Fall 2021

 We have had a pretty good Fall. The weather has been beautiful. It only has snowed once and there is not snow on the ground right now. October Thanksgiving was spent at home this year and Camellia, Doug and their crew came for Turkey and all the trimmings. We did our Halloweening on Saturday October 30th this year so that we did not have to be running around on Sunday. I texted our neighbors about a week beforehand and most were agreeing to let us come and visit on the Saturday. Thanks neighbors! It took us about 3 hours to go to 15 houses. The kids dressed up as follows: Caeleb - a big blowup dinosaur, Elva - a unicorn, Mary - a unicorn (they got nice cozy unicorn pjs), Selman - a dinosaur and Lizzy - a strawberry. 

Chris and I celebrated our 12 Anniversary on October 24th. Camellia and Doug watched the kids while Chris and I spent a night away in Waterton at our usual Glacier Suites Hotel. We hiked Bears hump that Friday evening and it was a beautiful hike!! It felt so good to hike and I felt so alive!!! I hope we can do more this summer. We went out for supper at Vimny Lodge. The next day, we slept in, had breakfast and went to the 1:00pm session at the Temple. It has been 2 years since we have gone to the Temple and it was so wonderful to go again. I feel close to my Father in Heaven when I am in the Temple. I am grateful to learn more about God's plan for us as well as feel connected to those who have already died. 

I took the kids to Camellia and Doug's on the weekend of November 5th while Chris stayed home and worked on report cards. Doug was in the play Joseph and the Technicolor dream coat and he did so good! We took all the kids to the play except Selman and Lizzy. 

On November 11, we watched a Remembrance day service from home while Nana took Caeleb to Champion for the little service there. Then we went to the Nanton Air Museum and looked at the war planes and other exciting displays. Nana and Papa came as well as Camellia and her kids. We had a great time looking at the planes and playing in the park outside. 

Pretty much our whole family got sick during the week of the 15-21 of November with certain kids staying home throughout the week. I even had a fever Tuesday and Wednesday which never happens and I felt really rotten. Caeleb and I got tested for Covid on the Thursday but we were negative. We all feel better now, just a continuing cough for some of us. 

Today, November 27, we went to get our tree up in the mountains. It is the first time we have done that with the kids. We left at 1000 in the morning and were back by 3:00pm. We did not find the greatest tree for us or Mom and Dad but we tried and we had fun. There was a little snow up there so the kids had some fun sledding. We got slurpies as per a tradition we did when I was growing up when going tree hunting. I hope that we can continue to do this every 2-3 years. Chris is not really an outside person so I kind of felt alone in planning this but I hope that we can continue to do things like this in our family. Traditions are important. And being outside is important too. We decorated the little tree tonight and had appetizers and hot chocolate while watching The Polar Express after. That is becoming a tradition too. I love our little Charlie Brown tree. It lights up our dining room and living room with the spirit of Christmas. 

Well, I best put the Liz to bed. Until later. 

Songs

 I am listening to a lot of uplifting music these days on Youtube. These are a few of my favorites. 

https://youtu.be/EUMtAaJX2RE - I'm trying to be like Jesus 

https://youtu.be/xrlvD323ciw - love one another 

https://youtu.be/3PlyzaKkzTQ - I will be What I Believe 

https://youtu.be/AGhxlPAHOg4 - Savior, Redeemer of my Soul 

https://youtu.be/nomxXk6Q1rk - Glorious - One Voice Children's Choir 

https://youtu.be/GbPOTWO2ynU - Like Him - Aaliyah Rose 

Catching up on Summer

You know something, I have not caught up on my blog about our Summer. Let's see if I can remember enough to quickly summarize the Summer. 

It was a hot, dry Summer. We did not receive much rain in the Spring and the crops did not grow well. I think all farmers struggled, including the Durum crop that was grown on my parents land. Last year the mustard crop was great so you win some and loose some right? sidenote - I really admire Farmers. It is an unpredictable job and a great way to rely on faith. I kind of wish I was a Farmer but I am glad I was raised as a Farmer's daughter. 

We travelled out to Victoria from July 14 to the 28th. We like traveling in the middle of the week because there is less traffic. As usual, the kids did very well on the way out. We put Elizabeth between Elva and Caeleb in the back so they can feed her things and entertain her. The highlight of the road trip is the Ferry - exploring, playing in the little play areas and eating on the Ferry. 

We had a great time visiting family in Victoria. Kurt and Alby did not want to see us or the rest of the family, but we visited with everyone else. We stayed at the parents house. Chris had a Guys day where his brothers and Dad and him went out to eat, painted mugs and went to a race track. Us girls had a Girls day where we went up to the New Malahat Skywalk and then slid down a 7 story slide, then went tubing 3 hours down a river (absolutely loved it!) and then out for supper at Milestones at the Inner Harbor. I love to visit with my mother in law and 3 sisters in law (my 4th sister in law does not want anything to do with us). Even though 3 of us have some different beliefs then the other two, we love each other and I know that our family relationships can be forever. I love my Watters family very much. Chris and I went on a date night to Sidney where we went out for Thai food and walked around the harbor there and then drove around the waterfront by the Ferry and Airport. Some very huge and expensive houses there! The kids had fun playing with their cousins. They are developing a special bond with them even though they only see them once a year or so. When Caeleb and Elva are a bit older, I want to fly them out to see their cousins (and the others too when they get older). We went mini golfing a couple of times with the kids, we went to the Breakwater and to Beacon Hill park, we went to the beach several times and we played in Aunt Wendy's blow up water park. We had a games night and early one morning, Chris and I hiked bear hill with Uncle Jared and his friend to watch the sunrise. It is only 5 minutes from Chris' parents house and the sunrise on the ocean was so beautiful!

Swimming lessons this year were August 2-6 for our kids and Camellia's kids (except Lizzy and Russell). We ended up camping in Champion Wednesday, Thursday and Friday evening. Doug joined us Thursday, and we had 14 people sleeping in our tent that night. A small independent film company was filming a movie in Champion on Saturday and Caeleb and Elva and I decided to be extras for that film. It was actually lots of fun walking across Main street in Champion over and over and over again with each take. And we met some fun people while doing it! I would totally do that again. The kids would too. 

Chris spent most of the summer in his office, working on his parent's company computers,  programming some sort of App to help with their business. He never got it done so I suppose he will continue to work on it next summer. I am not sure what to think about that but I will leave it there. 😕 He was able to make a covering for our septic tank, so that was very nice of him. He is very creative that way and did a very good job!

I went to Calgary with the kids a couple of times in August to help a friend in the ward find a new vehicle after she had car accident. We ate at Wendys drive through many times this summer and enjoyed the $1 frostys. We also went to Camellia and Doug's for a weekend and went to Waterton to skip rocks in the lake with the kids (Chris stayed home to work as per usual). 

We went to my Cousins, the Gainor's, beautiful lake house on Gull lake for a night in August. We had to delay a day because I had taken Selman to Vulcan Emergency Room at 4:00 in the morning the day before. He had been sick for a couple of days and then woke up in the middle on the night with  wheezing and fast breathing. X-rays were normal (he was such a tough little guy and did so well standing still for x-rays), covid test was negative, and a few doses of ventolin and atrovent helped him greatly. Hopefully it was just a one time RSV event and will not lead into an Asthma. He has been fine since. Anyways, we had fun at the Gainor's. Chris and I played a bird game with Kamille. Elva got along really well with Elliette and Dawsyn. They went exploring. Caeleb and Marshall played together as well. We went tubing on their beautiful new boat twice. The weather was a bit dodgy and the first time out on the boat, the waves were really choppy. The second time out, a rain storm hit us suddenly and Kamille did some quick thinking to bring us home safely. It is a big lake and you can get lost on it! The kids, especially Elva and Mary, had a blast tubing! I don't think we will ever have a boat (though I would like a canoe someday to take out on the reservoir 5 minutes from our house) but I am so grateful that the Gainors are willing to let us come and visit! We will have to do it again in future years. 

Other little highlights of the Summer were going to Bar U ranch and Head Smashed in Buffalo Jump early in July. I love going to historical sights! Definitely a passion of mine. I don't think the kids have that passion yet and Chris does not either, but hopefully some day. I love that my Dad loves historical sights. I remember him always reading every historical sign when we went places as a kid. I am like him in that way. 

It was a good summer. It went by way too fast but I think by the end of it, we were all ready to go back to school. I love Spring and July, I don't care for August, but Fall really is my favorite season of the year (just like it was for my old Calgary friend Grandma Nancy who lived at the Colonel Belcher with my Grandma Selman - I miss them both, my Rummicube buddies, and have been thinking of them). 

We are still having a good Fall. The weather has been very nice. It snowed a little last week, a little winter squall, but besides that we have hardly got any snow yet and the temperature has stayed pretty warm. My days are spent playing with the kids, procrastinating doing laundry, painting the inside porch and mudding the attic (I am very slow at getting projects done) and thinking about religion. I need to get over that last one. Talking about religion has strengthened my faith in the gospel of Jesus Christ and simultaneously weakened my faith in humanity and has left me confused and depressed (I need to get back on my antidepressant I think). I have taken a step with faith out into the dark by learning about other people's beliefs, and guess what. It has brought nothing but darkness. So how could it be true. Why do people interpret the Bible the way THEY do?! It does not lead to happiness. It leads to darkness, feelings opposite of light, love and truth. I feel empty inside. 

Well, it is almost 6:00 am. I have been up since 4:00 am coughing. I have had a bad cold/flu this week and even had a fever on Tuesday and Wednesday. Caeleb and I got covid tested on Thursday and we are negative. We have all been a bit sick and I have got nothing productive done this week except for hanging out with the kids at home - which is good enough! We watched a lot of movies including having a family movie night last night while eating nachos. We watched Jungle Cruise and it was really good. Chris was working in his office and did not join us. Caeleb and Elva have guitar/piano lessons today (Saturday) as they had school yesterday and then I think we will go for a bit of a drive after. Chris, will be working in his office. Until later then. 

Logic

Chris gave me a blessing yesterday. It was beautiful and I felt the spirit. It was not fortune telling or witchcraft (a friend was asking me what blessings were all about). Chris simply placed his hands on my head and said a prayer through the power of the priesthood. He blessed me to have peace and comfort, to look for truth and to look to Church History and the examples of those of old. He blessed me to focus on what I have learned through the spirit. I know this blessing came from God. After the blessing, I started thinking about those who joined the LDS Church many years ago. I started thinking about why they did it and their testimony of truth. I also read John 1 to look for truth. I read it as a child would. I felt my Savior's love. I had this thought come to mind. Use Logic Katherine. For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

People all over the world are trying to believe in him, whether they know it or not. They are trying to make sense of how we are, who we are and why we are. No matter what you believe in, you have Faith, or at least a sliver of hope, to believe it, to believe in a higher power and purpose of some sort. We know who that power comes from, but most everyone believes in a higher power of some sort. God is not looking for excuses to throw people into Hell. God is Love! He will accept belief and Faith in whatever form you have to offer it, as long as it takes you a step closer to him and to Christ and Christ's characteristics and to truth. Faith is not a one time event. Faith is a process, a journey. This I know is true.  

I have been wrestling with myself the last several months. Satan puts dark contentious thoughts in my mind. God puts thoughts of peace, clarity, truth, common sense/logic in my mind. God loves his children. All of us. He loves you, he loves me. Love is my foundation of Truth and Logic. Everything else that I believe in and know is built on that foundation.

I Believe

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I strongly believe that the Church has been a blessing in my life as I come to know Christ. For the past several months, I have been on a Faith journey of sorts. You see, like I have said in several of my latest blog posts, I have been studying the Bible with a friend and it has opened my eyes to what Christians believe about my faith. I am a fairly simple minded, empathetic being and have gone from innocently believing I am a Christian to being told that I am not a Christian.  From what I gather, unless I have been told or have interpreted wrong, Christians believe that my Faith in Christ is not true saving faith because I do not believe in the Bible alone, I believe in the Godhead instead of the Trinity, I do works such as baptism and temple ordinances (and so I can not abide by their faith alone criteria of salvation), I believe in modern day prophets and I am open to learning more truth.  I am trying to think of a way to describe how I feel when people say I do not have true saving faith. It is like someone saying "Katherine, you are blind." And I say, "No, actually I see quite well thank you. 20/20 vision in fact. I just had my vision checked." And then that person over and over and over again says, "No Katherine, you are blind." And I say, "I see what I see, I see everything in the room in front of me and all around me, I can see very clearly Thank you. I see what I see. I know what I know. You can not tell me what I see and know." Yet that person thinks he or she knows me better than I know myself even though I am me. It is more than frustrating. 

One thing is for certain. I believe in Christ, who is the  Son of God and I believe that he has the power to perform the Atonement and that he died for my sins. I have faith in him and have accepted his Atonement. Christ is my Savior and I am forever indebted to him There is no doubt in my mind on this. So naturally I think it is incredibly confusing when people tell me, more or less, that my faith is not good enough because I am a member of the LDS church. I have talked to my dear Christian friends about this. I love my friends. I have talked to a very nice and knowledgeable Pastor from a local Christian church about this. I have listened to many youtube videos. These are good men who want the best for people, however, they appear to believe that my faith is not good enough for me to be saved. I can not understand this at all. I truly believe that I have been saved!!! And with all the questions I have asked people, I have NEVER EVER got a clear answer on why believing what I believe prevents me from being saved! Do these people even know what kind of God they believe in? If God is as cruel as these people describe, a God who picks and chooses who he saves and who will not save me or the countless people who are pure in heart, who are not perfect but have pure desires and motives and truly believe what they believe (but whose beliefs are different then these Christians), or the people who struggle with faith (Atheists included) but are trying to just get through this hard life the best way the know how, then I will be cast into that awful Hell and will suffer for eternity with those who GOD hated (not those who hated God but those who God hated). That is not the God I know and I can not even begin to describe how horrible this makes me feel. Not alone for myself, but for the billions of others who have tried or are trying to hold on and just get through life regardless of if the believe or what they believe about God. 

In my heart, I want to feel united with other believers. But further than that, I desire to feel united with everyone on this earth! I want to feel like we are all on our Journey to Christ even if our Journeys differ a little or even alot! 

Now, I need to let this go as I feel like these thoughts are consuming my life and are taking me away from the focus on my husband and children. I need to be a good wife and mother and I will continue to study the Bible and Book of Mormon, go to church, pray, ponder, have family scripture study, etc. But I will focus on doing these things with my family. I will not focus on how others do not think I will be saved. That makes me feel sad and is getting me no where in life! I am going to write my beliefs down now. These beliefs are mostly for my children to read. I want them to know what I believe and that I will love them no matter what they believe. Of course I would want them to stay active members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints because I know how being an active member has blessed my life in countless ways. The biggest blessing is that it has helped me come to Christ and develop a personal relationship with him. I know that God will love my children no matter what they believe. He just wants us all to be happy and he knows what we need to do to gain the fullness of peace and Joy! These are my beliefs:

1). I believe in God. Not just believe. I know God! I love him! He is my Heavenly Father. He is the Father of my Spirit. He loves me more than I can comprehend. He loves everyone who has ever lived or will ever live no matter who they were/are, with that same perfect, everlasting love. 1 John 4:8. God is Almighty. His power is everlasting. Without him, I am nothing. He deserves all the Glory and all my praise. 

2) I know that Jesus died for my sins. God loved the world so he sent his son to die for us (John 3:16). It is through his grace that I am saved. It is through my faith in His Atonement that I am saved. I am sinful. I could never ever save myself. I have faith in Christs Atonement. Ephesians 2:8. 

3) I believe in the Godhead. I believe in God the Father, his son Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost. I only worship one God as the scriptures tell me to do so. I believe that Jesus is called the Father at times. He is the Father of creation, he is the Father of our Salvation, etc. He is God's son and has his divine nature. He has the power to perform the atonement. I only have one Everlasting God. 

4) I believe in the Plan of Salvation as laid out in the Scriptures as well as in modern revelation. We have to come this earth to use our free agency and walk by faith. We ALL walk by faith no matter what or who you believe in. That is simply a fact. Whether you believe in science or God, none of us have all the answers and we all walk by faith in what we believe in.  I believe need to walk by faith in order to return to live in God's presence. That is part of the plan. If we did not need to walk by faith, then I would assume God would let himself be known in such a way that there would be no need to interpret the Bible and there would be no unclarity when it came to who God is, what he wants and other teachings of the Bible. Everything would be clear and there would be no confusion. We NEED to learn to walk by Faith. 

5) I believe part of the Plan of Salvation is Exaltation. I do believe that everyone who has faith will be saved to Heaven but I don't limit my mind on what Heaven can actually be. That being said, I actually do allow myself to think through things and I do believe in 3 kingdoms of Glory. This is where modern day revelation comes in. I truly believe that God's work and Glory is to bring to pass the Immortality and Eternal life of Man. Moses 1:39. Everyone will be resurrected but our resurrected bodies will be different as stated in 1 Corinthians 15:40 according to where we want to go and where we will feel most comfortable. My aim is to become like God and to live in his presence because I know I need to be like him to live there. I do not know the specifics of how things will work out but that is simply my aim. I also believe that I can live with and be married too my husband in the Celestial Kingdom. I do not understand why God would want to dissolve my marriage to Chris after this life. He intended Adam and Eve's marriage to last forever, so why not mine. Could that not be a way that he blesses those who desire that in Heaven?

6) That being said, I believe in Temples. I feel the Spirit strongly when I go to a temple. I love to go. I believe in making covenants with the Lord. These covenants help me to do God's will as outlined in the Bible. They also help me come closer to Christ and learn more of God's ways. I believe in the covenant of Eternal Marriage and I believe that marriages can indeed be forever if we make that covenant with our spouse and the Lord in the Temple. 

7) I believe in Family History. I believe in Baptisms for the dead for several reasons. One reason is that it connects us to our families and those who have died before us as we learn who they are through family history work and then do work for them in the Temple. Another reason is because people must have been doing at least Baptisms for the dead in Biblical times. 1 Corinthians 15:39 states this. It is not clear on why people were doing it but it was not presented as a bad thing. I truly believe acting on Family History and doing work for the dead in Temples helps us connect all of God's children throughout the ages. We do not forgot those of past generations. We do not want to forgot anyone who has ever lived! And we offer hope to all people alive or dead that they may accept the Gospel someday. That is a beautiful thing.

8). That being said, I believe we are all literal spiritual Sons and Daughters of God. Genesis 1:27 states God created us in his Image. We are like him As simple as that. That is how I interpret that verse to mean. 

9). I believe that Faith without works is dead as stated in James 2:14-26. If I have faith it is shown in my works. My works are the following: trying to follow Christ's example, following God's commandments in the Bible as well as in modern revelation (word of wisdom, the law of Chasity, temple worship, etc). By following these commandments, I will feel the Holy Ghost (aka the spirit) more readily in my life. Following these commandments protect me and sanctify me. I believe that! 

10). I believe in the need to have Faith! I walk by Faith every day. I love the Scripture in the Book of Mormon in Alma 32:21. I believe this with all my heart. I love all of chapter 32 but especially that verse. I know that as we walk by Faith, the Spirit will testify of truth. We can each have personal revelation. I believe in the fruits of the Spirit. If a belief has good fruit and causes one to do good, then it grows to become knowledge. If a belief is not true or is from Satan, the fruit of it cause bad works and/or will not grow but will wither away and die. I believe that we learn line upon line, precept upon precept. It is so exciting to continue to learn and grown in the gospel!

11). I believe in the Articles of Faith written by Joseph Smith. (Now I have to clarify, when it says in the Article of Faith 3, "We believe that through the Atonement of Christ, all mankind may be saved, by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel",  I believe that being saved means exhalation in this passage but that everyone who has faith in Christ will be saved to some degree of Glory). 

12). I believe in Modern Day prophets just like I believe in the prophets in the Bible. I am grateful for the Restoration of the Gospel. I am grateful for a living Prophet (President Nelson) to guide us in this  confusing modern day world. What I learn from him helps me desire God and come unto Christ. Now I have to say this. These Men are not perfect by any means and I know of the history of the church. There is a lot of controversy about Church History. I am not ignorant about it. I know a lot about it. But, the Prophets in the Bible were not perfect either. God works through very imperfect people! Including myself.

13). I believe the Bible is the word of God. I feel the spirit testify of truth when I read it.

14). I believe in the Book of Mormon. I believe it is simply, like it says, Another Testament of Jesus Christ. I know it is true. I have read it with pure intent, with a desire to know if it is true, and I got an answer in my heart from the Spirit. Reading the Book of Mormon produces Faith and good fruit in my life. 

15). I believe James 1:5 of the Bible. I also believe what it says in Moroni10:3-5 in the Book of Mormon.  If you want to know answers, ask God with pure intent. He will answer you whether it be through Scripture, the Spirit, or Both. 

16). Going back to my first belief, it all boils down to my knowledge of a loving God. He is not an egotistical, self centered God who just wants us to sing him praises for eternity. That sounds like what Satan would want. He wants to give all of his children all that he can, all that they will accept and become. That is how he gets his glory. His love is perfect! This I know.  I know that I am far from perfect. I know that my beliefs are not perfect. I like to ponder on the Bible verse Mark 9:24. "I believe, help thou my belief". God loves us all and wants us to be truly and eternally happy. I think we will all be surprised when we get to the other side and see just how much he loves us all!

There is a fire lit in me tonight. I feel the Spirit strongly as I ponder on my Beliefs. 

Now, I need to get to bed. It is 11:46 pm. I will try to get on with life. My family needs me. I will respect other people's beliefs and I hope they will respect my beliefs. I would hope that anyone who reads this will not criticize or find fault with what I say. Please just simply read it to understand what I know to be true. Perhaps one day people may come to understand that I am indeed a Christian even if they do not understand everything I believe. I know that everyone is on their own Faith Journey and that we will all be judged by a perfect, just and merciful God who will take everything, even the desires of our heart, into consideration in the process. He truly wants to give everyone the most that they are willing to accept by faith.  I feel like we are all more alike than different. I will strive to live a Christ-centered life. I will continue to learn and grow and walk by Faith. And I will continue to desire and feel God's love for me everyday of my life.  I see him working through me to accomplish his purposes just as he worked though Esther of old. I truly see his hand in every moment and aspect of my life! I feel peace and Joy which come from God.

I kind of know how you feel

I have often wondered how it feels to be an outcast, like you don't belong. Those who are LGTBQ, those who are of indigenous backgrounds or other races that feel like outcasts. I am not part of the Charismatic movement as I do feel like things can get carried too far in the other direction, but lately perhaps I have felt a little bit of how these minority groups feel. I don't agree with everything that these minority groups say or believe in but I never want anyone to feel discriminated against and I should speak out more in order to help them! I love them. 

I have been feeling judged and belittled because I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I never felt this way when I lived in Calgary but for some reason I feel it now. Champion seems to be a very Christian town. I have been introduced to Christian literature and have been self led further to youtube videos and websites. It is fascinating how people like to dedicate so much of their time to proving us wrong (I see that on youtube)! I am told one must believe in certain beliefs to be a true Christian. One being sola scripture and another being grace alone. Christians will not call LDS people Christians. We do not fit their definition of what a Christian is. I always thought I was Christian. After all, I believe in Christ, I have accepted his atonement and I try to follow him. I totally understand it if people are confused about the LDS religion. It is different. It is a lot to take in. But we believe in a God who loves everyone and a Savior who has atoned for the sins of everyone. We are not perfect but we have accepted the atonement of Christ. We see the Bible differently than others but we believe it is the word of God. We believe in further revelation. We believe in Temple worship. We believe in Eternal Families. Etc. 

But it appears that according to some Christians, we are not good enough to be saved because we have not accepted Christ in the way they think we should. That being said, the only other option for us is to be cast into Hell where we can not feel any of the love of God for all eternity. We may feel his love everyday on this earth, but we will not feel his love when we are cast down to hell. We may feel the Spirit testify of truth every day in our life, but that will be taken away from us when we are cast down to eternal torment and suffering. That is super confusing to me.

From what I have been told, some Christians believe that our sole purpose is to worship God. All God wants from us is to sing praises to him and make his name known all day and everyday for eternity? And he even gets glory by casting his creations to hell where they will never again feel of his love just because he did not choose them to be saved, just because they did not understand exactly who God is or what the Savior has done for them while they were alive. I really don't know what that means or what kind of God that is who's sole desire is to create people to feed his ego for eternity. That doesn't make sense to me. It sounds more like Satan than God. 

As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, We believe that God's work and Glory is to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of Man. We believe that in bringing to pass the eternal life of man, God wants everyone to return to live with him again and to give all that he can to them. That is how he gets his Glory. Some people will be sinful and stubborn and will not accept all he has to offer and it is true that we have to be like God in order to live with him, but he still loves them and will give to them all that he can under the circumstances even if it is not all that he has to offer. He wants his children to grow up and become like him just like we want that of our children. We would not have our children stay little forever.  That is how we glorify him and make his name known, by becoming like him. We are literally his spirit children. We have divine nature. We are all sons and daughters of a King!

I feel the Spirit testify of truth as I ponder these things and the Spirit draws me closer to the Savior. But I feel Satan put contentious thoughts into my mind when I feel segregated from Christians. I feel like I am not good enough for them because I am who I am and I believe what I believe. I do not feel like my beliefs are a sin. On the contrary, they help me draw closer to Christ. I suppose other minority groups feel the same way when they are told they can not be like others or have what others have. They probably feel like they are not good enough. I don't want them to feel that way. I feel for them. Jesus was loving of everyone, I can be too. I do not know exactly how things will work out in the eternities. I do know that our sin leads us away from the Spirit and away from Christ. I do know that following the Savior's example leads us closer to the Spirit and as we have the Spirit, we feel of God's love and we come closer to Christ. And I do know that in the world to come, we will ALL feel of God's fairness, his judgement, his grace, his mercy and most of all, his love!

Elva's testimony

I just want to share a sweet experience that happened last Sunday. It was fast and testimony meeting. I got up like I usually do because there are not a lot of people in our ward to get up and speak. And I felt the spirit prompt me - that too. After, I sat down, my 8 year old Elva comes to me and innocently asks "mom, how old do you have to be to get up there." I said that anyone can. I could see that she wanted to get up and she was up and down in her seat a little. Then she bravely walked up to the front and bore a sweet little testimony that she knew "this is true". She was beaming when she sat down. Now, I did not encourage her to do this and I do not know if we have ever talked to the kids about getting up to bare their testimony. But I testify to everyone reading this blog post that the Holy Ghost is real, that he testifies of the truth and that on Sunday, he testified of truth to Elva who is but a child - a pure innocent vessel. And through her simple testimony, others felt the Spirit as well. 

To my children, always seek the Spirit in your life. The Holy Ghost will guide and direct you to know truth and to know all things that you should do to come closer to your Savior. I have a very strong testimony of this. I know that our Heavenly Father loves all his children and that the Savior died for everyone. It is God's plan that we return home to him. He wants to give all of us, all that he can. That is His work and His glory. 

Anxiety

It is 3:15 in the morning and it is the second night in a row where I have been awake at this time due to anxiety. I always seem to write in my blog in the middle of the night. Well, not always, but a lot. I go back to work in 3 months (December 27th) and I keep thinking about it. Will I be good enough when I go back? Will I be able to juggle work life and home life? I feel like my hair is falling out due to stress. Or maybe my iron is low. Who knows.  I just started back on my anti-anxiety-depression medication and hopefully that will work. Last time I went back to work, I started on that medication and it worked wonders. I hope that is the case this time. I am also starting an emotional self reliance course today via zoom. It is offered by the church and is more or less structured like the financial self reliant class that Chris and I took a few years ago with the ward. I am excited to take this class! I know that I need to be optimistic and go into any challenge in life with self confidence and a positive attitude. I can do this! 

It has been such a beautiful Fall! Similar to last year, the weather has been so warm. It was around 25 degrees yesterday! The leaves are taking their time to change colors and it looks beautiful outside. But it has also brought the flies. I thought we had dodged that bullet as there were only a few flies come mid August. But September brought many more and one is bugging me at the moment. Not quite as bad as last year though and we have had no mice! Last year we caught around 30 in the basement. We have some cats that hang around the house and the crops were horrible this year so I am thinking that those two things are factors in having less mice and I am not complaining (although nicer crops would have been nice for mom and dad and all our neighbors). 

We have seen such blessings with Chris' job! He got a two month 0.4 temporary job in Nobleford beginning in September. We entered the summer without him having a job but he secured one the beginning of July. After two weeks at work, his job turned into a fulltime contract that goes until December. The guy he is filling in for is on disability leave and, who knows, maybe this will turn into something permanent. Not that we want to take the job away from that nice guy, but it would make life easier if Chris had a permanent job. I guess we will wait and see but we feel so blessed that he has a good job. Last year was tough teaching in Claresholm and Chris enjoys Nobleford much better. He is teaching programming, study block and math and he is enjoying it. I admire him so much as he goes to work each day with a smile on his face and a positive attitude. He is amazing!

The kids are back in school and are enjoying it. Mary is back for a second year of kindergarten. Last year was pre-kindergarten. There are 7 kids in her class and she seems to be enjoying it. She is more confident and enthusiastic about heading off on the bus Tuesdays and Thursdays. She did not really want to go to pre-kindergarten last year but this year is a lot better.  Caeleb and Elva are enjoying being back with their friends. Champion school is so small - probably less than 60 kids at the moment - but it is like a family environment. These kids get to know each other so well over the years. This year we are going to work on study techniques with Caeleb and reading with Elva. It is coming, slowly but surely and she is doing so much better and will continue to do better. You got this Elva! I know my kids will be able to use their struggles, and experiences in life to sympathize with and help others. Elva is taking Piano this year and Caeleb is taking Guitar. I hope I can help them with their studies and their instrument practicing. I don't think Mary cares to do any extra activities this year. Last year her and Elva did Highland dancing but they are not too keen to go back this year. I would like to do an online Highland dance class like I did last year and maybe Selman could do a class. He is so cute with a kilt on and he seems to enjoy it. We will see. 

I spend my days at home with the littles. Selman is potty training, slowly but surely. Nintendo switch time has been the incentive and has backfired greatly. Now it is this constant battle because he wants to play it so much and gets upset when he can't. Grrrr. I am lucky I have the 5 kids who have to learn how to share it! I need to be a better Mom and turn the electronics off more and I will continue to fight the screen time battle. It can be emotionally exhausting!

Lizzy is busy. She loves to cuddle with anyone. She burrows her little head to the shoulder of anyone who picks her up. But she is also very busy. She toddles all around the house, creating chaos wherever she goes. She pulls books off of shelves, dishes out of cupboards, toys out of bins, clothes out of drawers. The mess is never-ending. But she is so cute and I never mind a mess from our little Lizzy biz. 

 I have been into learning about Christian beliefs these days and I ask my friend a lot of questions. I do consider myself a Christian but I suppose a lot of Christians do not. I listen to a lot of Christian talks as well as General Conference talks while I am working around the house. I am in a Bible study group with my friend and some others from her church this Fall and we are studying Esther. It has been a great experience thus far! I am learning a lot about the Bible. But I also have a testimony of the Book of Mormon and I believe that we have a living Prophet on earth today. It is pretty cool though. I am finding answers to my questions in the Bible and these answers are not taking away from my previous beliefs. It is interesting how people can interpret the Bible differently and I am trying to look at the Bible from a whole perspective and piece it together like a puzzle. Chris and I have had some great gospel conversations of late and they always draw me closer to him and closer to God. I am grateful for my Heavenly Father and my Savior Jesus Christ. It always goes back to the atonement of Christ. Without him, I am nothing!

COVID keeps on chugging along. We are in the fourth wave and a lot of Albertans over 12 are vaccinated (including Chris and I) but the hospitals are being overwhelmed still and a lot of the unvaccinated are getting really sick and are in the ICU. Champion school has had a few cases but we have dodged it so far. I imagine we might eventually get it, who knows, but hopefully it does not affect us that much. It is hard to see people get divided due to their views. People who don't want to get vaccinated and people who do. I understand both sides. We have had some students drop out of Champion school to home school because of COVID and that makes me kind of sad. I want Champion school to do well. Sometimes I feel like I need to try for another child to keep Champion school going. But that is a ridiculous reason to have another child. One child will not make the difference. Still, my thoughts go there though I really don't think that will happen.

Well, I best be getting back to bed. Today is Sunday, my favorite day of the week. Chris has to go in to church early as he is now second counselor in the Bishopric but I will stay home with the kids and watch church from home as I also want to see my cousin Heather's son Logan talk in church (I love zoom technology). He is going on a mission soon, I believe to Missouri. I am excited for them and I am excited for my children to serve missions. What a hard but amazing experience it was in my life! Anyways, the zoom meeting for his talk starts at 9:00 and then the kids and I will watch church from home at 1000. It appears a lot of people are enjoying Zoom meetings from the comfort of home these days and I don't blame them. I really do prefer to go to the church for meetings but it is amazing to have the technology to be able to watch from home. And I am super excited for General Conference next weekend!

I will try to catch up on Summer events a little later. Until then, goodnight...or good morning (it is 4:18 AM now and Lizzy just found me for some snuggles). 

Progression

Just some thoughts of the day. Lately, I have been thinking greatly on the topic of progression and other gospel topics.

I have been reading and pondering more on the Bible. In doing so, I think of God. I think about what God was before the World was formed. What was he doing at that time? Did he create more worlds, with other animals and humans? 

And then I think about what we will do with God in Heaven. We will Glorify him but how do we do that? Does God want us to sing praises to him for all eternity? Will we eat all the time? Will we play sports or read books or visit with everyone forever? We will be perfect! There will be no pain or suffering or sin! It will be a beautiful, glorious place! But what will we do forever?

Will God want to teach us? 

If God teaches us, we will learn. And is learning not a form of progression? 

As we learn, we become more like God. For God knows all things. Will we sit around all day with all this knowledge in our souls without being able to do anything about it? Or will be able to use this knowledge for good and to glorify God even further?

With eternal learning and acting on what we learn, is there not that reality that we can indeed become like God? In Genesis, it says that we are made in the image of God. Not that we will become equals to God as he will always be ahead of us and therefore better than us on this infinite journey. He will always be greater than us and therefore we must always ALWAYS! give the Glory to him! 

I do not think of these things because I want any Glory for myself. I think of these things because God allows me to do so. These thoughts do not take away from my love for my God and my Savior. On the contrary! I feel more love and gratitude. 

When I think of these things, I feel of my Savior's love. I think of his Atonement and how he has made everything possible. Without him, we are nothing! I feel the spirit strongly in my life as I ponder on these things. I feel truth as I let the Holy Ghost guide and progress my thoughts and feelings line upon line, precept upon precept. 

A child's view on The Plan of Salvation

Lately I have been pondering a lot on the Plan of Salvation and the hope and peace that it gives me. Now let me start by being clear that everything I say is because I have accepted God's great plan of Salvation and the Savior's atonement but I am not perfect, I still am learning and I do not feel like I am or my thoughts are better than anyone else/s. I know that Heavenly Father loves each of his children and desires that they become all that they can become. I have been struggling in thinking about what other people think of our beliefs. Some people believe that members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints have not truly accepted the Lord's atonement which is needed alone for salvation. Continuing with logical reasoning, they then do not believe that we will be saved. They believe in a Heaven and a Hell. Heaven will be a wonderful place for those who are saved to live with God forever. Hell will be a place of fire and brimstone and wailing and gnashing of teeth void of any love of God or light of Christ. Does this then mean that I will go to a place of fire and brimstone and will be without any portion of the love of God or the light of Christ for eternity, even though I feel it strongly in my life right now? I believe that all people feel God's love in their life at some point, even if they do not fully understand it. And they desire it, even if they struggle to feel it or know who it comes from. Will some of my dear friends then be in Heaven basking in the Love and Glory of God, not thinking twice of me as I burn in pain and anguish for all eternity, just because I believe a little bit differently. This makes absolutely no sense to me.

Now I have read what the bible says on Heaven and Hell and I know of the vivid descriptions given. But my son Caeleb has been developing his own feelings on God, Heaven and Hell, and the plan of salvation and as I was tucking him into bed tonight, he mentioned something to me that really hit me in a positive way. He simply stated "what kind of Father (referring to Heavenly Father) would put his child into infinity time out!" What great wisdom coming from a small child. I agree full heartedly Caeleb! It makes no sense that a loving God would send his children to a place where none of his love is felt for eternity. I know what the bible says and I understand that the Plan of Salvation, as I know it, is not laid out word for word in the Bible. That is why God has provided us with living Prophets in our day to clarify scripture and receive more revelation for our sensitive modern day world. People may struggle to believe in Modern day prophets and revelation but are these concepts not just as believable if not more so than believing in a God that sends people to a place of eternal misery even if they are trying to do what is right? 

I believe that the Savior has saved us from physical and spiritual death. We just need to accept his gift of the atonement and we do this by following his example. After all, faith without works is dead (James 2:17). One of those works is baptism and receiving the Holy Ghost (John 3:5 and Acts 2:38).  There are other things that God would have us do, such as following other commandments (for example, there are the 10 commandments and others in the Bible), that draw us nearer unto him so that we may feel even more of his love and receive more understanding of his way of providing us with salvation. That being said, what does it mean to be saved? To go to Heaven? Am I going to Heaven? After all, I have accepted Christ's atonement. But people would still argue that I am not going to Heaven and that even though I am trying to follow Christ and build a relationship with him, I will be cast into Hell because I believe in MORE? Wait, What! It makes no sense to me. And are those who go to Heaven, are they ever going to be perfectly happy knowing that they have friends and family burning in eternal anguish and pain and suffering. I think that if I was in THAT Heaven, I would be eternally begging Heavenly Father to let me bring my family and friends away from that awful place called Hell. 

Does it not make more sense that Heavenly Father intends to save his children and that only the very few evilest of persons, who fully reject all of the Gospel even as they feel the spirit, would go to a place where they cannot feel any of God's love. If I am so bold to say, they probably do not desire God's love and they desire to be with Satan. And if people can not accept fully the Savior in this life - due to circumstances or just because everyone thinks differently and some people have a harder time believing, does it not make sense that God would still offer the most that he can to them - some portion of his Glory and Love. Does he not love them at least that much? The gate may be narrow and few be that find it (Matthew 7:14) but do you not think that God intends to help all to find it eventually. At least to find the Gateway to some degree of his Glory and Love? Does he not love us that much? 

I do feel God's love in my life and I believe that just because people do not think that I am right, it does not mean that after I die, that love will be taken away from me forever. 

I believe in a loving Heavenly Father who has a perfect plan for his children.  After we are resurrected to our perfected bodies, we will each be judged perfectly by our loving Savior. When we get to Heaven, however that may look like for each of us individually, we will all be able to feel of God's perfect love and we will know that we are where we need to be based on what we were willing to accept of the Fullness of the Gospel. It will all make sense then just as the Plan of Salvation does make sense now. 

Family Blog Post

 We are talking about the importance of Journals as we study Come Follow Me this evening. This blog is our family journal and tonight we are each going to contribute something.

Mary says: "I had fun playing video games with Porter today." (cousins are so important to us).

Caeleb says: "Do I have to do this"

Elva says: "Today we went swimming and are cousins are here. Swimming lessons were kind of hard and I still need to learn how to do a dive."

Chris says: "I am excited to find my old mission journals and to share some stories from them tomorrow." Elva says: "I want to learn about dads stories."

Katherine says: "I know that Come Follow Me is important and that we should work on learning the Gospel through Come Follow Me everyday. This will help our family in many ways. I love the Gospel of Jesus Christ."

My Birthday

 Dear Blog,

Today I turned 37. It was delightful day! I slept with the kids in my parents basement last night after we watched the Calgary Stampede parade on their TV. Their basement stays nice and cool on these hot summer days. I slept in with Lizzy. I was awake about 7:45 but she did not get up until after 9:00 I believe so I read as I was waiting for her to wake up beside me. Then Chris made me an yummy egg and cheese burrito and I spent the rest of the morning chatting with mom and dad, reading a fun little book called Daddy Long Legs and mowing our lawn which to me is a very relaxing thing to do as we have a ride on lawn mower. Chris took the kids for the afternoon. They ended up going to Calgary to do some shopping. I stayed home and finished reading my book, had a nap and watched a couple of movies while decluttering papers, organizing clothes and packing for our trip to Victoria next week. This evening we went to Mom and Dads to have Clever Scoops ice cream. Then I checked the chickens and took Laddy for a walk (with Lizzy and Selman) as per my usual evening routine after tucking Dad into bed. It was a hot day at 32 degrees but I must be acclimatizing as I did not feel it as much as last week when it was in the high 30s. 

I feel strangely at peace now which is great because the last few days I have been a little bit high strung with no really good reason. I seem to get that way before my birthdays. Well, perhaps the reason may be that when I step back and look at my life, it seems to be a bit overwhelming at the moment. Chris just got called as second counselor in the Bishopric a few weeks ago and I got called as 1st counselor in the Relief Society last Sunday. And then there are some other family dynamics that keep us busy too. And through it all, I keep thinking about how I will be going back to work in January. I dropped in to see my co-workers the other day as the kids and I were passing through Claresholm on our way back from Head Smashed in Buffalo Jump and I brought my work family some ginger ale and club soda to let them know I am thinking of them. It was good to see them and it will be a good job to go back too. When the time comes, it will be busy busy and I am sure I will have my anxieties but I know I can do it! I just need to believe in myself. 

As for Chris, about a week ago he finally got a temporary job for this coming September and October. It is a half time teaching position in Nobleford but we feel very blessed to have it. And his parent's propane company has hired him for the summer to do some online programing so that is keeping him busy as well and is a blessing for our family. I feel like Heavenly Father provides us with a little light into our future just so we know what the next right thing is to do. And then as we do that, he shines a little more light so we can see the next step. This takes a lot of faith for a planner such as I, but I know this is a learning experience for me and I know that my Heavenly Father will take care of us and will give us the strength to do all that we need to do. 

The Champion pool is still not open so yesterday afternoon I took the kids to Little Bow Beach. I am so glad my friend came as I am not sure I could watch all 5 kids in the water by myself. We do a lot together and she is like a second mom to the kids and I am very grateful for her. It was hot out and I even got a bit of a burn on my back - oops. But the kids had a blast in the water and we hope to have a lot more water fun this summer. 

It is almost midnight so I should head to bed. Tomorrow we have 2 hour meetings at church (they started that in Champion ward last week but we were at the Nelsons house for Russell's baby blessing). We don't have to wear masks anymore and I will be in Relief Society once again after having been in Primary for 3 years. Should be fun. I love Sundays - going to church and then spending time at home with my family. Sunday really is the best day of the week. Bye for now. 

Back to the Blog

Well, I am back for another blog post. I was successful in completing my 5 weeks without blogging or looking at peoples blogs, or looking at facebook or instragram. Well, I did look at a few of my mom's pictures on Instagram when she wanted me to post something for her. But it was a few moments of forgetfulness. That seems like forever ago. So where do I start. It is finally Summer! The last few months of school went well. The kids did a couple of weeks of online school in May due to COVID restrictions across Alberta (the high number of daily cases was over 2000 during that time) but as of yesterday, July 1st, pretty much all restrictions have been lifted. It felt weird going to the Champion pop up market yesterday without a mask on. June seemed to go fairly fast. Mary had her kindergarten graduation on June 3. It was just a parade of vehicles that drove past the 10 little graduates at the champion school but there were probably 20 vehicles that joined the parade and so I think it was successful. I was the Champion kindergarten president this year and it was a hard year as the kindergarten is struggling financially. But we have worked so hard to fundraise this year and we have done our best. Mary will do kindergarten next year. Her birthday is in September and she is young. She did not really want to go to kindergarten this year and it was a bit of a fight at times so we are treating this year as a Pre-kindergarten and next year will be her year to shine! Caeleb and Elva did well in school. Caeleb just needs to continue working on his reading comprehension and Elva with her reading skills. They both do well in Math - they take after their daddy. 

Elva and Caeleb's last day of school was June 25th and we have been trying to survive the heat ever since. It has been in the high 30s for the last week or so. It is so hot, I have a hard time thinking and this blog post is hard to focus on. We did go to Bar U ranch with a friend on June 30th and hardly anyone else was there, most likely due to the heat. I love history and to explore old buildings and the kids seemed to enjoy the wagon ride. 

Yesterday was Mom's birthday and Canada day. We did not do much. We went to the pop up market in Champion and we picked up chinese food and had a watermelon cake for mom's birthday celebration. I took a picture of the kids in front of our Canada day shed. 

Today we had some friends over and we played in the barn and I had scripture study with my friend. She is of a different church but we study the Bible together and I am so glad we do. I learn a lot from her even if we have some different beliefs. Then I took the kids to the air conditioned church in town so they could play ball while I helped tidy up the primary room. And now, my brain is fried and my tongue is parched, so I will post this post and head downstairs for some water. Until next time!

Dear Chris - a little Father's Day note

Dear Chris,

You looked so peaceful this evening sleeping with Mary on one side and Selman on the other so

I didn't want to wake you up. Thank you for being such a wonderful dad to our kids.

I love to see you be a dad. Thank you for working hard to provide for our family. 

This last year was a difficult one for you with your job but you never complained. You worked so hard 

and went the extra mile by tutoring some kids at school and going in early and staying late to help 

your students. You have a true love of teaching others and you are so good at it. 

I know Heavenly Father will keep providing you with opportunities to teach.

I am excited about your new calling as second councellor in the Bishopric. 

I know without a doubt that it was inspired and I know that our family will learn and grow 

from this experience just as those around you will learn and grow and feel loved as you serve them. 

I believe in you. I love you.

Love Katherine 

Dear Dad,

I love you. I am so grateful that you are my father. I had the best childhood and it has everything to

do with how you and Mom raised me. Thank you for the simple but wonderful experiences I

had growing up. For the camping trips in our tent, to feeding the cows in the winter, to chicken 

killing day, to you having Camellia and I "blow out the lights" at bedtime when you came to
tuck us in, to seeing you all dirty after a long day in the fields (you worked so hard), to reading us stories 

and you falling asleep while reading them to us (tehehe), to riding horses with us, etc. etc. etc.

But  the thing I am most grateful for is your quiet but powerful testimony of the restored Gospel

of Jesus Christ. I feel the spirit every time I enter your home and I know it is because of the

way you and Mom have lived your life, centered in the gospel. You took such good care

of us while we were growing up, even in the most simple of ways and I 

am honored now to take care of you. I love you.

Love Katherine 

Dear Nathan

I want to say that I love you and am grateful that you are my brother. Even through your challenges in

life, you plug away trying your best as you put one foot in front of the other. I love to see your smile! 

It really is the best smile in the world. Thanks for your example of working hard. You work so hard and 

you are so smart and can fix anything! Thank you for being a good uncle to your nieces and nephews. 

They really do look up to you. I love you and am always here for you.

Love Katherine  

Dear Gary,

Thank you for raising such a wonderful son. I am grateful I get to be part of the Watters Family for eternity. 

Thank you for putting up with all of us when we come out to visit for two weeks each year. 

Thank you for your happy, positive attitude and that smile that lights up the room. We love you!

I am good enough...but I can always do a little bit better

Recently, I had a day where I really felt at peace with my life. I want to record this so that I can read it when I have those days where I do not feel like I am good enough. On that day, I felt good enough as a wife and mother. I felt that even though the battle with screen time is very real in our home, even though I get upset sometimes, even though my house is often a mess, there is always cleaning to be done and the laundry is hardly ever all put away, etc etc etc, I am enough as a wife and mother. I am where I am supposed to be (at home with my kids), doing what I am supposed to be doing (somedays that is the bare minimum -just trying to keep sane -but I do try to be a good mother and homemaker) and working through the struggles I am supposed to be working through. I am good enough.

The 4 older kids fought for a bit this morning. There was some hitting and screaming involved between them. But then they played well together while I cooked in the kitchen for about an hour and I loved hearing them laugh and have fun with their zombie game. Elizabeth played at my feet pulling plastic plates and cups out of the kids cupboard. Now they are watching the movie Bedtimes stories and I am fine with that. I hope that, even though there is quite the age range between them, they will always stay friends. And I hope they always stay close to their cousins. In a way, cousins can be like brothers and sisters too. 

Elva randomly gave me a challenge this morning. There is always room for improvement in my life and I suppose she has noticed my excess screen time as I check Instagram and Facebook daily (well, Instagram many times a day) and I like to blog or read other blogs as well. She challenged me to 5 weeks without Instagram, Facebook and blogging starting tomorrow. Then she challenged herself to 5 weeks without the Nintendo Switch, playing phone games and screaming (she screams sometimes when she is upset). I am impressed by Elva. She is still very much my little girl but I see her growing up little by little, developing more self awareness and self discipline each day. She is such an amazing young lady and she will turn out just fine! 

Let's see how the next 5 weeks go. I hope I use the extra time to read more scriptures and books, go to bed earlier and exercise more. See you then. Now I am off to either play with Selman as he wanting to play or maybe I can sneak in a nap for him and Elizabeth (and maybe me 😉). 

Happy Birthday Selman

Well our Selman turned 3 years old on March 10th. It was a simple but fun day. We had cereal for breakfast (which is a treat in our house), macaroni and cheese for lunch - with ketchup of course, and his favorite meal of chicken nuggets for supper. Then of course we had cake - green mini cupcakes and a yellow lego man face cake. And we had a Pikachu piñata.  He got magnetic building blocks and a playdough candy maker. We love you so much Selman! Your expressions, your smile, your fun happy personality. You are a thinker and we love to hear your little thoughts and ideas. I am so excited to see you grow into an incredible young man. Now, to work on potty training. Yah, not much success in that area  but we are trying most days. I am sure it will click sooner then later and then I will see the lights go on in your eyes, you will hold up your finger and say "I a idea" and it will be to go in the potty. Right Selman?

My Dad's birthday is on Tuesday and we celebrated last night by going to a yummy steak restaurant called the Silver Slate. Chris, Elizabeth and I rode in with Nathan in his nice new jeep and we met Camellia and Doug and Mom and Dad there. Oh, I love you Dad. I am so grateful you are my father. You have such a strong spirit and your quiet spiritual strength has helped me gain a strong testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I had the best childhood growing up because of the way you and Mom raised me. Thank you. I love you. 

I have been writing in my blog more than usual lately but I think I will put it away for a few weeks or months...maybe. I suppose Covid has been making me miss connecting with more people and for some reason I feel more connected when I write in my blog. When we first moved out here to the farm, I didn't realize that I would struggle connecting with people in the area. I have made some great friends in the community but I feel like the people in my ward kind of stick to themselves and their families. But that is ok. That is just the dynamics of the ward. They are still my ward family. Perhaps moving out here and Covid has made me realize that I am more of an extrovert than I originally thought. 

Anyways, life is wonderful. I am loving the Spring-ish weather and bbbbbbbbbbbbbbb (Selman is helping me type - hahahaha). I better go play with him. Until later. 

A Planner

I was talking to myself as I washed the floor this morning about life and what I want to plan for in the future. In a way, I am a planner or in the least a speculator about the future. I plan out different scenarios in my life and try to figure out what I would do or what would happen in each scenario.

 What if Chris died? What if I died? Who would take care of the kids? Well, Aunt Camellia and Uncle Doug of course - or Aunt Rachel and Uncle Eric as back up. Will there be enough from life insurance to help the kids? Chris would only get $200,000 if I died. He would pay off the mortgage, pay for Caeleb's braces ($8000 for braces - yikes!), use some money for the first year of being alone trying to make ends meet, maybe take the kids on a $6000 trip (disney/church history tour) and put some into savings. I don't know if there would be enough for all this and he would have to be frugal. He would get married again too. I hope she would take good care of the kids and Chris, love the farm, and make things work out on the farm.

But I don't plan on dying anytime soon. So, where will we live when we are older? What do we want for our children in the future? In  some ways, I don't plan very well. Especially when it concerns what is happening tomorrow or next week. For example, one of my kids was hard to drag out of bed for school the other day so I drove this child to school. When I got there, I saw that everyone was dressed up for a special events day at school and I had completely forgotten. Bad Mom moment. I was in tears when I left the school (though I later found out my kids had figured it out on their own and were just fine), and I got a big hug from a friend as we went on our walk which made me feel a lot better. She is so awesome. Anyways, I am forgetful and I don't plan for everything or write everything down on our calendar nor do I hardly ever do a to do list and in short, I AM NOT PERFECT - but no one is. 

I do like to plan for the future in other ways. I love where I live, on the farm, in my Grandma and Grandpa Smiths beautiful 100 year old brick home. I love my home! There is plenty to fix up still - the windows for instance are so old that I feel like I could crack them if I breath on them too hard. And they are very dirty and impossible to clean well. But, we hope to get new windows when we renew our mortgage in 3 years and we hope to finish the attic someday (I am very slowly working on mudding the drywall in the attic but I am so clueless and it looks horrible). Will I live here until I die? Maybe I will. But in reality, I would love it if one day (you know, when I am 60 or 65 and retired) one of my kids or one of Camellia's kids or one of Grandma and Grandpa Smith's decedents or perhaps any loving family took over this beautiful place to raise their family in this beloved, heritage family home. It is a perfect home for a growing family. And perhaps Chris and I will move to Champion or Vulcan (I can see us in a small apartment in Champion or Vulcan someday). And if the day comes where I have dementia or another disease where I cant take care of myself anymore, I hope I can proactively go live at Extendicare in Vulcan or somewhere where my kids can visit me and maybe take me on an outing every month or so. I hope they will do up my room with a comfy single bed, warm and cozy blankets, a nice comfy chair that I can rest in, books to read, a TV to watch, a picture of the Savior, a picture of my family and picture of the farm on the wall, and maybe even a Thomas Kincade picture of a house that will fuel my imagination if I still have one (he is my favourite painter - I love his cozy houses). Life can still be beautiful then. 

 I want my kids to know that it is ok when the time comes for me to live in a lodge or nursing home. I will be fine! It is just part of life. 

Of course there will be the specifics when the time comes to move on in life - do we sell the house to the kids (I mean there will always be work and money that needs to go into this house and that alone will cost a lot for whoever lives here)? For how much do we sell it? How will we make it fair to our other family members? Maybe some of the money that is made by selling the house at a fair price can be used to help the other kids in our family to make things fair? I do not want there to be family arguments! I should not worry too much about these things now. But I think about them sometimes and it does not hurt to plan. I have seen how not having a clear plan hurts families. 

A theoretical plan would be, if one of Mom and Dad's 10 Grandchildren takes over the Quarter section, he or she could pay a rent to own to the other 4 children and us (5  payments) a monthly payment of $250 (x5 = $1250 a month) over 25 years. Then the bank would not have to get involved for a mortgage and take thousands of dollars in interest. Or, if someone ends up selling the quarter section with the houses to a nice family, and the 1/2 section of crop to a farmer, the rest of the family could establish a co-op to the remaining 1/4 section of land by the Coulee in the NW part of the farm. A little getaway cottage could be built there for family use and memories sake. These are just thoughts. 

I want my kids to realize this is about equity, not equality. Who does it make sense to have the land go to? Not what is fair! It made sense for my Dad to live here as he farmed the land. He had no other income and now we know more than ever that this land was a huge blessing in his life. Which of my kids or Camellias kids or someone else will it make sense to own the farm someday? I hope that my kids will pray about this and make decisions in love and understanding. 

I used to wonder why people moved/downsized to a smaller place when they got older but now I absolutely know why and I admire people for downsizing. Chris and I always have had the thought that we should just have what we need when it comes to housing and vehicles. When we were first married, we only needed to rent a small, one bedroom apartment (oh how I loved that first year we were married living on the 13th floor of an old Calgary apartment building). When we bought a house, we needed a small starter home in Calgary for us and our 2 kids and when our family grew, the brick house became the blessing we needed to fit our growing family. When we are older and it is just the two of us, what do we really need? If one of the kids buys the brick house, we can have our family get togethers here on the farm. And really, in any circumstance we can work things out and stay close to family. But I hope as I grow older, I can have the courage and ability to simplify my life even further. I think it will make moving onto the next life a bit easier. 

As for now, I feel like I have resolved to working as a nurse till Chris retires. Of course those plans could change too. What if I am injured or become sick? What if Chris is injured or becomes sick? Etc, etc, etc. But I undoubtedly feel blessed for my job as a nurse. Chris is almost 6 years older then me and he started his teaching career later in life. Maybe he will retire when he is 65, almost 66, maybe a bit older. Maybe he will substitute after that. Maybe I will retire when I am 60. Maybe I will work part time until I am 55 or so and then work full time for a few years (I kind of would like to be a nurse clinician for a few years  or have a more Monday - Friday nursing office type job). Maybe I will work casual or part time after Chris retires. Who knows. I just hope and pray that I can be there for my family in any way that I can be and that I will do well with the work/family life balance. And I know we should prepare and plan where we can and then be ok with whatever life throws at us. After all, the main thing is to do your part, work hard, keep priorities straight and trust in the Lord that everything will be ok. 

Halfway point

I was just thinking about where I am at on my Maternity leave and I am about at the halfway point this week. I will go back to work end of December or beginning of January. It is crazy how fast time goes but am I ever glad I get the opportunity to have 18 months off. Elizabeth is almost 9 months old and I feel like she is growing up faster then any of the other kids did. I am just starting to feel like I am getting the hang of being a stay at home mom (I mean always at home) this maternity leave ( I actually did well cleaning the house and getting it ready for Sunday last Saturday and I am doing well this week at staying on top of Laundry - not like that all matters, it is the kids that matter). I really don't think being a mother has come naturally to me but I am trying and I will continue to try and I love being at home with my kids. And even though being a mother is challenging for me, I would have more children if I could and if it made sense too (and perhaps it doesn't make sense too). It seems that after each of our babies is born, I want to grow my family even more. Even with all the faults Chris and I have, I believe we are working on establishing a loving home where the spirit can dwell and children can thrive. I am very blessed to have the family I have and I wish others could have what I have. I do believe that in the eternities our families will continue to grow and that means I, and other women who desire it, will be mothers to many many more children.  That thought makes me hopeful and happy, not just for myself, but for other women. I know of the Devine role of a mother. 

 Yesterday I made paper boats for Mary and Selman and we went outside searching for a puddle to float them in but there was none to be found. Last week we had such fun one day jumping in muddy puddles. Anyways, yesterday we ended up playing in a rock pile and working to move the rocks to another location with the help of Nana and Papa.

I just wanted to say some things about Selman as I feel like I haven't talked about him in a while. I love my little Selman! And he is not so little. He will be 3 TOMMORROW! I love the expressions he makes and the things he says. It is sometimes hard to understand him as he started talking a little later and is still learning but he is a chatter box now and we love listening to him. He loves to laugh and I can tell he is going to be a jokester like his brother. I LOVE IT when that light goes on in his eyes and he points his little finger up when he has an idea and says "I an idea." He is an early bird and is always up anywhere from 5:00 to 6:00 while the others sleep at least until 6:30. I would probably sleep till 8:00 these days if no one woke me up but I guess this is good for me? Selman loves lego and dinosaurs, mario (he wants to play video games like his siblings, and playing anything the others play. He is not that into books so I feel grateful that we are doing Bedtime stories online each Monday evening and he does well listening to the books with the instructor. I need to read more to my kids - it is sometimes hard to find a book everyone wants to listen too. Selman still likes to nap almost every day (the others were off there naps by this time I believe) and he loves cuddles - he is very much my cuddly boy and that is ok. 

Well, I will write about his birthday in a few days or so. It is an eerie foggy morning and I like those mornings when I can stay home and bake (Selman's cake) and feel the warmth of the stove and hear the sound of the dryer going. Life is good!

Turning to the Temple

I was having a bit of a hard evening this last Friday. Just feeling down. We all have down days. I decided instead of home date night with Chris (we usually watch a movie or play a game on Friday after the kids go to bed), I would go to bed early. I figured he would play video games for a few hours and then go to bed. While I was lying in bed, I was thinking about how I wanted to write a blog entry about how much I dislike video games. They are a big thing in our home and I struggle with it, especially knowing how to control it and feeling like I have to compete with it (as silly as it sounds, I honestly struggle with comparing myself too and feeling like I am not as important as a video game). I don't play video games (just with the kids sometimes) as I am not really a fan but I have to admit that I liked solitaire, an Indiana Jones demo game and a few other games on our family computer when I was growing up. I also liked playing Nintendo when I went to my cousins house and we would rent a gaming system at times when we were teenagers and play Need for Speed and that was a blast playing with Nathan and Camellia. So I have had my video game moments. And I know that there are video games that are good for the mind by building critical thinking skills, etc (Chris plays those games). My screen time struggle is probably Instagram (it was Facebook but I don't do Facebook as much now). And I like reading other blogs and writing in my own. I guess I like to feel connected to people and that is how I try to connect. I have even debated on writing an old nursing manager, who seemed to hate me and think I was the dumbest nurse at the time, because I want to build a connection with her that will perhaps take my bitter and hurt feelings away. But I will wait for the eternities to make things right there and I trust that they will be made right. I guess I just want to understand her and perhaps be a friend. 

 Anyways, once Chris put Elizabeth to sleep, he came and found me lying in bed and we had a great talk for about an hour. We talked about life and feelings and then we talked about the temple and it was a good talk. Then I got thinking that I should write a positive post and the Temple came to my mind. 

I love the Temple! I miss going there. I think the last time we went there was for our 10th anniversary almost a year and a half ago but we have not been since due to COVID closures. When I enter the doors of the temple, I feel such a peace and calm. It is like the worries of the world just melt away. I feel so close to Heaven when I am there. I am grateful for how important family history is to the church and that we can connect with people who have died by doing work for them in the temple. So many people have died and did not have the chance to learn of God and accept the atonement of the Savior and understand the fullness of the Gospel in their lives but the Temple allows for us to reach out to those people and help them along so that everyone can have the chance to return to God's presence someday. The temple in not about exclusion. It is about inclusion! Going there is not for "show", it is to sincerely do what we can do to help our dear ancestors and all who have passed on to be saved. Heavenly Father wants everyone to be saved and come back to his presence. He is a loving Heavenly Father after all. We accept the Savior's atonement by following his example which includes baptism (as he was baptized) and since many were not baptized in this life, God makes available to everyone the chance to be baptized by the correct authority. This gives me such joy and hope! People are not "excluded" from the temple, they just need to prepare to go there in a way so that the Spirit can reside there. I am grateful to be sealed to my husband and to my family (my mom, dad, sister, brother, uncles, aunts, cousins, etc) for all eternity. To know that what we are building here can last forever! Chris and I are not perfect and neither is our relationship but what we are trying build is not till death do us part... it is for time and ALL eternity and it gives me joy and hope to know that we can keep working on these relationships after we die). The temple is a blessing in my life and I hope that I can go there soon. I want my children to know how much I love the Temple and how I want them to prepare themselves to go there someday. I best go now. Elizabeth is demanding my attention but the other kids are tucked snuggly into their own beds (well, I guess Mary chose our bed to sleep tonight). 

Christmas 2020 and New Year 2021

We had a lovely Christmas season this last year. Because of the tightening of  covid restrictions in later  November (new cases were up to 1800/day), we were not able to go down to the Nelsons to get a Christmas tree (we try to go every other year). However, I did meet Camellia in Lethbridge I believe December 1 when I took Elva out for her birthday and we tied 2 trees they got from the hills (one for Mom and Dad) onto the van to bring home. We decorated the tree that evening while eating appetizers for supper, listening to Christmas music and then watched a bit of the Polar Express while drinking hot chocolate. Such a good evening and the tree looked beautiful. The best trees come from those hills. It was not dry at all. I remember last year I was feeling so pregnant sick that I just sent Chris with the kids to get a tree from the Vulcan store while I cuddled up on the couch and watched a movie with Selman. 

Chris taught from home the week before Christmas break as the new covid restrictions had Junior High students and above do classes from home. I enjoyed having him home. 

The Saturday before Christmas, we drove to Lethbridge to get some last minute shopping done. Afterwards, we drove to the Porcupine Hills west of Claresholm so that I could show the kids where my Nana and Papa always took us "tree hunting" when we were young. I loved those days. The last time we did that was when Chris and I just got married. Then we joined Mom and Dad, the Nelsons and Nathan in Claresholm to drive around and look at Christmas lights and so the Nelsons could see Nathan's new beautiful white jeep. 

The first week of Christmas break was spent going sledding a few days with my friend and her son on their nearby property. There was a blizzard a few days before Christmas so we did not go that day. The day before Christmas eve we went sledding and then into Champion to get the mail and pick up a couple of last minute things. 

On Thursday Christmas Eve, we walked across the yard to my Mom and Dads for Christmas eve appetizers and Nathan joined us for that. This is a tradition but I think next year we may do what Chris does in his family and have our turkey dinner on Christmas eve and eat left overs on Christmas day. We did a facetime Nativity with the Nelsons. They were the Shepards and Wisemen. Elva was Mary, Lizzy was baby Jesus, Selman was Joseph, Caeleb was a shepard and Mary was an Angel. And Papa read the story. It was a bit complicated trying to do our family Christmas eve program together over facetime but it went pretty well. Elva and Mary did a Highland dance to Christmas bagpipe music and Sterling and his Grandma Marylou played a duet on the piano. 

We came home and scattered oatmeal reindeer food over the snow by our place. Then we put the kids to bed at about 9:00 PM after leaving sugar and oatmeal cookies and milk for Santa.  As excited as they were, the kids feel asleep pretty fast but Caeleb woke up at around 1100 with a bloody nose. He then settleD upstairs in our bed and I slept in his bed with Lizzy.

The kids were awake about 6:00 and then they came downstairs about 7:00 to see what Santa left in their stockings. There was a bunch of little goodies, polly pockets for the girls, magic tricks, a game called Sushi Go for Caeleb, candy and kinder surprise eggs. Santa left some goodies for Mom and Dad, Nana and Papa and uncle Nathan too

Nana, Papa and Uncle Nathan came over at 8:00 for a breakfast of cracked wheat, whipped cream and berries. Yummy! Then we opened gifts. We were spoiled again but not as much as last year and I am hoping and expecting that next year will be a humble Christmas which will be good for us. The girls got flying fairies from Santa, Caeleb got a flying golden snitch and Selman got a remote control car (he is all about holding a remote). And Elizabeth got baby food and little colorful boats she can chew on. We got a couple of weighted blankets from Mom and Dad Smith and Chris has LOVED his! We got a game called Machi Koro, individualized Christmas tree ornaments (a tradition and a highlight of our Christmas) and other fun things from LouAnn (who had our name for Christmas this year). The girls were into LOL dolls and got some things for that and they all got nerf guns. Mary really wanted a live lizard but she got a fake one that moves so that will do for now. We gave the Nelsons a game and we had Nathaniel's families name for Christmas so we gave them a game and some toys for their kids. I felt like we got too much but it was not as overwhelming as last year. We had a turkey dinner on Christmas day and spent the next week just chilling at home, watching movies, playing games and I took the kids skating a few times in Champion. We ordered Chinese food from the Champion restaurant for New Years Eve and then watched a movie with the kids while they fell asleep in the living room. Chris, Lizzy and I made it till Midnight. I was up early with Selman to see the sunrise on New Years day and it was beautiful! I think that means it will be a wonderful year. It was nice to have a relaxing two weeks without school for Chris and the kids and I am so happy to be on maternity leave and not have to work during the holidays. 

The kids did online school for the first week back from Christmas break and Chris taught online in his home office. This was of course due to covid. Now it is the first day of March and there are still restrictions due to covid but at lease we can meet people outside now. This whole thing seems to be getting old but I know there are reasons for the restrictions and I count my blessings that we are healthy and safe. I pray for those who are struggling. I think the restrictions may be on and off for another year or so but I think there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. 

My goals for this year are similar to last year. Maybe I will do better on them this year. I want to keep spiritually fed and this year I have decided that I will only listen to spiritual messages like the scriptures or conference before 1200 noon every day. I also am trying a keto diet but have not been too successful yet. I think I would rather do a whole 30 like I did 2 years ago. I still have about 5 pounds to go to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight (it gets harder to lose weight after each pregnancy) which is fine but I will continue to work on it. Mary and Elva have been taking a Highland Dancing class since October and I decided to do one as well so on Thursdays evenings I work up a sweat with an online dance class and I quite enjoy it. It makes me want to take the girls to Scotland. I have always loved bagpipe music. 

Elva's baptism was Saturday January 30th. I sewed her dress with the help of Mom and Camellia sewed some too. Elva was so ready and wanted to get baptized in December but we waited to have it hoping that more people could come (we were only allowed one family due to covid). We finally decided to go ahead and had the Nelsons join us in person and we had about 20 or more people join us through zoom which was just awesome! Chris' parents and most of his siblings came on zoom and my Selman cousins and Aunts and Uncles were there and some of Elva's friends and Primary leaders. Elva did her own hair and she looked beautiful in her baptism dress. I did the talk on Baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost. Chris baptized and confirmed her. Then we had the Nelsons, Mom and Dad and Nathan for supper after. Elva wanted hamburgers and donuts. Elva is a beautiful little girl who is going to do great things in life. She is a little mom to her brothers and sisters. She is perceptive and understands spiritual and secular things. And she is a great friend to everyone! We love you Elva!

Chris and I watched Breakfast at Tiffany's to celebrate Valentines day. We had a good laugh because we didn't really like it but we do like the song Breakfast at Tiffanys (Jared plays it on his guitar), so I have been signing the song "Breakfast at Tiffany's" but I sing it like "and I said what about Breakfast at Tiffany's, he said I think I remember the film and as I recall I think we both DIDN'T like it, and I said well that's one thing we've got." I guess Chris and I do have some things in common 😘😘

Elizabeth has lived up to her nickname "busy Lizzy." When she came home from the hospital at less then a day old, the kids had done up a sign WELCOME HOME BUSY LIZZY. Well she has been army crawling since 5 months, crawling well since a little after 6 months old, getting up to a standing position using furniture since about 7 months and for the last week or so (since 8 months old) she has been cruising a little on the furniture or on me or Chris. Although she is very mobile, the kids like to kart her around and she puts up with a lot of rough love from her brothers and sisters. She is a good baby and loves to pose (yes pose!) and smile for the camera. She also loves to eat and does well at picking up little broken up pieces of food like banana and cheese. She likes most food and I try to mush up or baby bullet the food we have at supper to give her. She started eating solids on Christmas day and started with plain rice cereal but eats most things now. 

Lizzy gave us a scare the other day. For the last two weeks, at times when she cries she will not take a breath for the longest time. On Saturday, she cried because Chris was changing her diaper and she was not taking that breath and turned purple, her eyes rolled back and she went limp. I guess she fainted. She came too after a few seconds but was tired after so I took her to Emerg. She was fine (the doctor called it a BRUE?) and I guess some kids do this type of thing but it was the first time I have experienced it with my kids so it was scary. She almost did the same thing on Sunday too but she did not faint, her eyes just glazed over. Oh silly girl. Stop scaring your mommy! I made an appointment for a check up with our doctor for next week. 

Life is not too busy right now except for being home with the 3 youngest (Mary has Kindergarten on Tuesday and Thursdays) and they always keep me busy at home. I also am able to be at the crossroads of the older kid's life when they leave and come home from school which I love. I want to be there for them. I play with the little ones at home during the day and I get some housework done - though I never am on top of laundry or anything really). I go for a walk with a friend using my Chariot to push the littles, once or twice a week. The girls have dance on Monday evening and Caeleb and Elva take piano lessons via facetime with their Grandma LouAnn on Wednesdays (she is an awesome teacher). Times for Rhymes is online for Selman and Lizzy on Thursday mornings from 1000-1100 and I do my online dance class on Thursday evenings. We go to church on Sundays. Other then that, life is simple and I love it this way. Except I could use a mini vacation - to the zoo or to a museum or to a hotel for a night or to the hills/mountains to do a hike or to go to a Calgary park/walking path or even Ikea would be nice as well. I do like getaways every now and then. Well, that's it for now. Until next time.