I know I need to update, but...

I know it is time to update the blog about birthdays, Autumn, Anniversary and Christmas but I am emotionally exhausted right now ( at 9:25 at night) and the rest of my family are asleep so I think I may go join them. It was a good Christmas but I worked 7 out of the 16 days that the kids and Chris had off and for some reason if felt like work took up most of my time after Christmas. So nothing was done around the house. But we did get down to Camellia and Doug's house for a few days after Christmas so that was fun. And we went to the neighbors skating party on New Years Day and we went tubing behind the neighbors quad on another day so we had fun. Nothing else really got down over the holidays - just a bunch of video gaming for Chris and the kids (we got a Nintendo Switch for Christmas) and Movie watching (Finished the Avengers series). I just wanted to vent my feelings right now. Most of the shifts that I work are evenings and I have been struggling to find balance between home life and work. I get to bed at 1:00 in the morning and wake up tired at 6:45 to get the kids and Chris off to school. I only work 12-14 shifts a month in total but it feels like too much for me and I often feel like a failure as a Mom. I feel like I have always had to be the one to focus on and make up the difference financially, spiritually, emotionally, etc in the last 10 years and at times I feel so overwhelmed and so alone and inadequate. I want to do well with scripture study and try to do so with the kids before they go to school as well as do Come Follow Me after school on the days that I don't work. I have not been feeling physically well since the beginning of November and have not been cooking balanced meals for my family or exercising, or leading my family well in scripture study and such. And I have been quick to get upset. And I have noticed that Selman's teeth are not doing well and neither are Caelebs. I know this post is negative and perhaps I should not vent here but I do know that it is good to talk things out and right now, I feel like this computer is who I can "talk" (write) too. I need to write it out and by doing so, write the positive as well and some possible solutions. I know that I need to have more faith in life even though through the last 10 years I have struggled to have faith in certain things (not spiritual things - more like family things). But I do have my New Years goals and one is to demonstrate more faith. I am going to quit my job at the Rockyview (I will continue my 2 day a week at the Mental Health Hospital in Claresholm). I have been there for more than 10 years and through all the struggles, anxieties and tears that I have had while working there, I have also met amazing people and had many amazing experiences and it has helped me grow so much. I only pick up 2-4 shifts a month now at the Rockyview but I find that I am starting to fall asleep on the 1.5 hour drives there and back and it takes a lot of my time and energy away from my family. It will be an act of faith to give up that job as job security is not a sure thing with Healthcare and Teaching at this time in Alberta but I know I need to have that little bit of faith. I know we will be blessed. I also want to keep a spiritual/scripture journal as I read my scriptures (I want to be more spiritually in tune). I want to make my home a Heaven on Earth by keeping it clean, tidy and simple (and having soft beautiful music playing at times). I want to keep a Veggie box in the fridge so that my family can get healthy options to eat. I want to keep on top of my Laundry (I was starting to do well at this before I started feeling sick). I want to keep electronics out of bedrooms. And I want to start eating a modified Ketoish diet with some cheat days. I want to do better with Family Home Evening and Scripture study (scriptures before school and Come Follow Me after school). I want to be a better Mother - I want to listen more to my kids and just be there for them and be in tuned to them. I want to just hold them more and not to be rushed when around them (except that is hard when getting them out the door for school and church). I hope those other goals with help with that last goal. Well, those are my goals. It will be a good year! I will think positive now and believe that it will be the best one yet!. I am listening to a pretty song by One Voice Childrens Choir called "I'm not Broken" right now and it is making me feel better. I have been so blessed in life.