Rollercoaster ride of the PICU

Our beautiful little girl is in the ICU at the Calgary children's hospital since Sunday May 1oth - almost 6 whole days. She has been diagnosed with RSV bronchiolitis, another virus and a bacterial pneumonia. She is one sick little girl. She is on an oscillator and her oxygen saturations keep dropping. Her heart rate has been affected a bit as well. This week has been hell (and I never use that word). But it really has. I understand that things can be a lot worse and that people have been through so much worse in life, but this tops the challenges I have had in life. Enough of that. We keep positive.

Life in the ICU can be like riding a rollercoaster. Up and down, up and down. I know many people have gone through this experience. It isn't fun. Our emotions have been stretched in all directions. I feel good about how things are going one minute and then Elva's oxygen rate will drop or her heart rate will drop and we all (Nurses, Respiratory therapists, doctors too), hold our breaths and wait for things to recover and if they don't, the next action takes place. It is exhausting to say the least. As we get to know the staff here, we love them more and more. They are incredible people with a lot of knowledge, skill, optimism and you just know that they care about your individual situation even when they see so much sickness and trauma day to day.

We have been given a little room to the side of the PICU with 2 beds and a bathroom. We feel so blessed to have this room so that we can go see Elva whenever we want and we have a place to hideaway from the world when we need a break from the stress of watching Elva's numbers on the screen go up and down.

We feel blessed to live in Canada and to not have the worry of cost added onto the stress of the situation.

I have read blogs in the past of people who have gone through similar or worse situations with loved ones. I have a good imagination and sometimes I try to imagine what these people must feel and that can bring worry and anguish. I guess sometimes in life we have to experience it for ourselves. Going through hard experiences really does help you appreciate the good in life instead of just wanting more and more. And I don't really understand it right now but these experiences can make life have more meaning. Life is really full of meaning and sometimes we lose perspective in that sense.

It is tough seeing your little girl stuck under so many tubes, sedated and paralyzed. I sit by her and hold her little hand, hoping that my presence will help her in some way. She is so precious to me and it hurts to see her hurt. I love my little Elva Jean Bean so much and I want her to get better.