A complicated world and the hope of the Savior.

Lizzy is having a nap on the bed so I am going to write. When I went to help Dad this morning, Mom and I got talking about the state of the world. It seems like we live in such a complicated world. I was watching the movie called "sweet land" the other night which paints a picture of a young couple in the early 1900s who lived on a farm, lived a simple life and worked together day after day planting, harvesting and maintaining their farm. It was such an appealing movie, and I love that my parents have been able to spend almost 50 years together working their farm (and yard and now enjoying a simple retirement of sorts -well Mom still works hard in the yard). 

I have to work this evening. Work has been bugging me almost daily for the last few weeks to work. I had it good for a while (the last 6 to 9 months) where they were not bugging me as much. But we have lost a lot of staff in the last month, so... they get desperate. Nathan will watch Lizzy for an hour to cover the gap between me leaving and Chris getting home and I will pay him a little. I love to watch him be an uncle! But... I won't see Chris this evening or the kids. 

I watched a little clip on Instagram just now about "the two income trap" and how past generations did not see this trap coming. We live in a world, where, unless you make $150000 a year or more (doctor, lawyer, successful business owner, financial investment planner, etc), it seems to be hard to pay for a mortgage, food, family, etc. And that is living a modest lifestyle too! Please tell me, am I right or am I missing something? We live a modest life style and both Chris and I work. It is hard to make ends meet for us as I just work part time. I do have to say though, that we just got back alot in tax return so we are feeling very blessed as we save for buying a newer vehicle a few years from now (we drive ours into the ground). 

Years ago, there was the "women's movement", where mothers wanted to work outside the home, and it created a snowball effect where the more money made in a family, the more prices increased, making it necessary to make even more money in a family. Chris just told me (yes, he texted me while he was at work and I was so excited about it), that he thinks this is why previous prophets in the church told mothers to stay in the home. It hit me like a ton of bricks. THAT was revelation! The world did not listen. So now women are paying the consequences for it, with an increase in the workload and pressure for women trying to do it all, men being confused or lazy and not keeping up to increased responsibilities to help out in the home because they do not multi task as well as women in general, increased MENTAL health issues, AND an increase in women led divorce rates. It is so sad to me! 

So, Mom said this morning, "Maybe the Savior will come soon." I am excited for General Conference this weekend (I can watch 4 out of the 5 sessions - yeah!! but I have to work Sunday afternoon - booo). I hope we learn more about what we can do to prepare for the Savior's coming. I hope it is soon!

PS. Something else on my mind. I wrote this email in October of 2017. It is interesting to go through past emails or letters to see if perspective has or has not changed. We had a lot of stresses then and we still do. BUT! Reading this email has taught me that even though we all have many stresses throughout life, we do not need to give up. We can have many good times too! It is important to keep plugging away through it all. Developing faith and gaining experience is what life is about and I can tell by reading this email, that I have developed more faith, gained more experience and had an increase in capacity to handle more on my plate throughout the last 7 and a half years.  That being said, although I am naturally a pessimist/realist, I choose to feel confident that Chris will get a permanent contract for Vulcan this Spring! It has been a hard year for him, but I think he will be ok. I feel happy when I choose to be optimistic. 

Hello family,

I can not sleep as I am thinking so much and I figured that I should record my honest thoughts. As Mom, Dad and Chris know, I had a horrible day at work. I really struggle with my job and the tough experiences that I have there make me anxious to keep going to work. I want so much to be a good nurse but I really struggle and please don't pretend that I don't. I know I go through my ups and downs but I am always anxious to go to work and even though I only work 2 days a week, it is constantly weighing me down. And as all of you know, I take this anxiety/stress out on all of my family and create a not so happy home. I don't want that for anyone!!!

I have been feeling at my limit these days. I feel like I have a husband that depends on my income to make ends meet and provide  for his hobbies. I have 3 kids that need me to hold it together and keep this household running smoothly and keep the spirit in the home, I have a baby on the way and I feel like I am solely responsible for the safety and health of this little one and I worry that my stress can effect him. And I want him to come into a loving secure home! (I worry about my brother who is with us...and these cats we are taking care of for a friend add to the stress). I feel so weighed down!

But what may be surprising to you is that the thought of the future only adds to this stress. I know I need to be more optimistic but when I look into the future, I see more and more stress. I see us fixing up Grandma's house and having a big rent/mortgage to pay as well as making sure it is done right so that we are not faced with more debt because of big future fix ups. And will we be good enough tenants for Mom and Dad. Will we be able to make things work with them?  And then we will be paying off a $42000 student loan. We will need 2 vehicles on the farm as well as there is no transit and I know Mom and Dad always had 2 vehicles. And as our kids get older, their financial and emotional needs will increase and I want to be a strong support to them!   Initially Mom did not seem to be happy that I was pregnant (I think she thought I was irresponsible at having a 4th kid while Chris was in school) and sometimes I let myself think that she was right. 

I see a complicated life, where Chris is subbing because we live at the farm and he is having trouble finding a permanent or even temporary job in the area. And I will once again be needing to make up the difference by working as a Nurse. And where will I work? Will I continue to commute to my current job even though I am stressed out already and a long commute may add to that stress. Would I really do well at the Vulcan hospital because I cringe when I think about working as a Nurse in a community that knows me. Should I loose my status with AHS and work for the Extendicare which is not apart of AHS and is not unionized. 

A big part of me just wants to go wherever Chris finds a good secure job even if it is way up in northern BC. But I also want to be here for my family! I would love to see Grandma's house fixed up but sometimes I think that it would be great if anyone lived in it (not just us). And as mom says, it is just a house. I am torn! I am scared of the future. I know I need more faith!!! It scares me that in my marriage, I have been the one to make things work out financially. It is going to continue to be like that? 

More than anything I want to be a good mother and wife living a simple life, strong in the gospel, keeping the spirit in my home, finding that I am no longer at my limit but that I once again have the strength to serve and love without limit. I am humbled to say that I can not cope well these days and that it affects my family - every single one of you! I am so sorry about that! I don't really know what else to say. I can't think of any solutions right now. I know that I need to trust in the Lord, knowing that everything will work out and that I will look back on life and wonder why I thought it was such a big deal. 

And so I just plug along with my anxiety and stress and I feel like crying much of the time, and feel on edge much of the time. I just feel down. Sharing my feelings has helped lift some of this weight tonight. I hope it does not stress you out too much. 

Anyways, thanks for reading,

Love Katherine 

Perspective

I am just sitting at Southpoint Honda in Calgary waiting for our lemon of an Odessy van to get some recalled parts switched and the brakes looked at. Vehicles are such a money sink hole. Never a good investment.

There are no kids running around me as they are all at school. It is hard to believe I am at that stage. I miss it! But I am enjoying some time to sit and think. I even went for an hour walk to Woody's RV and back. It would have been fun for Chris to be here for that. We like to imagine ourselves in an RV. Not sure that will ever become a reality which is totally fine. But RV "shopping" is a fun date idea and it was such a blessing to do our cheap(ish) RV trip last summer. 

I am thinking about perspective. I often tell Chris that I have lost perspective. I get caught up in how life was "supposed to be." I was so naive when I got married. We were going to live a simple life, I would be at home with the kids (maybe working 1 day a week), we would have one vehicle, a modest home, and as many kids as the Lord would give us. We would live the traditional life and it would be all sunshine and rainbows 😆. Like I said, I was naive but full of hope and faith as well.

Life is all about making decisions, easy and hard, and it has led us down a road where we have a mortgage + a home that will require thousands of dollars in fix ups (for the basement), vehicles that require hundreds or thousands of dollars in repairs and we are fighting against the mentality of a rat race society where neighbors and co-workers are constantly buying newer vehicles or toys or going on vacations. I am looking at these new vehicles here at Honda. How the heck do people afford a new vehicle? ($75,000). We can hardly make ends meet and I don't even understand why. 

An important decision to make is to be happy with what you have. Even still, everything is getting more expensive and it is getting harder for the moderate family income to make ends meet. Chris' full time work and my 2 days a week + picking up some extra shifts and working many stat holidays, doesn't seem to be cutting it. That being said, I have been considering working full time in a few years and have been doing the thought experiment in figuring out the dynamics of it. I have a co-worker with a pretty good line (only 6 evenings out of 19 shifts every 4 weeks) who will retire in a few years and I could work her line. But...how would the kids do after school activities? How would I be at the cross roads of their lives? How would I spend my 25 to 30 days of vacation a year? I think I could do it but it would be hard. So many people do it! I have been so blessed with the job I have and will always think it was sent to me from Heaven. 

I think of my kids future. Chances are, they and their spouses will be working full time trying to make ends meet as the economy spins out of control. Maybe we will have to establish a Watters Smith colony at the farm to help house our posterity 😆. Maybe the second coming will happen. Chris and Doug have been talking about that. 

I guess we just need to do the best we can, work hard, build up a food and water storage, try to keep a balanced lifestyle while striving to live within our means and being willing to save and sacrifice, all while keeping an eternal perspective. In my opinion, an eternal perspective is the best perspective to have: To know we are living for something more and beyond this life. I hope I can keep that perspective everyday. 

Keeping an eternal perspective is a wonderful blessing. 

Christmas 2024 and beginning 2025

I am not feeling overly motivated to write today but I am hearing the kids play playmobile (they got a pirate set for Christmas) in the background and they are laughing and having so much fun, and I have to get that in writing so I can remember it. They are all playing except for Selman who is next door visiting Nana and Papa. I love my kids so much. We are trying for no screen day Fridays and Caeleb and Elva are like a little Dad and Mom trying to enforce it and they took initiative to play with the others today. 

Elva and I had an outing this morning just the 2 of us. I had to have my yearly check up with Dr. Hudson and Elva came along with me. We shopped for groceries after and went to the little bakery in Vulcan for a pastry and apple cider.  

So, back up a couple of months. Mary and I dropped Louann off at the airport Nov 29th and then we went shopping at the busy south center mall. We made the spontaneous decision to have Mary get her ears pierced as Elva was 9 when she got hers done. She looked beautiful with them on but unfortunately has had infection after infection since (one ear even swallowed up an earing) and so they are out now. Maybe one day she can do that again. 

I bought our Christmas tree from the Nanton scouts after my day shift on November 30th. We were really wanting to get it in the hills behind Claresholm this year as it has been 3 years since the one time we went, but since I work 2 weekends out of 4, it is always hard to find a time to go to the hills. We decorated the tree after church on Dec 1st and then watched The Polar Express while drinking hot chocolate as per tradition. 

Elvas birthday was Dec 3 and on the 5th, Amber Puzey, Lindsey and a few others went to see Wicked with Elva. We loved it and she has been singing the songs from it ever since. I sure love my mini me Elva, who loves to sing and study. Except she is a little mom to the others, and I was not that way when I was her age as I was the baby. 

Christmas was beautiful this year, like always, except that we all got the Flu. I only got the tail end of it, 2 days after boxing day, but still worked 5 days in a row (just wore a mask). Mary, Caeleb and Selman got it the last week of school and Mary and Selman were so sick they had to miss the school Christmas concert and the Ward party. Elva was amazing at the school concert. She had to memorize many lines to be the wicked witch of the northwest for their play "the Wizard of oz and Christmas." They all did a great job! Camellia and Doug came to the ward party on Friday with their family and we had a yummy roast and entertainment including a visit from santa. After my Saturday day shift (Camellia joined me at work so she could work on her OT charting), we had a ham dinner at Nana and Papas and the 10 grandkids did the nativity in their living room. Elva and Elizabeth got the flu that weekend and I was the only one to go to church in our family on the 22nd. I sang a duet with Myrna Puzey (Star Bright) in sacrament meeting and then I went to work for an evening shift. 

We did graham cracker houses on Dec 23 (Monday) as I got the day off of work. Didn't have much candy to put on them but the kids had lots of fun and we displayed them on our puzzle table in the living room. We had a delicious Christmas Eve Turkey dinner at Mom and Dads on the Tuesday at 4:00 pm. Chris does a great job on the Turkey. Then we watched Mr. Krugers Christmas and Mr. Beans Christmas. After we came back to our house, the kids went to bed really quickly (listening to "twas the night before christmas" mouse version that I listened to when I was young) and were probably all asleep by 9:00. Chris and I watched a couple of Christmas movies after and were up till midnight. Kids were in the living room at 0700 on Christmas morning to open stockings. We ate our traditional Cracked wheat for Christmas breakfast and then went to Mom and Dads at 0915 to open gifts which took until 1030. It was fun to have a cozy fire in the fireplace to burn the wrapping paper.  The kids each had another kid to buy for this year. Chris and I got them each a bin to put their belongings in and in that bin was a nerf gun. And Santa delivered a gift to each as well. Barbie motorhome, doll trailer and calico creature stuff for Lizzy and Mary, video game (mario odessy) for Selman, Nerf gun for Caeleb and cowgirl boots for Elva. Nathan joined us for Christmas eve and Christmas morning, and he got the biggest gift of all. A new computer. I hope it helps him to be happy. 

I worked boxing day, short shifted to a day shift the next day, worked 3 shifts after that and New Years day evening (I like to pick up holidays for the overtime money). In total, I worked 8 shifts during those 2 weeks the kids had off. It was manageable. We enjoyed New years eve playing boared games at our place with a friend from 2:00 pm until almost 10:00 pm. We celebrated at 10:00 with glow sticks and sparklers. Then she and her girls went home while we watched the movie Muppets Christmas and the movie New Years Eve. Elva, Caeleb and Mary stayed up till midnight while Selman and Lizzy fell asleep on the floor. We had Eric and Rachel and their girls over on New Years day for crepes before I went to work and then we went for a night away with Nana and Papa and the Nelsons at the Lethbridge hotel/wave pool on Jan 2nd to 3rd. I took the kids to the Nelsons for Jan 3rd to 4th after Chris and I did an epic start of the year $2000 Costco trip (which he drove home and put away).  I went to the temple with my friend Lindsey on Jan 4th. 

It was hard for the kids to go back to school (especially Mary who had 3 weeks off since she was sick), but we are getting into a routine again, complete with curling on Tuesdays for Elva, skating on Wednesdays for Selman and Lizzy + singing for Elva + chess club for Mary +YW/YM for Caeleb and Elva. Wednesday is our busiest day! Then Thursday after school is mentorship for Selman and Mary and Friday is piano for Caeleb and Selman. 

Last weekend Nana and Papa took Selman and Lizzy to the Nelsons and after I worked the Saturday day shift, I picked up Elva from a birthday party in Vulcan, picked up Caeleb and Mary from piano in Champion (Mary has only had a few lessons) and then we went to Lethbridge so Caeleb and Elva could see a Kodiaks basketball game with the Champion youth while Mary and I went to see Moana 2 at the theater. Afterwards we joined the others at the game. It was fun but we didn't get home until 1115 pm and I had to work a day shift the next day as well. Busy, Busy. 

Life is busy but good. At times I feel overwhelmed, but I feel so blessed that I have the capacity to cope with being busy.