a fire lit in me tonight. I feel the Spirit strongly as I ponder on my Beliefs. 

Now, I need to get to bed. It is 11:46 pm. I will try to get on with life. My family needs me. I will respect other people's beliefs and I hope they will respect my beliefs. I would hope that anyone who reads this will not criticize or find fault with what I say. Please just simply read it to understand what I know to be true. Perhaps one day people may come to understand that I am indeed a Christian even if they do not understand everything I believe. I know that everyone is on their own Faith Journey and that we will all be judged by a perfect, just and merciful God who will take everything, even the desires of our heart, into consideration in the process. He truly wants to give everyone the most that they are willing to accept by faith.  I feel like we are all more alike than different. I will strive to live a Christ-centered life. I will continue to learn and grow and walk by Faith. And I will continue to desire and feel God's love for me everyday of my life.  I see him working through me to accomplish his purposes just as he worked though Esther of old. I truly see his hand in every moment and aspect of my life! I feel peace and Joy which come from God.

I kind of know how you feel

I have often wondered how it feels to be an outcast, like you don't belong. Those who are LGTBQ, those who are of indigenous backgrounds or other races that feel like outcasts. I am not part of the Charismatic movement as I do feel like things can get carried too far in the other direction, but lately perhaps I have felt a little bit of how these minority groups feel. I don't agree with everything that these minority groups say or believe in but I never want anyone to feel discriminated against and I should speak out more in order to help them! I love them. 

I have been feeling judged and belittled because I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I never felt this way when I lived in Calgary but for some reason I feel it now. Champion seems to be a very Christian town. I have been introduced to Christian literature and have been self led further to youtube videos and websites. It is fascinating how people like to dedicate so much of their time to proving us wrong (I see that on youtube)! I am told one must believe in certain beliefs to be a true Christian. One being sola scripture and another being grace alone. Christians will not call LDS people Christians. We do not fit their definition of what a Christian is. I always thought I was Christian. After all, I believe in Christ, I have accepted his atonement and I try to follow him. I totally understand it if people are confused about the LDS religion. It is different. It is a lot to take in. But we believe in a God who loves everyone and a Savior who has atoned for the sins of everyone. We are not perfect but we have accepted the atonement of Christ. We see the Bible differently than others but we believe it is the word of God. We believe in further revelation. We believe in Temple worship. We believe in Eternal Families. Etc. 

But it appears that according to some Christians, we are not good enough to be saved because we have not accepted Christ in the way they think we should. That being said, the only other option for us is to be cast into Hell where we can not feel any of the love of God for all eternity. We may feel his love everyday on this earth, but we will not feel his love when we are cast down to hell. We may feel the Spirit testify of truth every day in our life, but that will be taken away from us when we are cast down to eternal torment and suffering. That is super confusing to me.

From what I have been told, some Christians believe that our sole purpose is to worship God. All God wants from us is to sing praises to him and make his name known all day and everyday for eternity? And he even gets glory by casting his creations to hell where they will never again feel of his love just because he did not choose them to be saved, just because they did not understand exactly who God is or what the Savior has done for them while they were alive. I really don't know what that means or what kind of God that is who's sole desire is to create people to feed his ego for eternity. That doesn't make sense to me. It sounds more like Satan than God. 

As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, We believe that God's work and Glory is to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of Man. We believe that in bringing to pass the eternal life of man, God wants everyone to return to live with him again and to give all that he can to them. That is how he gets his Glory. Some people will be sinful and stubborn and will not accept all he has to offer and it is true that we have to be like God in order to live with him, but he still loves them and will give to them all that he can under the circumstances even if it is not all that he has to offer. He wants his children to grow up and become like him just like we want that of our children. We would not have our children stay little forever.  That is how we glorify him and make his name known, by becoming like him. We are literally his spirit children. We have divine nature. We are all sons and daughters of a King!

I feel the Spirit testify of truth as I ponder these things and the Spirit draws me closer to the Savior. But I feel Satan put contentious thoughts into my mind when I feel segregated from Christians. I feel like I am not good enough for them because I am who I am and I believe what I believe. I do not feel like my beliefs are a sin. On the contrary, they help me draw closer to Christ. I suppose other minority groups feel the same way when they are told they can not be like others or have what others have. They probably feel like they are not good enough. I don't want them to feel that way. I feel for them. Jesus was loving of everyone, I can be too. I do not know exactly how things will work out in the eternities. I do know that our sin leads us away from the Spirit and away from Christ. I do know that following the Savior's example leads us closer to the Spirit and as we have the Spirit, we feel of God's love and we come closer to Christ. And I do know that in the world to come, we will ALL feel of God's fairness, his judgement, his grace, his mercy and most of all, his love!

Elva's testimony

I just want to share a sweet experience that happened last Sunday. It was fast and testimony meeting. I got up like I usually do because there are not a lot of people in our ward to get up and speak. And I felt the spirit prompt me - that too. After, I sat down, my 8 year old Elva comes to me and innocently asks "mom, how old do you have to be to get up there." I said that anyone can. I could see that she wanted to get up and she was up and down in her seat a little. Then she bravely walked up to the front and bore a sweet little testimony that she knew "this is true". She was beaming when she sat down. Now, I did not encourage her to do this and I do not know if we have ever talked to the kids about getting up to bare their testimony. But I testify to everyone reading this blog post that the Holy Ghost is real, that he testifies of the truth and that on Sunday, he testified of truth to Elva who is but a child - a pure innocent vessel. And through her simple testimony, others felt the Spirit as well. 

To my children, always seek the Spirit in your life. The Holy Ghost will guide and direct you to know truth and to know all things that you should do to come closer to your Savior. I have a very strong testimony of this. I know that our Heavenly Father loves all his children and that the Savior died for everyone. It is God's plan that we return home to him. He wants to give all of us, all that he can. That is His work and His glory. 

Anxiety

It is 3:15 in the morning and it is the second night in a row where I have been awake at this time due to anxiety. I always seem to write in my blog in the middle of the night. Well, not always, but a lot. I go back to work in 3 months (December 27th) and I keep thinking about it. Will I be good enough when I go back? Will I be able to juggle work life and home life? I feel like my hair is falling out due to stress. Or maybe my iron is low. Who knows.  I just started back on my anti-anxiety-depression medication and hopefully that will work. Last time I went back to work, I started on that medication and it worked wonders. I hope that is the case this time. I am also starting an emotional self reliance course today via zoom. It is offered by the church and is more or less structured like the financial self reliant class that Chris and I took a few years ago with the ward. I am excited to take this class! I know that I need to be optimistic and go into any challenge in life with self confidence and a positive attitude. I can do this! 

It has been such a beautiful Fall! Similar to last year, the weather has been so warm. It was around 25 degrees yesterday! The leaves are taking their time to change colors and it looks beautiful outside. But it has also brought the flies. I thought we had dodged that bullet as there were only a few flies come mid August. But September brought many more and one is bugging me at the moment. Not quite as bad as last year though and we have had no mice! Last year we caught around 30 in the basement. We have some cats that hang around the house and the crops were horrible this year so I am thinking that those two things are factors in having less mice and I am not complaining (although nicer crops would have been nice for mom and dad and all our neighbors). 

We have seen such blessings with Chris' job! He got a two month 0.4 temporary job in Nobleford beginning in September. We entered the summer without him having a job but he secured one the beginning of July. After two weeks at work, his job turned into a fulltime contract that goes until December. The guy he is filling in for is on disability leave and, who knows, maybe this will turn into something permanent. Not that we want to take the job away from that nice guy, but it would make life easier if Chris had a permanent job. I guess we will wait and see but we feel so blessed that he has a good job. Last year was tough teaching in Claresholm and Chris enjoys Nobleford much better. He is teaching programming, study block and math and he is enjoying it. I admire him so much as he goes to work each day with a smile on his face and a positive attitude. He is amazing!

The kids are back in school and are enjoying it. Mary is back for a second year of kindergarten. Last year was pre-kindergarten. There are 7 kids in her class and she seems to be enjoying it. She is more confident and enthusiastic about heading off on the bus Tuesdays and Thursdays. She did not really want to go to pre-kindergarten last year but this year is a lot better.  Caeleb and Elva are enjoying being back with their friends. Champion school is so small - probably less than 60 kids at the moment - but it is like a family environment. These kids get to know each other so well over the years. This year we are going to work on study techniques with Caeleb and reading with Elva. It is coming, slowly but surely and she is doing so much better and will continue to do better. You got this Elva! I know my kids will be able to use their struggles, and experiences in life to sympathize with and help others. Elva is taking Piano this year and Caeleb is taking Guitar. I hope I can help them with their studies and their instrument practicing. I don't think Mary cares to do any extra activities this year. Last year her and Elva did Highland dancing but they are not too keen to go back this year. I would like to do an online Highland dance class like I did last year and maybe Selman could do a class. He is so cute with a kilt on and he seems to enjoy it. We will see. 

I spend my days at home with the littles. Selman is potty training, slowly but surely. Nintendo switch time has been the incentive and has backfired greatly. Now it is this constant battle because he wants to play it so much and gets upset when he can't. Grrrr. I am lucky I have the 5 kids who have to learn how to share it! I need to be a better Mom and turn the electronics off more and I will continue to fight the screen time battle. It can be emotionally exhausting!

Lizzy is busy. She loves to cuddle with anyone. She burrows her little head to the shoulder of anyone who picks her up. But she is also very busy. She toddles all around the house, creating chaos wherever she goes. She pulls books off of shelves, dishes out of cupboards, toys out of bins, clothes out of drawers. The mess is never-ending. But she is so cute and I never mind a mess from our little Lizzy biz. 

 I have been into learning about Christian beliefs these days and I ask my friend a lot of questions. I do consider myself a Christian but I suppose a lot of Christians do not. I listen to a lot of Christian talks as well as General Conference talks while I am working around the house. I am in a Bible study group with my friend and some others from her church this Fall and we are studying Esther. It has been a great experience thus far! I am learning a lot about the Bible. But I also have a testimony of the Book of Mormon and I believe that we have a living Prophet on earth today. It is pretty cool though. I am finding answers to my questions in the Bible and these answers are not taking away from my previous beliefs. It is interesting how people can interpret the Bible differently and I am trying to look at the Bible from a whole perspective and piece it together like a puzzle. Chris and I have had some great gospel conversations of late and they always draw me closer to him and closer to God. I am grateful for my Heavenly Father and my Savior Jesus Christ. It always goes back to the atonement of Christ. Without him, I am nothing!

COVID keeps on chugging along. We are in the fourth wave and a lot of Albertans over 12 are vaccinated (including Chris and I) but the hospitals are being overwhelmed still and a lot of the unvaccinated are getting really sick and are in the ICU. Champion school has had a few cases but we have dodged it so far. I imagine we might eventually get it, who knows, but hopefully it does not affect us that much. It is hard to see people get divided due to their views. People who don't want to get vaccinated and people who do. I understand both sides. We have had some students drop out of Champion school to home school because of COVID and that makes me kind of sad. I want Champion school to do well. Sometimes I feel like I need to try for another child to keep Champion school going. But that is a ridiculous reason to have another child. One child will not make the difference. Still, my thoughts go there though I really don't think that will happen.

Well, I best be getting back to bed. Today is Sunday, my favorite day of the week. Chris has to go in to church early as he is now second counselor in the Bishopric but I will stay home with the kids and watch church from home as I also want to see my cousin Heather's son Logan talk in church (I love zoom technology). He is going on a mission soon, I believe to Missouri. I am excited for them and I am excited for my children to serve missions. What a hard but amazing experience it was in my life! Anyways, the zoom meeting for his talk starts at 9:00 and then the kids and I will watch church from home at 1000. It appears a lot of people are enjoying Zoom meetings from the comfort of home these days and I don't blame them. I really do prefer to go to the church for meetings but it is amazing to have the technology to be able to watch from home. And I am super excited for General Conference next weekend!

I will try to catch up on Summer events a little later. Until then, goodnight...or good morning (it is 4:18 AM now and Lizzy just found me for some snuggles). 

Progression

Just some thoughts of the day. Lately, I have been thinking greatly on the topic of progression and other gospel topics.

I have been reading and pondering more on the Bible. In doing so, I think of God. I think about what God was before the World was formed. What was he doing at that time? Did he create more worlds, with other animals and humans? 

And then I think about what we will do with God in Heaven. We will Glorify him but how do we do that? Does God want us to sing praises to him for all eternity? Will we eat all the time? Will we play sports or read books or visit with everyone forever? We will be perfect! There will be no pain or suffering or sin! It will be a beautiful, glorious place! But what will we do forever?

Will God want to teach us? 

If God teaches us, we will learn. And is learning not a form of progression? 

As we learn, we become more like God. For God knows all things. Will we sit around all day with all this knowledge in our souls without being able to do anything about it? Or will be able to use this knowledge for good and to glorify God even further?

With eternal learning and acting on what we learn, is there not that reality that we can indeed become like God? In Genesis, it says that we are made in the image of God. Not that we will become equals to God as he will always be ahead of us and therefore better than us on this infinite journey. He will always be greater than us and therefore we must always ALWAYS! give the Glory to him! 

I do not think of these things because I want any Glory for myself. I think of these things because God allows me to do so. These thoughts do not take away from my love for my God and my Savior. On the contrary! I feel more love and gratitude. 

When I think of these things, I feel of my Savior's love. I think of his Atonement and how he has made everything possible. Without him, we are nothing! I feel the spirit strongly in my life as I ponder on these things. I feel truth as I let the Holy Ghost guide and progress my thoughts and feelings line upon line, precept upon precept. 

A child's view on The Plan of Salvation

Lately I have been pondering a lot on the Plan of Salvation and the hope and peace that it gives me. Now let me start by being clear that everything I say is because I have accepted God's great plan of Salvation and the Savior's atonement but I am not perfect, I still am learning and I do not feel like I am or my thoughts are better than anyone else/s. I know that Heavenly Father loves each of his children and desires that they become all that they can become. I have been struggling in thinking about what other people think of our beliefs. Some people believe that members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints have not truly accepted the Lord's atonement which is needed alone for salvation. Continuing with logical reasoning, they then do not believe that we will be saved. They believe in a Heaven and a Hell. Heaven will be a wonderful place for those who are saved to live with God forever. Hell will be a place of fire and brimstone and wailing and gnashing of teeth void of any love of God or light of Christ. Does this then mean that I will go to a place of fire and brimstone and will be without any portion of the love of God or the light of Christ for eternity, even though I feel it strongly in my life right now? I believe that all people feel God's love in their life at some point, even if they do not fully understand it. And they desire it, even if they struggle to feel it or know who it comes from. Will some of my dear friends then be in Heaven basking in the Love and Glory of God, not thinking twice of me as I burn in pain and anguish for all eternity, just because I believe a little bit differently. This makes absolutely no sense to me.

Now I have read what the bible says on Heaven and Hell and I know of the vivid descriptions given. But my son Caeleb has been developing his own feelings on God, Heaven and Hell, and the plan of salvation and as I was tucking him into bed tonight, he mentioned something to me that really hit me in a positive way. He simply stated "what kind of Father (referring to Heavenly Father) would put his child into infinity time out!" What great wisdom coming from a small child. I agree full heartedly Caeleb! It makes no sense that a loving God would send his children to a place where none of his love is felt for eternity. I know what the bible says and I understand that the Plan of Salvation, as I know it, is not laid out word for word in the Bible. That is why God has provided us with living Prophets in our day to clarify scripture and receive more revelation for our sensitive modern day world. People may struggle to believe in Modern day prophets and revelation but are these concepts not just as believable if not more so than believing in a God that sends people to a place of eternal misery even if they are trying to do what is right? 

I believe that the Savior has saved us from physical and spiritual death. We just need to accept his gift of the atonement and we do this by following his example. After all, faith without works is dead (James 2:17). One of those works is baptism and receiving the Holy Ghost (John 3:5 and Acts 2:38).  There are other things that God would have us do, such as following other commandments (for example, there are the 10 commandments and others in the Bible), that draw us nearer unto him so that we may feel even more of his love and receive more understanding of his way of providing us with salvation. That being said, what does it mean to be saved? To go to Heaven? Am I going to Heaven? After all, I have accepted Christ's atonement. But people would still argue that I am not going to Heaven and that even though I am trying to follow Christ and build a relationship with him, I will be cast into Hell because I believe in MORE? Wait, What! It makes no sense to me. And are those who go to Heaven, are they ever going to be perfectly happy knowing that they have friends and family burning in eternal anguish and pain and suffering. I think that if I was in THAT Heaven, I would be eternally begging Heavenly Father to let me bring my family and friends away from that awful place called Hell. 

Does it not make more sense that Heavenly Father intends to save his children and that only the very few evilest of persons, who fully reject all of the Gospel even as they feel the spirit, would go to a place where they cannot feel any of God's love. If I am so bold to say, they probably do not desire God's love and they desire to be with Satan. And if people can not accept fully the Savior in this life - due to circumstances or just because everyone thinks differently and some people have a harder time believing, does it not make sense that God would still offer the most that he can to them - some portion of his Glory and Love. Does he not love them at least that much? The gate may be narrow and few be that find it (Matthew 7:14) but do you not think that God intends to help all to find it eventually. At least to find the Gateway to some degree of his Glory and Love? Does he not love us that much? 

I do feel God's love in my life and I believe that just because people do not think that I am right, it does not mean that after I die, that love will be taken away from me forever. 

I believe in a loving Heavenly Father who has a perfect plan for his children.  After we are resurrected to our perfected bodies, we will each be judged perfectly by our loving Savior. When we get to Heaven, however that may look like for each of us individually, we will all be able to feel of God's perfect love and we will know that we are where we need to be based on what we were willing to accept of the Fullness of the Gospel. It will all make sense then just as the Plan of Salvation does make sense now. 

Family Blog Post

 We are talking about the importance of Journals as we study Come Follow Me this evening. This blog is our family journal and tonight we are each going to contribute something.

Mary says: "I had fun playing video games with Porter today." (cousins are so important to us).

Caeleb says: "Do I have to do this"

Elva says: "Today we went swimming and are cousins are here. Swimming lessons were kind of hard and I still need to learn how to do a dive."

Chris says: "I am excited to find my old mission journals and to share some stories from them tomorrow." Elva says: "I want to learn about dads stories."

Katherine says: "I know that Come Follow Me is important and that we should work on learning the Gospel through Come Follow Me everyday. This will help our family in many ways. I love the Gospel of Jesus Christ."

My Birthday

 Dear Blog,

Today I turned 37. It was delightful day! I slept with the kids in my parents basement last night after we watched the Calgary Stampede parade on their TV. Their basement stays nice and cool on these hot summer days. I slept in with Lizzy. I was awake about 7:45 but she did not get up until after 9:00 I believe so I read as I was waiting for her to wake up beside me. Then Chris made me an yummy egg and cheese burrito and I spent the rest of the morning chatting with mom and dad, reading a fun little book called Daddy Long Legs and mowing our lawn which to me is a very relaxing thing to do as we have a ride on lawn mower. Chris took the kids for the afternoon. They ended up going to Calgary to do some shopping. I stayed home and finished reading my book, had a nap and watched a couple of movies while decluttering papers, organizing clothes and packing for our trip to Victoria next week. This evening we went to Mom and Dads to have Clever Scoops ice cream. Then I checked the chickens and took Laddy for a walk (with Lizzy and Selman) as per my usual evening routine after tucking Dad into bed. It was a hot day at 32 degrees but I must be acclimatizing as I did not feel it as much as last week when it was in the high 30s. 

I feel strangely at peace now which is great because the last few days I have been a little bit high strung with no really good reason. I seem to get that way before my birthdays. Well, perhaps the reason may be that when I step back and look at my life, it seems to be a bit overwhelming at the moment. Chris just got called as second counselor in the Bishopric a few weeks ago and I got called as 1st counselor in the Relief Society last Sunday. And then there are some other family dynamics that keep us busy too. And through it all, I keep thinking about how I will be going back to work in January. I dropped in to see my co-workers the other day as the kids and I were passing through Claresholm on our way back from Head Smashed in Buffalo Jump and I brought my work family some ginger ale and club soda to let them know I am thinking of them. It was good to see them and it will be a good job to go back too. When the time comes, it will be busy busy and I am sure I will have my anxieties but I know I can do it! I just need to believe in myself. 

As for Chris, about a week ago he finally got a temporary job for this coming September and October. It is a half time teaching position in Nobleford but we feel very blessed to have it. And his parent's propane company has hired him for the summer to do some online programing so that is keeping him busy as well and is a blessing for our family. I feel like Heavenly Father provides us with a little light into our future just so we know what the next right thing is to do. And then as we do that, he shines a little more light so we can see the next step. This takes a lot of faith for a planner such as I, but I know this is a learning experience for me and I know that my Heavenly Father will take care of us and will give us the strength to do all that we need to do. 

The Champion pool is still not open so yesterday afternoon I took the kids to Little Bow Beach. I am so glad my friend came as I am not sure I could watch all 5 kids in the water by myself. We do a lot together and she is like a second mom to the kids and I am very grateful for her. It was hot out and I even got a bit of a burn on my back - oops. But the kids had a blast in the water and we hope to have a lot more water fun this summer. 

It is almost midnight so I should head to bed. Tomorrow we have 2 hour meetings at church (they started that in Champion ward last week but we were at the Nelsons house for Russell's baby blessing). We don't have to wear masks anymore and I will be in Relief Society once again after having been in Primary for 3 years. Should be fun. I love Sundays - going to church and then spending time at home with my family. Sunday really is the best day of the week. Bye for now. 

Back to the Blog

Well, I am back for another blog post. I was successful in completing my 5 weeks without blogging or looking at peoples blogs, or looking at facebook or instragram. Well, I did look at a few of my mom's pictures on Instagram when she wanted me to post something for her. But it was a few moments of forgetfulness. That seems like forever ago. So where do I start. It is finally Summer! The last few months of school went well. The kids did a couple of weeks of online school in May due to COVID restrictions across Alberta (the high number of daily cases was over 2000 during that time) but as of yesterday, July 1st, pretty much all restrictions have been lifted. It felt weird going to the Champion pop up market yesterday without a mask on. June seemed to go fairly fast. Mary had her kindergarten graduation on June 3. It was just a parade of vehicles that drove past the 10 little graduates at the champion school but there were probably 20 vehicles that joined the parade and so I think it was successful. I was the Champion kindergarten president this year and it was a hard year as the kindergarten is struggling financially. But we have worked so hard to fundraise this year and we have done our best. Mary will do kindergarten next year. Her birthday is in September and she is young. She did not really want to go to kindergarten this year and it was a bit of a fight at times so we are treating this year as a Pre-kindergarten and next year will be her year to shine! Caeleb and Elva did well in school. Caeleb just needs to continue working on his reading comprehension and Elva with her reading skills. They both do well in Math - they take after their daddy. 

Elva and Caeleb's last day of school was June 25th and we have been trying to survive the heat ever since. It has been in the high 30s for the last week or so. It is so hot, I have a hard time thinking and this blog post is hard to focus on. We did go to Bar U ranch with a friend on June 30th and hardly anyone else was there, most likely due to the heat. I love history and to explore old buildings and the kids seemed to enjoy the wagon ride. 

Yesterday was Mom's birthday and Canada day. We did not do much. We went to the pop up market in Champion and we picked up chinese food and had a watermelon cake for mom's birthday celebration. I took a picture of the kids in front of our Canada day shed. 

Today we had some friends over and we played in the barn and I had scripture study with my friend. She is of a different church but we study the Bible together and I am so glad we do. I learn a lot from her even if we have some different beliefs. Then I took the kids to the air conditioned church in town so they could play ball while I helped tidy up the primary room. And now, my brain is fried and my tongue is parched, so I will post this post and head downstairs for some water. Until next time!

Dear Chris - a little Father's Day note

Dear Chris,

You looked so peaceful this evening sleeping with Mary on one side and Selman on the other so

I didn't want to wake you up. Thank you for being such a wonderful dad to our kids.

I love to see you be a dad. Thank you for working hard to provide for our family. 

This last year was a difficult one for you with your job but you never complained. You worked so hard 

and went the extra mile by tutoring some kids at school and going in early and staying late to help 

your students. You have a true love of teaching others and you are so good at it. 

I know Heavenly Father will keep providing you with opportunities to teach.

I am excited about your new calling as second councellor in the Bishopric. 

I know without a doubt that it was inspired and I know that our family will learn and grow 

from this experience just as those around you will learn and grow and feel loved as you serve them. 

I believe in you. I love you.

Love Katherine 

Dear Dad,

I love you. I am so grateful that you are my father. I had the best childhood and it has everything to

do with how you and Mom raised me. Thank you for the simple but wonderful experiences I

had growing up. For the camping trips in our tent, to feeding the cows in the winter, to chicken 

killing day, to you having Camellia and I "blow out the lights" at bedtime when you came to
tuck us in, to seeing you all dirty after a long day in the fields (you worked so hard), to reading us stories 

and you falling asleep while reading them to us (tehehe), to riding horses with us, etc. etc. etc.

But  the thing I am most grateful for is your quiet but powerful testimony of the restored Gospel

of Jesus Christ. I feel the spirit every time I enter your home and I know it is because of the

way you and Mom have lived your life, centered in the gospel. You took such good care

of us while we were growing up, even in the most simple of ways and I 

am honored now to take care of you. I love you.

Love Katherine 

Dear Nathan

I want to say that I love you and am grateful that you are my brother. Even through your challenges in

life, you plug away trying your best as you put one foot in front of the other. I love to see your smile! 

It really is the best smile in the world. Thanks for your example of working hard. You work so hard and 

you are so smart and can fix anything! Thank you for being a good uncle to your nieces and nephews. 

They really do look up to you. I love you and am always here for you.

Love Katherine  

Dear Gary,

Thank you for raising such a wonderful son. I am grateful I get to be part of the Watters Family for eternity. 

Thank you for putting up with all of us when we come out to visit for two weeks each year. 

Thank you for your happy, positive attitude and that smile that lights up the room. We love you!

I am good enough...but I can always do a little bit better

Recently, I had a day where I really felt at peace with my life. I want to record this so that I can read it when I have those days where I do not feel like I am good enough. On that day, I felt good enough as a wife and mother. I felt that even though the battle with screen time is very real in our home, even though I get upset sometimes, even though my house is often a mess, there is always cleaning to be done and the laundry is hardly ever all put away, etc etc etc, I am enough as a wife and mother. I am where I am supposed to be (at home with my kids), doing what I am supposed to be doing (somedays that is the bare minimum -just trying to keep sane -but I do try to be a good mother and homemaker) and working through the struggles I am supposed to be working through. I am good enough.

The 4 older kids fought for a bit this morning. There was some hitting and screaming involved between them. But then they played well together while I cooked in the kitchen for about an hour and I loved hearing them laugh and have fun with their zombie game. Elizabeth played at my feet pulling plastic plates and cups out of the kids cupboard. Now they are watching the movie Bedtimes stories and I am fine with that. I hope that, even though there is quite the age range between them, they will always stay friends. And I hope they always stay close to their cousins. In a way, cousins can be like brothers and sisters too. 

Elva randomly gave me a challenge this morning. There is always room for improvement in my life and I suppose she has noticed my excess screen time as I check Instagram and Facebook daily (well, Instagram many times a day) and I like to blog or read other blogs as well. She challenged me to 5 weeks without Instagram, Facebook and blogging starting tomorrow. Then she challenged herself to 5 weeks without the Nintendo Switch, playing phone games and screaming (she screams sometimes when she is upset). I am impressed by Elva. She is still very much my little girl but I see her growing up little by little, developing more self awareness and self discipline each day. She is such an amazing young lady and she will turn out just fine! 

Let's see how the next 5 weeks go. I hope I use the extra time to read more scriptures and books, go to bed earlier and exercise more. See you then. Now I am off to either play with Selman as he wanting to play or maybe I can sneak in a nap for him and Elizabeth (and maybe me 😉). 

Happy Birthday Selman

Well our Selman turned 3 years old on March 10th. It was a simple but fun day. We had cereal for breakfast (which is a treat in our house), macaroni and cheese for lunch - with ketchup of course, and his favorite meal of chicken nuggets for supper. Then of course we had cake - green mini cupcakes and a yellow lego man face cake. And we had a Pikachu piñata.  He got magnetic building blocks and a playdough candy maker. We love you so much Selman! Your expressions, your smile, your fun happy personality. You are a thinker and we love to hear your little thoughts and ideas. I am so excited to see you grow into an incredible young man. Now, to work on potty training. Yah, not much success in that area  but we are trying most days. I am sure it will click sooner then later and then I will see the lights go on in your eyes, you will hold up your finger and say "I a idea" and it will be to go in the potty. Right Selman?

My Dad's birthday is on Tuesday and we celebrated last night by going to a yummy steak restaurant called the Silver Slate. Chris, Elizabeth and I rode in with Nathan in his nice new jeep and we met Camellia and Doug and Mom and Dad there. Oh, I love you Dad. I am so grateful you are my father. You have such a strong spirit and your quiet spiritual strength has helped me gain a strong testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I had the best childhood growing up because of the way you and Mom raised me. Thank you. I love you. 

I have been writing in my blog more than usual lately but I think I will put it away for a few weeks or months...maybe. I suppose Covid has been making me miss connecting with more people and for some reason I feel more connected when I write in my blog. When we first moved out here to the farm, I didn't realize that I would struggle connecting with people in the area. I have made some great friends in the community but I feel like the people in my ward kind of stick to themselves and their families. But that is ok. That is just the dynamics of the ward. They are still my ward family. Perhaps moving out here and Covid has made me realize that I am more of an extrovert than I originally thought. 

Anyways, life is wonderful. I am loving the Spring-ish weather and bbbbbbbbbbbbbbb (Selman is helping me type - hahahaha). I better go play with him. Until later.